Lost In You
by lemacd
Summary: This story is a mash-up of one my most favorite movies "Random Harvest" and TSOM. If you haven't seen RH, I beg you to watch it, before or after you read my story... I can't tell you what to do. When I got the idea, it became an obsession and I hope it works. SUMMARY UPDATE 6/9/13: i'm changing the rating from 'T' to 'K ' because that's what it should have been in the first place.
1. Chapter 1 Spring 1935

Chapter One

He had to get away. He didn't care where he went as long as it was somewhere he had never been before, somewhere he wouldn't be reminded of her everywhere he looked. It was bad enough when he was alone, his thoughts and dreams flooded with the memories of a beautiful life that no longer existed. But then the children returned from their long stay with their grandparents and he had to comfort them, too. It was impossible. They looked to him with her eyes and it was like someone took the knife out of his heart and plunged it back in deeper.

Captain Von Trapp threw a few belongings in a small valise and left a few vague instructions for his staff while he was gone. He didn't indicate where he was going or how long he'd be gone. If the children asked, they were to be told he had business.

"Georg," his friend Max Detweiler tried to reason with him. "You shouldn't be alone, not now. Wait a few days and come with me to Vienna. I am going to scout a new musical group there. We'll take care of business and then blow off some steam."

"Being alone is precisely what I want, Max," the Captain replied with an edge, filling his billfold with extra cash and shoving it deep into his overcoat pocket. "I don't want to blow off steam, I don't want to go to Vienna, and I most certainly do not want to listen to music. I just want to be as far from anything that reminds me of her. That includes you." He breezed out of his study and marched quickly toward the front door.

"At least let me take you to the station," Max grasped for one last chance to keep his friend from bolting like a bat out of hell.

"I called a cab," he mumbled as he walked through the door. "Good bye."

He reached the station and bought a ticket for the first train that would take him west. Any other direction would lead to places that were too familiar or would require him to wait too long. He boarded immediately after wading through scores of people huddled for final good byes. He was sure all of them were couples professing affection and sadness upon departing. It made his stomach turn.

He was the only one when he settled into a compartment. He threw his case and coat onto the storage rack and sat down. His solitude was short lived. The train whistle blew and a young couple joined him. He tried not to watch them sit too close to each other. He looked away when they bent their heads together to whisper secrets that caused them to laugh too loud. He moaned disapprovingly when they started to kiss, but looked away when he realized they didn't care what he thought.

He watched the buildings as they slowly passed by at first, then faster until each structure flew across his field of vision like a slow flash. The browns and grays of the city slowly melted into blues and greens. The rhythm of the train lulled him into a drowsy trance and he watched the light rain gather on the window and trickle down the glass and out of view. He got lost in the patterns of sight and sound, unaware that they were only taking him to a sleepy place and eventually dreams of her.

He dreamed he was in a large house with many rooms. There was music playing gaily from somewhere and he was roaming through the halls trying to find it. Each door he opened only led to empty rooms. The sound of each step he took echoed off bare walls. He caught glimpses of someone when he would turn around, someone who dodged out of his vision, laughing at him, not in a cruel way but playfully. There are so many doors, he thought to himself in the dream, if she would only stop and wait for me…

Slowly the music became discordant, louder and more frantic. The voice stopped laughing and called his name. He started to run after it, but the more he searched the fainter the voice became, mixing with the harsh, grating sound of the instruments. His sense of urgency mounted. He was running out of time. He needed to find her. He called to her.

"Wait! Don't go!" he screamed, his eyes opening. The couple sitting across from him stared at him.

"You look like you saw a ghost, friend," the young man joked sympathetically. "Must have been some dream." The girl shook him by the arm, warning him to mind his business.

"Yes," Georg muttered. He wasn't wrong on either count, but it didn't make it any gentler to hear him say it in words. He looked out the window at the expanse of hills and mountains. "Where do you suppose we are?"

"Oh, another half hour and we'll be to Innsbruck," the man guessed and then turned his attention back to his girl. They didn't seem to care how long it took as long as they got there together. Georg watched them completely forget he was there again, fingers intertwining and lips reaching for each other. He felt something rising in his gut at the whole sight of it. He looked away but didn't want to close his eyes, not if it meant returning to sleep and to that blasted dream…

He stood up and reached for the narrow door of the compartment. There had to be a drinking car somewhere. He didn't really care as long as he could be anywhere else.

"Sorry to chase you off," the girl said, giggling. "We'll behave when you get back." Georg simply shot her a scathing glare and left. He thought that if his daughter behaved like that with a boy in public, she would be spending the rest of her life in a convent.

He looked up and down the train aisles deciding which way to start walking. Seeing movement toward the back of the train, he pointed himself there and forced his legs to move. The jerking motion of the train unsteadied him. His sea legs always proved to be useless on a moving train. Agathe used to point out the similarity in motion but he knew it was completely different. He couldn't believe the simple act of walking on a train made him think of her.

He finally found what he needed. A tired looking man stood at the bar with his arms folded over his chest, waiting for someone to ask for something. He straightened himself when the Captain entered and stood up to the counter.

"Scotch," he said, shaking his head when asked if he wanted water with it. He took the drink and wasted no time. He reached inside his jacket and winced. "I left my billfold in my overcoat. My compartment is a few cars back." He hated to think what he would interrupt if he went back for it just yet.

"You'll get it later," the bartender replied with understanding. "I'll keep a tally."

"A tally, huh? You read me too well. Might as well start pouring another," Georg muttered with a snide laugh. He liked this man. He seemed to understand everything and said nothing to try and make him feel better.

He turned to look around the car. There was no one around. Of course not, he told himself. Who starts drinking at ten o'clock in the morning? He did. Suddenly his loneliness seemed even more profound.

Suddenly the train lurched forward and then backward. Georg released the glass in his hand and put both hands on the bar.

"What's this?" the bartender exclaimed, struggling to upright the bottle he was pouring.

The sound of the wheels churning along the rail ceased for a few moments and the car felt like it was floating in the air. The sound of crunching metal sounded like the roar of some ancient monster waking from its cave, creeping slowly from the front of the train and making its way toward them. In an instant, Georg felt the train slam to the ground with a bang, the bar quickly rolling and tilting at sharp downward angle.

He hit the floor with incredible force, the air in his lungs being punched out of his body. He tried to brace his legs and arms to keep from moving, but he slid the length of the car until he was plastered against the door at the end. Tables and chair tumbled toward him like a giant wave. There was nothing he could do to stop them from coming.

Then it all stopped in quiet darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Johann Schmidt stood on the front step, breathing in the cool air of the late afternoon. He knew he needed to get back inside before anyone noticed he was missing, but the thought of staring at those walls were more than he could stand. It made him nervous to be in there, being asked all sorts of questions that he couldn't possibly begin to answer.

He had tried very hard to cooperate but instead of getting better, the confusion and nervousness persisted. They wanted him to talk, but the voice that came out of his throat was not the same as the one inside his head. He couldn't stand to look in the mirror because the image he saw was a stranger, to be forever a stranger because no one could tell him his real name.

For one moment, there was good news. Dr. Kimmel said a man came looking for a brother that was on the same train, a brother that was described to look just like him; blue eyes, dark wavy hair, tall, fit build. His name was Brandt, but there was no familiarity in it for him. That was ok, the doctor said, if he was family, he could go home. The familiar surroundings would help. Still, he was told to be prepared to stay if it turned out not to be his brother. He still needed to get his strength and health back after the accident.

He hoped against hope that he did have a brother. He was disappointed to see the look of anger on Brandt's face when they met face to face. Brandt created quite a scene, too, because the doctor and nurse left him alone in the reception area in their efforts to calm the man down. That was how he was able to sneak out the front door.

As he took another lung full of air, he wondered what kind of man doesn't have anyone to claim him. For all he knew he was a criminal on the run. He turned to go back inside when a stranger approached the building.

"Good afternoon," he said in a friendly voice. "Nice day, isn't it? Have you been able to catch any of the festival?"

"Festival? Uh, no," Johann answered. "Sounds lovely."

"Oh, you should go! It's the last night!" He opened one of the doors and disappeared.

Without thinking, he walked down the steps and to the street. He turned and started moving at a steady pace, sure that someone would stop him and make him return, but no one did. He didn't even know how long he walked. He just kept going until the hospital was far behind him.

The village was crowded with people from all over. Johann couldn't walk five steps without getting in someone's way. He began to think his escape was a mistake; the crowds were too big and the noise rattled his head. He touched the spot on his head where he was injured. The wound was no longer visible, but when he got a headache, that was where it usually started. He attempted to turn around to go back, but the throng swept him along and soon he was disoriented and lost.

He could feel a sense of panic rising inside him when he saw a small tobacco shop. Pushing and shoving through the crowd, he was able to make his way to the door. He welcomed the silence once inside. There was only one other person in the shop inspecting the spinning rack of postcards. She looked up at him when he entered, then returned leisurely to her task. The woman at the counter watched him with tired eyes.

"What can I do for you?" she asked impatiently. Johann was trying hard to form some words, but the excitement of the crowd left him more nervous than he could remember since his accident. He mumbled and stuttered. "Come now, I haven't got all day," she griped at him again.

"Cigarettes," he finally managed to say. It occurred to him that he wasn't even sure if he smoked cigarettes, but he was in a tobacco shop and it was the first thing he could think to say. The woman placed a pack on the counter and waited for him to pay. He rummaged through his pockets and realized he had nothing. Realizing his predicament, she rolled her eyes and put the cigarettes back on the shelf.

"Typical," she said, practically spitting the word. "This festival brings all sorts from out of town." Johann tried to speak, but the pain in his head started to spike and the sounds that came from his throat only set the woman off.

"You better be on your way, sir," she warned. "I can have the police here in a minute if you're thinking about causing trouble." The threat made him even more agitated so that mobility as well as speech was impossible. When the woman slowly made her way to the rear of the shop, Johann reached out his hand to stop her, to explain that he meant no harm. All of a sudden, a small hand grabbed his extended arm and pulled him. It was the young woman who was looking at postcards.

"Come on," she whispered urgently. "She is calling the police now. Let's go before she gets back!" She opened the door and pulled him behind her. He found himself once again in the crowd, but she had both her arms wrapped tightly around one of his and navigated him expertly. After a couple of blocks, they ducked into a small alley to catch their breath.

"I don't think we have to worry now," the woman said, giving him a playful laugh. "That sure was fun, though." Johann tried to express his gratitude but couldn't. He leaned against the building trying hard to gather himself. His young savior took up the space on the wall next to him. She ran her slender fingers through her short blonde hair as she laughed again at their stunt. She turned to look at him with the softest blue eyes he was sure he had ever seen. She smiled with her whole face.

"Do you want to come with me and get a drink?" she asked so he didn't have to try to speak. "You really look like you could use something. Don't be afraid, no one is going to hurt you, you know." He finally managed a smile and nodded. For the first time since the accident he trusted his judgment. This woman was good and kind.

She wrapped her arm in his again and led him back onto the avenue. The sky was getting darker and the sound of music was starting to ring from all around the square. People were no longer rushing, but standing still, listening to it all come alive. Johann could feel his nerves settle down as he was led to a small table outside a café. Instead of an empty table, however, the young woman led him to a group already seated.

"Hello, everyone! Mind if we join you?" She must be friendly to everyone, he thought as she pulled out a chair and made him sit down.

"Where have you been, Maria? We sing in twenty minutes!" one of the young men whined as she placed herself next to him.

"I'm aware, but my friend here needed my help. Besides, I'm here now, so no harm done," She replied, smiling at Johann.

"Does your friend have a name?"

"Of course he does, everyone has a name," she said before she remembered she didn't even know what it was. The group looked at her expectantly.

"M-my name is Schmidt. Johann Schmidt." He managed, wanting to be able to rescue her as she had rescued him.

"Johann Schmidt? You've got to be kidding, Maria!" another young woman in the group rolled her eyes at his generic name. "It probably isn't even his real name." Everyone laughed, except Maria. She wrapped her arm in his again. The feeling was starting to be familiar and he liked it very much.

"It is a fine name and you're very cruel to make fun," she scolded. They only shook their heads at their naïve friend. They reminded her of the time as they stood up to leave. She waved them away.

"Don't mind them, Smitty… you don't mind if I call you that, do you? How about that drink? Beer? Brandy?" She asked, looking at the bar.

"It's not my real name," he said quietly. She turned her head back to him slowly. "It's what they decided to call me back at the… I don't know my real name, you see. I can't remember who I am."

"Can you remember anything?" she asked with sympathetic fascination.

"N-no, n-not a thing," he stammered. "But you d-don't have to be afraid of me, I'm alright. If it weren't for that, I c-could leave the hospital. I was in an accident, you see…" He searched her face for apprehension but found kindness and understanding. "It's just that… I don't know who I am." He felt freedom in saying it out loud. She made it seem not so bad.

"Clearly you are a nice man," Maria spoke into his face, her eyes smiling. "You are someone very distinguished and handsome. And you're my friend. It might not be the greatest claim in this world, but I hold my friends very dear. My name is Maria."

"Thank you, Maria," he said. "Thank you for everything." She gave his arm a gentle squeeze.

"Maria! Come on!" The group of friends called to her from across the square, urging her to hurry. She waved and stood up, and then looked at Smitty. His furrowed brow was starting to perspire.

"I'm afraid I have to run, but… Smitty, you don't look so well. Are you going to be alright all by yourself?" He looked at her but said nothing. He didn't want her to go, but had no right to keep her when she had something more important.

"Maria! NOW!" She was torn. She turned to walk away, but stopped herself. She ran back to the table and hauled him from the chair by the arm.

"Do you want to see me sing? I can find you a nice chair by the stage and when it is all over, we'll go have the drink and you'll feel better. What do you say?" She moved her arm around his waist to help him keep up. "Do you like music? Our group is pretty good, I think." He wanted to say something but was content to let her take over.

They finally reached the concert hall and Maria guided him through a crowd gathered around the building to the stage door. She caught her group leader's exasperated eye as she moved Smitty backstage.

"If you sit here you can see everything and no one will bother you at all," she said, dragging a chair to a clear, out of the way spot. He started to look for the nearest door, not because he didn't want to hear the music, but because the pain in his head was growing minute by minute. He already missed the cool outside temperature. "Don't go anywhere." She could tell he wanted to run. He nodded and put his hands in his lap. Maria's heart started to break. He was as helpless as a child.

She hurried on to the stage and tried to catch her breath before the music began. She turned slightly to keep an eye on Smitty and to make sure he could see her. Maybe I should just take him back to the hospital, she thought. The director cleared his throat to get her attention. She was part of the opening strain, the strongest soprano they had. Once they started, she found that singing actually helped her think better.

The hospital couldn't help Smitty. He had started to relax and speak to her until he brought up the hospital and then it all went away. There was something about him that made her want to help him all she could. She didn't know why, but she just knew that she could do more for him than any doctor in a mental institution. If he didn't want to go back, why should he?

The song ended and the audience quickly applauded. The group took a bow together and quickly prepared for one more piece. She turned her head toward Smitty, and flashed him a quick smile. He returned it, albeit weak and shaky. The song started and she allowed herself to enjoy the performance. They sang a sweet folk song that Maria had known for as long as she could remember and one that every audience appreciated whenever they sang it. It reminded her of the simplest joys of the world and the warmth of home.

Suddenly she thought of the poor man sitting in the chair by the stage, locked in such confusion. He must be so afraid, she thought as she sang, not knowing who he is, where to call home. Instantly the free spirited life of performing that she enjoyed seemed unsatisfactory. She didn't have a real home, either, but it was by her own conscious doing. It was the first time she started to regret it. She didn't realize that a few tears had started their way down her face. The return of the applause brought her back to her senses. She quickly wiped her face as the group took their bow and filed off the stage. By the time she could get to him, Smitty was holding his head in his trembling hands. He was very near to passing out.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh, Smitty, are you ok?" He lifted his head to look at Maria.

"Th-that was beautiful," he told her.

"You look awful. We need to get you out of here quickly," she said, helping him up like she had done all day. He nodded and staggered past the many people milling around the hall.

"They probably think I'm drunk," he said, trying to make a joke.

"Don't you worry about them," she said reassuringly. "They really will be in a couple hours. If anything they're jealous that you got a head start." Once they were outside, Smitty felt his legs gain more strength.

"Maria," he said as they fell into a slow stride. "I know I've been a bother. You should be with your friends…" He turned to look back at the concert hall as if to find them for her.

"I already told you, you're my friend," she answered.

"I know, but…"

"How do you know we weren't friends before today?"

"Well, I…"

"I know, let's pretend we are old friends. Let's pretend we didn't only meet today, but have known each other for a long time." She gave his arm a gentle tug, urging him to be a sport about it. Smitty laughed. It was the first time he heard himself do that. "Oh, Smitty old friend!" she teased. "I forgot you had such a wonderful laugh. You shouldn't keep it to yourself."

"I'll try," he smiled.

"Good," was all Maria said before they slipped into silence.

They wandered through the center of all the activity, stopping every once in a while for Smitty to catch his breath under the guise of watching the street performers. The square was lit with hanging lanterns strung from every shop and building, lending a romantically warm glow to the atmosphere. A thought suddenly occurred to Maria.

"When was the last time you ate something?" she asked.

"Lunch is served at noon at the hospital," Smitty replied.

"That doesn't answer my question," she chided.

"I had some coffee this morning… I think," he said, trying hard to remember. Maria stopped walking.

"No wonder you're about to collapse! Come with me, we'll get some food." He didn't move. "What? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, but… I can't repay you. I've already been a burden to you." Maria looked at the ground for a moment and then looked at him with soft sad eyes.

"Smitty, do you want to go back? To the hospital, I mean?"

"No, I don't think I could stand to be back there again." He meant it. Since he met her, he at least felt alive. At the hospital his mind was an endless vacuum. Time didn't move forward or backward. Perhaps it was moving forward a little too fast for him right then, but at least it was moving. He didn't want it to stop.

"Do you trust me?" She reached up and touched his face, like one would a child who was suddenly frightened.

"Yes, I do." He meant that too. He felt that he could trust her with anything.

"Then please don't talk about being a burden. We will just take each moment as it comes. Right now, we need to find some sustenance. After that, we'll figure out what to do." Maria waited for him to agree. He finally nodded and they went in search of food.

They strolled by the vendors and made their choices. Smitty carried their boxes of food as Maria led the way down the street to a small park where an outdoor concert had already started. They found a tiny hill that gave them a view of the musicians but also a measure of seclusion.

"It wouldn't be a proper festival in Austria if they didn't play some Mozart, now would it?" Maria said happily as they finally picked their spot.

"If I had a coat, we could have a picnic," Smitty observed, but Maria was already on the ground.

"Life's an adventure, Smitty. Sometimes you get dirty." She patted the ground next to her, inviting him to join her. He handed her the boxes and lowered himself onto the soft grass.

"You don't have to tell me," he commented.

"I guess I don't," she replied. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so careless about what I say to you. I can't even imagine what it must be like." He shook his head dismissively. He didn't mind what she said because it was true. He opened his box and started to eat. He tried to think of a way to explain it.

"Terror. Desperation. Like being a newborn, except that actual newborns are blissful in their blank memory. I get nervous, and when I get nervous, I can't talk."

"You talk to me," she countered.

"You seem to be the antidote to my nervousness." He gave her a warm smile, and then continued eating. She returned the smile, happy that he thought of her that way.

"You don't know anything about yourself? Where you're from, or even if you're married?"

"When they found me, I didn't have any identification on my person. Not a single clue. If I had to guess, I would say I was a very unlucky man, whoever I was." Maria took a bite of food, but found it difficult to swallow. Why did he have to joke when she wanted to cry?

"What's to become of you?" she asked hesitantly. He took another bite and chewed it slowly before answering.

"When this day is over, I'll go back to the hospital," he said. "It's where I belong. It's the only p-place I belong."

"Oh, Smitty…" she cried.

"N-no, don't cry, please," he begged. "I have hope now and it's all thanks to you. You've been so kind to me. Because of you, I'm not as afraid as I was before. Please, don't feel bad. I like it better when you smile, like you did when you rescued me from that woman in the tobacco shop for fun." Maria nodded and tried to smile for him. They finished their food in silence, listening to the music under a bright starry sky.

"Smitty, you can't go back. You don't belong there," Maria said suddenly.

"I don't have a choice," he replied. He sounded tired.

"You do have a choice. You can come with me and when you're feeling better, we'll figure out something you can do."

"Oh, no… I couldn't, Maria."

"Yes, you can! You said yourself that you don't want to go back to the hospital." Smitty didn't have an answer to that. He put his head down and started to pick at the grass. He couldn't let her upset her whole life for him. What if he started to remember? What if who he used to be was not a good person?

"Maria, may I ask you a question?" He looked at her, and she nodded. "How old are you?"

"I'm nineteen years old," she answered as if it were irrelevant. She was afraid he was going to bring it up.

"I don't know exactly how old I am, but I think it would be safe to guess that I'm more than twice that. Why do you want to help an old man like me?" His question wasn't scornful but tender.

"You're not an old man," she argued. "And I want to help you because I can… and because you need help. Oh, Smitty, can't you see that I've grown awfully fond of you? I would go crazy if I didn't know you were alright." He just hung his head. Maria stood up and dusted the ground off her skirt and legs.

"Of course, if you don't want me to help…" she said with teary resignation. He felt him take her hand and looked down into his mournful face.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to go back. Please help me." She squeezed his hand as she knelt back down next to him and wrapped her arm around him.

"It will be all right, Smitty. You'll see."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I believe I forgot the disclaimer when I posted the other chapters so, retroactively and in perpetuity, here it is: 'The Sound of Music' does not belong to me. Neither does 'Random Harvest'. I wish they did. **

Chapter 4

Smitty and Maria disposed of their empty food containers and took their time strolling back to the square. He enjoyed when she took his arm once again and started to hum and sing softly as they walked. He hoped he never got used to the way she held on to him.

The last evening of the festival was still quite young, and it was becoming increasingly obvious to both of them that it belonged to couples. They were everywhere, huddled in the secret shadows of the square, lost in their togetherness, dancing to the music that drifted through the air from all the surrounding venues. Maria suddenly became self conscious and withdrew from his side, much to his disappointment, though he understood. She cleared her throat and blushed.

The safest place to be to overcome the awkwardness of the moment was near the large fountain that adorned the center of the village square. It was well lit and soothing, and most importantly, something to focus their attention. Maria sat on the edge of it and dragged her fingers through the rippling surface of the water.

"If you had a coin to toss in, what would you wish for?" she asked. Smitty thought about it for a few moments and shrugged.

"I don't know. I'd probably give you the wish," he said as a matter of fact. Maria looked at him with surprise.

"You wouldn't wish to remember who you are?"

"I suppose," he finally admitted, sitting down beside her. "But I wonder if that would really be the answer to my problems. I sometimes think that I was running away from something."

"Maybe you were running to something," she offered. "Perhaps, you have a wife and family worried about you."

"I don't think so," he answered. "If that were true, whoever was waiting for me would have come for me by now." Maria nodded. It made sense to her.

"Actually, I've been known to run away from things myself so I understand completely," she said. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a coin. She closed her eyes and let it fly from her hand.

"And what did you wish?" Smitty asked. Maria's eyes sparkled with mischief but she said nothing. They were soon interrupted.

"Maria!" a voice called from several paces away. They turned to find one of Maria's friends, the one who scoffed at Smitty's name earlier, motioning urgently to talk to her. Maria excused herself for a moment to find out what her friend wanted.

"Maria, there are people looking for that friend of yours," she said in a low voice, keeping her eye on him as she did so.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. The police are everywhere looking for him. They said he escaped from a mental hospital!" Her friend was wide eyed and frantic.

"Yes, I know. He told me," Maria said unfazed, her mind trying to figure out what to do.

"He did? Then what are you still doing with him?"

"Well, he doesn't really belong there. He's perfectly fine."

"He could be dangerous! You never know with crazies, anything can set them off!" Her friend was incredulous. The more she looked at him, the more she wanted to grab Maria and run.

"Smitty is not crazy," Maria snapped. "And he isn't dangerous."

"Smitty? Oh, Maria… what is wrong with you?"

"Steffi, do you think he could come with us? I'm sure he could be useful somehow," Maria asked quickly, ignoring the question.

"You can't be serious!" was the reply. "There are people trying to find him because he's crazy!" Maria ignored her friend's choice of words and waited for a real answer. Instead, Steffi grabbed her by the arm and started to pull her away. Maria jerked her arm back, catching Smitty's attention. He stood up, alert.

"I can't leave him. I can't let them take him back to the hospital, he doesn't belong there."

"Maria, he is not your problem to solve! You need to let them take care of him if he's sick. He isn't a stray puppy." Maria was growing weary of her friend's insensitivity. She folded her arms and shook her head.

"Well, thank you for the warning," Maria said, ending the conversation. Steffi dropped her arms to her side and sighed in resignation. She turned to leave when Maria called her back. "Please don't tell anyone you found us, ok? " Steffi looked at Smitty and then back to Maria, conflicted. She finally nodded and then fled. Maria hurried back to the fountain.

"We have to go. There are people looking for you," she explained. Smitty followed her as they moved briskly away from the crowds and down an empty street.

"Where are we going exactly?" he asked when they were further away.

"To the train station," she answered quickly. He slowed down.

"Oh, no," he said. "What about your friends and singing, and…"

"Never mind about that now. I know this is right, I just know it. And when you know something is right you have to do it." She urged him to move faster.

Smitty recognized the tobacco shop as they passed by it. He stopped and carefully peered in the window. A police officer was listening to the store clerk talk very animatedly. She motioned with her arms her description of his height. Maria took Smitty by the hand and prodded him along. The station was straight ahead at the end of the road. Maria pulled him aside to calmly discuss their next move.

"I'm sure the station master was given your description, so you'll have to stay out of the way and speak to no one," Maria explained, straitening Smitty's collar and combing his hair with her fingers. "Go inside and find a bench and just sit put. I need to go get my things but I'll be back in a few minutes. If anyone talks to you, stay calm. If you get nervous and try to speak, we're sunk, you understand? Most importantly, don't worry. Everything will be fine." Smitty started to protest but she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and hurried away.

He followed her directions and found a place to sit and wait. He looked around. He didn't remember it, but he knew the last thing he did as his former self was get on a train. He had been told about the accident and even managed to see a newspaper report about it. The investigators that found him concluded that he was traveling alone since none of the survivors knew who he was and the dead were all claimed by loved ones.

He was a mystery at first. More of a novelty actually, and many people fussed over him as they waited to find out who he could be. As the days passed, the sadness of his predicament sank in and people stopped trying to help. He was pulled from his thoughts by the approach of a station attendant.

"Sir, may I talk to you for a minute? Do you mind if I ask for your name?" The man looked Smitty over carefully.

"My name? Why, is there a problem?" Stay calm, he told himself. He could feel himself losing his grip.

"That depends, sir. Your name, please?" The man waited. Smitty tried to take a deep breath and speak but he couldn't. The attendant straightened himself and became cold faced and serious. "Sir, could you come with me?"

Smitty stood up slowly. It was no use. He knew he should have just gone back.

"I found it, darling," a sing song voice caught them both off guard. Maria appeared out of nowhere, waving a scarf with one hand while carrying a bag and guitar in the other. "I must have dropped it when we were looking at the schedules." She handed her things to Smitty and then wrapped her arms around his and flashed him a bright smile. She turned her attention to the puzzled stranger. "Oh, hello. Is everything alright?"

"I was just asking his name…" he said slowly.

"His name? Why this is Karl Adler, of course," she exclaimed in surprise. "Don't you recognize him?"

"I'm sorry, I… who are you?"

"I'm his wife Gisele," she replied proudly. "We came to your lovely town to perform in the festival, naturally. We are trying to catch a train, however, so if you'll excuse us..."

"But…"

"Sir, this night air is not good for my husband's voice," Maria insisted. Smitty opened his mouth to say something but Maria put a finger to his lips and stopped him. "No, darling, don't speak. You need to take care of that throat." He looked at the man and shrugged helplessly. The attendant stepped aside and let them go. They nodded and walked away.

When they were safely out of view, they hurried to the ticket booth and then raced to the platform. Once on board, they found a quiet, unoccupied compartment and settled down across from each other. They both held their breath until the final warning whistle blew and the train pulled away. They simply stared at each other for a minute.

"What would I ever do without you, Gisele?"

"I shudder to think, Karl."

They melted into a fit of laughter.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"That was simply brilliant," Smitty declared. "Absolutely brilliant!"

"I'm just glad the hostel was close to the station or I would have been too late," Maria sighed, and then smiled. "I have to admit that was fun." She closed her eyes and rested her head back against the seat.

Smitty watched her in wonder. He could not understand why such a delightful young woman would be so determined to keep hold of him. He had nothing to offer her, but he made a vow to himself right then to make it up. He would hate for her to ever regret helping him.

"Maria," he called to her.

"Hmm?" She didn't look up.

"Earlier you told me you knew a thing or two about running away. What do you know about it?" She opened her eyes and gave him a strange look.

"Oh, it's not a very interesting story. Not as interesting as yours, anyway," she replied.

"You don't have to tell me," he apologized.

"It's not that I don't want you to know," she assured him. "It's just not very pleasant. I had what one might call a 'miserable youth'." He didn't know what to say. She chuckled at his silence. "Are you shocked?"

"Quite," he replied lightly. "For one thing, you should hardly refer to your youth in the past tense. For another, you personify joy to me." She blushed at the compliment.

"How you talk, Herr Schmidt," she said coyly. She looked out the window and watched the night roll by before she continued. "My parents died when I was a very little girl. I was sent to live with a guardian who seemed to resent my presence. The feeling was quite mutual, however, because I didn't enjoy his either, particularly his ruthless habit of making me the target of his cruelty."

"I see," he replied sadly.

"Do you?" she asked flatly. "I'm still not sure I do."

"What I mean is that I can understand why you ran away," he explained. "I certainly didn't mean…"

"I know, Smitty," she interrupted, then smiled. "I did run away lots of times, and then finally for good. I had the last laugh, though, because I ran away and joined a convent just to spite him and his anti-Catholic lunacy."

"You… are a nun?" Smitty was dumbfounded.

"No, but I thought I wanted to be one. Can you picture me as a nun?"

"Not really, no."

"Neither could the sisters. They said I was like a bird stuck in the rafters that needed to be set free. It was their gentle way of telling me I was too noisy and sang too much. I joke about joining out of spite, but I truly did want to be a nun. When they rejected me, I was hurt. Still, I've managed to take care of myself and find a way to keep singing. All's well… you know." Maria lifted her palms and shrugged. Smitty frowned.

"I hope you won't regret giving up your singing for me," he said.

"I didn't give anything up, Smitty," she replied kindly. "I can sing wherever I am. That's what makes me happy." He nodded and then stared at his hands resting on his knees. He couldn't look at her.

"I hope the fact that I'm a failed nun with a wicked past hasn't dimmed your opinion of me," Maria joked, but he wouldn't smile. "Look, I have a plan, but you have to trust me. And you have to believe me when I say I'm here because I want to be."

"I'd be a fool not to trust you. And I am very glad you're here," he said, finally facing her. She gave him a satisfied smile and then put her head back and closed her eyes again. They continued their journey in quiet understanding.

Frau Engel ran a respectable establishment. She always liked to tell her guests that up front. It wasn't much to look at, she added modestly, but it was clean and friendly and provided all the modern amenities that could be found at the other inns in the area. She was glad to offer them her nicest room, a lovely suite with its own bathroom and a glorious view of the sunrise every morning.

"Perfect for you and your husband," she told Maria from the front desk, opening the register.

"Oh," Maria said nervously. "We're not married." Frau Engel looked up from the book and raised her eyebrows. She closed the register with a frown. "That is to say, we're not married yet. We've recently become engaged."

"Well… that's alright, I suppose," the woman responded, opening the book once more. "I have two rooms… adjoining. Would that suit you?" Maria nodded with a thankful smile. The older woman took a look at Smitty who was sitting quietly near the cozy fireplace. "Does he talk?" Smitty got the implication and immediately stood up.

"I beg your pardon, Frau Engel. I was just admiring your place and thinking how glad I am that we'll be staying with you. May we see our rooms?"

"As soon as you sign, Herr…?" Maria hid a smile. She could tell the woman was falling for Smitty's charm.

"Schmidt. Johann Schmidt. And this is Maria." He took the pen and signed his name. How odd, he thought, it is to try and write your name for the first time and make it look like you've done it thousands of times before. Frau Engel gave a satisfied nod and retrieved two keys from the wall behind her.

"Excuse me, could you tell me if Herr Deiter Weiss still lives around here?" Maria asked as Smitty gathered the guitar and bag.

"Yes, as a matter of fact," Frau Engel answered with surprise. "Do you know him well?"

"We used to be good friends, but it has been a while. It will be good to become reacquainted." Maria had a feeling that she had just gone up in their hostess' estimation.

They were led up the stairs and to their rooms. After finding a place for her few belongings, Maria quietly knocked on Smitty's door.

"I just wanted to say good night," she said softly. "I think we need to call it a day."

"What a day it has been," he added. Maria nodded with a weary laugh. "What you told Frau Engel about us…"

"I hope that was ok," Maria said quickly, heat starting to rise in her cheeks. "I don't think she would have let us stay if she thought I was the kind of girl…"

"Oh, I understand perfectly," Smitty said, slightly embarrassed that he brought it up. "It's just that you had to do that twice today. Not that I should keep count. I just don't want to take advantage and risk your prospects… I mean, with Herr Weiss… your friend."

"Oh, Smitty," Maria giggled. The puzzled look on his face made her laugh even more. "You are incredibly sweet. Thank you for your concern." Her smile turned into a yawn.

"Sleep well, Smitty."

"Sweet dreams, Maria."

He closed the door and flopped onto the bed, not bothering with the covers. He fell asleep faster than he could truly remember.

**A/N: Thank you for your kind reviews… they mean a lot. My personal life took a small hit today (read: people suck) and it's been hard to focus on writing much. It won't be too long until I update, but please be patient while I deal with stuff. Love and peace.**


	6. Chapter 6 Autumn 1935

**A/N: A couple of things… I couldn't figure out how to split this chapter, so I apologize for its length. Also, this is my first real attempt at writing flashbacks. Not sure I nailed it, but… whatever. This chapter gave me a headache and I want to move on. Finally, thanks for feedback. Sometimes it really turns my day around. Peace.**

Chapter Six

Maria walked her bicycle the last few yards to the now familiar path at the foot of the hill. She smiled as she leaned it against a tree where another bicycle sat without an owner. The early autumn air was still warm in the village, but at the bottom of the hill she could feel the cooler breezes on her face and through her hair. She let out a sigh of relief.

She returned from her two day trip and Smitty was no where to be found. She checked with Frau Engel who had expected him to meet her for their usual afternoon tea together, but he never appeared. Other guests thought they saw him leave and head toward town, but there was no consensus. Maria wasn't overly concerned as she was more than positive she knew where to find him. And even though he was cured of his separation anxiety, she knew he would be waiting for her. She still harbored some guilt from the first morning after the festival.

_She tapped on his door several times before deciding it was better to let him sleep. He was still not well, after all, and the extra rest would be good for him. She quickly wrote a note to let him know she would return as soon as she could and slipped it under his door. If she had only known how it would affect him, she never would have left him like she did._

_ When she returned, he was in very bad condition. Panic and nerves put him in such a state that he couldn't tell minutes from hours or hours from days. He was panting and had broken into a sweat, convinced that she had abandoned him. Overwhelmed with confusion, he wept like a lost child. When he heard her at the door, he tried to compose himself, but she noticed everything right away and her heart broke. In an attempt to spare him further humiliation, she pretended to be fooled._

_ "Good morning, Smitty. I trust you slept well? You didn't answer my knock earlier so I decided to leave you to it," she remarked, setting a few parcels on his bed and drawing to his side._

_ "I did sleep well, thank you," he managed. He couldn't deny the relief he felt now that she was back, but he didn't want to express it, not when it was probably clear to anyone that saw him that he had a rough go._

_ "I wanted to find Herr Weiss first thing this morning," she explained when it was clear he wasn't going to say anything more. "It was so nice to see him again. He asked us to come to dinner tonight, if you're up to it. I wonder, though. You don't look so good."_

_ "I'm fine," he said flatly. "But I don't want to cut in on your reunion. Three's a crowd and all that." Maria tilted her head and gave Smitty a thoughtful look. _

_ "I think you're a little jealous," she teased._

_ "Not at all," Smitty protested, perhaps a little too much. _

_ "I told you, Herr Weiss is an old friend."_

_ "Yes, and you were very excited to see him again and well, I suppose I know what that means."_

_ "Smitty, when I said he is an old friend I meant it in every sense of the word. He was my favorite teacher when I was in school. His music classes were the brightest moments in those days." He noted the affection in the way she talked about him and recalled what she had told him her life was like then. He instantly felt foolish. _

_ "Then I'm very glad you found him again. Please forgive me, Maria. You don't owe me explanations. I don't know what made me so skeptical. I guess I'm not as well as I thought." He sighed heavily and rubbed his head. _

_ "Of course you're not. Who would be after everything you've been through? The important thing is that you try, starting tonight when we go to dinner. I know you're afraid of people asking you questions you can't answer, but once you learn to think on your feet again, you won't feel so trapped in your head and in this room. If you'll forgive me for leaving you alone, we'll just forget everything and start over, hmm?" He nodded. "And promise me that you'll try?" _

_ "I will." She stared at him, so he added, "I promise." _

Maria took the package off the back of her bicycle and headed up the hill. She smiled as she realized how well he kept that promise. That night when they went to dinner, Smitty tried very hard to be amiable and thanks to Herr Weiss, he managed quite well. She knew the two men would like each other and they found lots of things to talk about that didn't require Smitty to tax his mind too much. She had, of course, apprised her former teacher of Smitty's unusual situation and she will forever be grateful that he was understanding and sympathetic. In all truth, she was thankful to Herr Weiss for a lot more.

_"I'm glad to hear you promise because I have something to tell you," she continued hesitantly. "I found a job today." Smitty felt his heart start to race again. _

_ "You did?"_

_ "Yes. Herr Weiss gives music lessons from his home and he hired me to help. He's quite brilliant as a musician and even more so as a teacher and as a result is highly in demand for both. He wants me to do some of the teaching, mostly his youngest students. It will free him to accept invitations to perform. Isn't it perfect, Smitty? When the Reverend Mother informed me that my time at the abbey was over, she told me that when God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window." She beamed as she talked about it._

_ "I should be the one who gets a job, Maria," he said scornfully. "How will it look, you supporting a man twice your age, a man who appears to be strong bodied and able, but sits in a room all day?" He stopped when he saw her face fall. _

_ "My, aren't we proud? What do you propose to do about it, Herr Schmidt?" Maria replied, but not unkind._

_ "I don't know, but I have to be good for something. I'm not entirely useless, am I?"_

_ "Fine," she said, walking away from him. She spun back quickly and clapped her hands behind her back before firing questions at him. "So, you would like to work for us, Herr Schmidt? That's fine, but could you give a little information about yourself? Where are you from? Where did you go to school?"_

_ "Well, I…"_

_ "Have you any experience? Can we ask where you worked previously? Do you have references?" Smitty clenched his jaw shut. He had no answers. Maria relaxed her hands and drew close to his side. "Smitty, this is how it has to be… for now. You have a job… to get well. Someday you'll figure out what you can do and it will be so great, I just know it. Not all miracles happen overnight, you know." He threw his head back and moaned in resignation. She was right once again, but she didn't gloat. He knew that she didn't like it anymore than he did and in her own sweet way she was only taking care of him until he could take care of himself._

_ "Maria, you are like angel to me. Angelika… that should be my name for you. Why you put up with me...," he felt a catch in his throat as he tried to tell her what was in his heart at that moment. She wove her arm in his and rested her head on his shoulder in quiet understanding. _

_ "I told you. I've grown awfully fond of you. And just so you know, I'm in pretty deep. It would be cruel to push me away now." _

__Maria was very wrong about miracles not happening overnight, but considering how it made her right about Smitty finding something to do, she hardly thought of it that way.

As the days turned into weeks, Maria and Smitty became nightly fixtures at the home of Herr Weiss. Smitty enjoyed sitting around a meal with his new friend as he reminisced with Maria. At first they felt bad about spending time in the past when he was deprived of his own, but he assured them he didn't mind at all. He told them he had a unique appreciation for other people's memories since he didn't have any, but the truth was he wanted to know everything there was to know about Maria. If there was one thing he was quite sure of, it was that she was unlike any person he had ever met. Ever.

Smitty also never tired of hearing her sing. After dinner, Herr Weiss would sit at his piano and urge Maria to sing. The sounds that came from her were more proof to him that she was an angel. It was effortless and pure. Weiss would almost always launch into reasons why Maria should travel with him when he was hired to play so she could sing for a real audience, but she always dismissed the idea, insisting that she was content to sing for them. Smitty suspected she didn't want to leave him for too long and he was too ashamed to admit he was glad.

One particular evening Smitty was struck by the piece that was being played. He sensed that he knew it, that is, more than to say he had heard it before. The feeling grew so strong that it frightened him a little, but it compelled him even more. When it was over, he stood up and moved to the piano and placed his hand on some keys. He played a few bars of the refrain and Herr Weiss quickly gave up the bench for him to continue. What happened after that was beyond anyone's ability to reason.

After a few stumbles and wrong notes, Smitty performed the piece in its entirety, each measure stronger than the last. When it was over, no one could speak. Smitty jerked his hands from the keys, staring at them, trying hard to figure out what it meant. Herr Weiss nodded with a pleased grin as though he was somehow responsible. Maria simply wept.

After that, Smitty devoted most of his time to playing. Sometimes he would work on new music that Herr Weiss would loan to him, but other pieces would come from his fingers seemingly out of nowhere. Music had been locked in his mind with everything else, but for some reason, it escaped.

Maria watched it transform him. He became a rather witty and jovial person when asked questions instead of a stuttering heap of nerves. He was focused and determined, no longer spending empty hours staring at the floor and walls when left alone for too long. He spoke with hope and sincere interest for his future instead of battling a past he couldn't remember. He was, to put it bluntly, normal.

She finally reached the top of the hill and stopped before going any further. Smitty was sitting against a tree sleeping, an open book on his chest and his hat pulled low over his eyes. The scene summed up his recovery. He finally found some peace in his mind and it had worked its way though his whole being. He no longer shuffled when he walked. He stood with his shoulders back, and the lines in his worried face were gone.

She crept quietly closer and gently set the parcel down on the ground. She knelt beside him and slowly removed his hat. His face… that was where she saw the biggest change of all. She always thought he was rather handsome, but there was now a light in the deep blue eyes behind those closed lids. When he was awake, he wore a constant smile that warmed her heart.

"Welcome home," he said, giving her quite a start. Another side effect of his new self confidence, she noted, was a wicked sense of humor.

"Thank you," she replied, pretending to be annoyed. He laughed at her as he sat up, setting his book aside. "I knew I would find you here."

"Where else would I go when my heart is lonely?"

"You missed me, did you?"

"I always miss you when you're not with me," he answered. "Only now I miss you for the right reasons. How was the concert?" Maria wanted to know what the right reasons could be, but just answered his question instead.

"Oh, it went very well to hear everyone else tell it. I received many compliments, but…"

"But?" he asked.

"Oh, Smitty, performing isn't for me anymore. Not like that, in front of so many people," she said, making a face. "I'm afraid you've turned me into a homebody."

"You have a gift, Maria," he responded gently. "How can you deprive the world of something God made sound so beautiful?" She was used to his compliments, yet she blushed.

I have to deprive the world, she thought to herself, because I can't stand to be deprived of time spent with you.

"I brought you something," she said, quickly changing the subject. "I know how you love presents." He rolled his eyes as she tossed it onto his lap.

_"What is all this?" he said, sitting on his bed, looking at the packages she brought back._

_ "Some clothes, a few toiletries," she answered. She saw him wince and could read his thoughts. "Herr Weiss advanced me some money. It isn't much, just some things you need. Please don't be offended." He gave her a tired smile as he opened them._

_ "I hope that someday I can make all this up to you," he said. "And when that time comes, you better let me."_

"Thank you very much," he said enthusiastically as he opened the brown paper to discover some staff paper. "I managed to use my last sheet this morning. Your timing is impeccable… as always." She smiled and then suddenly remembered she had one other thing to deliver.

"I almost forgot this," she said, producing an envelope from her pocket. He stared at it for a few seconds and then tore it open. A grin spread across his face as he read the letter.

"It's a check!" he exclaimed, holding it out proudly. "It's not a big check, but it's a check!" Maria grabbed the letter and read it for herself.

"Oh, Smitty! You sold one of your songs! And they want you to send them more," she beamed at him. "This is wonderful. I'm so happy!"

"I didn't sell them one of my songs, I sold them my only song," he laughed. He held up the new staff paper. "This will be used right away. I can't believe it… a check."

"I'm not surprised at all," she said, nudging him lightly. "I always believed in you." He gave her a happy look of appreciation and then became quite pensive.

"Maria," he asked. "Do you think I can make it as a composer? Not to become famous or anything like that, but… just to live, to be independent?" Maria slipped her arm through his, a habit that he adored. She did it every time he needed her strength.

"I do. I really do," she answered without a single hint of doubt. He held the check up once more.

"We need to celebrate. I'm going to take you out to dinner."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Later that evening Smitty waited for Maria downstairs while she fetched a shawl. He still had the letter in his pocket. He was being honest when he expressed excitement over it, but he did think he may have over sold it. The truth, he realized, was that he had mixed emotions.

This step toward self reliance signaled the beginning of something, the beginning of what he was not sure. He was relieved to finally put down a rudder and sail toward something he could call his own, instead of drifting aimlessly. To that end, he was happy. He was tired of feeling so helpless.

The problem, he told himself, is that in order for a new journey to start, the old one has to end.

Maria finally appeared, having chosen to change clothes altogether. As he watched her practically glide down the stairs, he could feel his heart skip a beat. She wore a new dress, or at least one he hadn't seen her wear before. It flattered her slim figure, the color of her eyes, her beautifully slender neck and smooth white skin. She was breathtaking. He still marveled that she would bother to be seen anywhere with him.

"What's the matter?" she asked him when he failed to speak.

"Nothing is the matter," he managed to say. "You look so lovely I lost my power of speech." He winced as the words left his mouth. Flirting would not make matters easier.

"Thank you, Smitty," she beamed. She spun around to be sure she earned his approval.

They made their way down the winding lane that eventually turned onto the main road to town. They found a comfortable pace together and walked in silence. He offered his arm instead of waiting for her to take it like she usually did. She gave him a smile and found the place beside him that she claimed as her own that first day they met.

"I like when you take the initiative," she said, giving his arm an affectionate squeeze. "I suppose I am not patient enough to let you sometimes." He nodded absently. He seemed to be miles away. Perhaps he was trying to remember, she thought. It was something that always put him in an oddly low mood, one that usually followed a high. "Smitty, Where are you?"

"Forgive me," he said sheepishly. "What were you saying?"

"Nothing of importance," she answered with a sigh. "You wandered pretty far. You used to be quiet all the time, but never with me. You could always speak to me."

"And now, when everything seems to be falling into place, I can't seem to find words. I wonder what it means. I'm sure Dr. Kimmel would have something to say about it." He gave a humorless laugh.

"I'm afraid you're talking in riddles," she answered, slightly confused. "I only wondered if maybe you were remembering something. Like you said, everything else is falling into place. Perhaps it is now only a matter of time."

"Wouldn't that be something?" he chuckled.

"Sometimes I forget about… that," she mused. "You've learn to cope very well. No one would know that you can't remember anything about yourself."

"Thanks to you, Maria," he answered softly, almost sadly. Suddenly, his humor picked up and he took the hand that was nestled in the crook of his arm. "Tonight, we will forget all that business and have fun." It seemed to pacify Maria for the rest of the walk.

The local public house was crowded with regulars, but as soon as they walked through the door, the proprietor greeted them warmly as though he knew they were coming and ushered them to a small table. He was a giant of a man, and every part of him seemed to be round. They thought he was a very likeable fellow.

"Welcome," he greeted them loudly. "It's a pleasure to have you here, Fraulein, an honor to be sure!" Maria shot Smitty a puzzled look.

"I'm not sure I understand…"

"We do not get many celebrities. You are Herr Weiss' friend, the singer, are you not?"

"I'll admit to being a singer, not a celebrity…" she muttered with a frown. Smitty was enjoying the exchange, especially how it made her blush. Her eyes flashed at him when she saw his amusement at her expense.

"You should know that my friend here is a published composer. In fact, we're here to celebrate him, not me," she said with a look of impish satisfaction.

"Is that so? What a lucky night for me," the owner bellowed. "Tonight you will let me feed you. I insist. Please enjoy." He quickly disappeared.

"You are a clever girl." Smitty narrowed his eyes playfully.

"You were laughing at me," she answered defensively. "Besides, I told the truth. I'm proud of your accomplishment. What have I done that is so special?" Smitty sat back and pondered her question. He softened.

"What you've done can't be expressed with words, Angelika. You and I both know that my accomplishment is as much yours as it is mine." Maria was touched by his words, but shook her head.

"You just needed a chance, Smitty."

"I needed you." Maria opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't. They stared at each other until Smitty finally cleared his throat and changed the subject. "You failed to mention that you were becoming famous, my dear."

"Herr Weiss isn't very discreet when he exaggerates," Maria moaned as she rolled her eyes.

"He's going to be very disappointed to hear that you wish to stop," Smitty said. "I rather hope you will keep at it."

"But I don't want to," she reasoned. "I told you, I don't like going away. I'm very content without it."

"Don't you have fun?"

"Well, I suppose I do but that's not the point. "

"Maria, I want you to have fun," Smitty leaned towards her and became very serious. "You should be enjoying yourself, meeting people, and doing all the things you dare to dream. It's right there, ready for you to take it. Why don't you? I would hate for you to have regret, Maria. You mustn't let any feeling of duty to me deprive you of these opportunities." His tone became urgent and it caught her by surprise.

"If I wasn't so determined to enjoy myself this evening, I'd think you want to get rid of me." Maria spoke in jest, but her face showed her hurt. He remained silent, wishing he could make her understand. She finally looked into his face. "Smitty, please say something. At least tell me I'm wrong."

Before he could, waiters appeared at their table with dinner. They gave their compliments and words of appreciation at each dish set before them, and then they were left alone. They began to eat in silence.

"Maria," Smitty said gently. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I only want you to be happy."

"You don't seem to understand what makes me happy," she replied. "I thought I knew, but now I'm not sure. This whole conversation has me completely confused." Smitty felt his heart sink.

"Forgive me," he begged. "I promised we'd only have fun tonight, but I've gone and made a mess of it. Can we start over?" He watched her shoulders relax. She wiped her eyes quickly and tried to smile. "Good. Maria, you do look lovely tonight."

"Thank you," she nodded sweetly. They resumed their meal, finding things to talk about that were safe and pleasant. As they finished, Smitty noticed the owner whispering about them to the other patrons.

"I don't wish to bring it up, but I have a strong feeling you are about to be asked to sing for our supper," he whispered across to Maria. Her brow tightened and she turned to see people staring. Sure enough, the owner finally approached them.

"Would you please honor us, Fraulein?" A look of panic crossed her face and she looked at Smitty for help. He wiped his mouth with the napkin, stood up and extended his hand to her.

"I'll join you," he said, leading her toward a piano. She sighed, realizing she had very little choice. A small applause broke out as everyone realized they were about to be entertained. Maria clutched her hands together as she leaned and whispered in Smitty's ear.

"I'm afraid I don't know any pub songs," she said, nervously. "I hope you have an idea." Smitty nodded reassuringly and began to play something she had sung to him during one of her many private concerts with Herr Weiss. She took a deep breath and gave the crowd a shy smile.

_I hear music when I look at you,_

_A beautiful theme of ev'ry dream I ever knew._

_Down deep in my heart, I hear it play,_

_I feel it start then melt away._

_I hear music when I touch your hand,_

_A beautiful melody from some enchanted land,_

_Down deep in my heart, I hear it say_

_Is this the day?_

_I alone have heard this lovely strain,_

_I alone have heard this glad refrain,_

_Must it be forever in side of me?_

_Why can't I let it go?_

_Why can't I let you know?_

_Why can't I let you know the song my heart would sing?_

_That beautiful rhapsody of love and youth and spring,_

_The music is sweet the words are true,_

_The song is you.*_

The audience was appreciative and showed it with eager applause. Maria bowed quickly and waited for Smitty to stand so they could quickly retreat back to their table. He didn't move, only looked at her with awe and affection. She was caught in his stare and felt heat rising in her face. She finally forced herself to look away. Some of the customers were still clapping so she gave another short bow and took a step toward her seat when a voice called to her.

"Fraulein," a young man said as he approached her. "That was beautiful. I don't think I've ever heard anyone sing like that."

"Thank you," she smiled. "I'm very glad you enjoyed it." She was approached after performances quite often and she never got used to it. This gentleman was different, though, simply because he didn't press up to her too close or try too hard.

"My name is Wil Dreschler," he offered politely. "I must say, I lived my whole life in this town. How is it that I have never met you until now?" Maria laughed.

"I've lived in this town for the last three months and I can say the same thing about you," she answered. "I'm Maria." He smiled as he nodded.

"That would explain it," he said. "I've been away. Listen, I don't want to seem too forward but… would you please join me and my friends for a drink?"

"That's very kind of you," she answered sincerely. "But I'm here with someone and we're celebrating, you see…"

"Bring him along and we'll make it a party," the young man interrupted. "Please say yes." By this time Smitty joined the conversation and placed his hand lightly on Maria's back to get her attention.

"Fun, remember?" Maria relented and let Wil lead them to a table of young people. Wil made quick introductions before calling to the bartender for a round of drinks.

"What are we celebrating?" a young woman named Wanda asked.

"Smitty is about to be a published composer," Maria bragged.

"How thrilling!" Wanda said excitedly. "We're celebrating, too. Wil just passed his exams and is going to practice law in Salzburg with his uncle."

"Not for another month," Wil added with a slight strain in his voice. "I have a little more time to play before I truly have to grow up." Smitty noticed him look at Maria as he said it. "So, is that what you do, Maria? Sing?"

"Not really," she replied. "I give music lessons mostly. I really like it."

"She does sing," Smitty interjected. "And she should sing. It would be a tragic waste if she didn't." Maria turned her head sharply at him, a look of dismay on her face. He could feel her eyes on him, but couldn't bring himself to return her gaze.

"Oh, I agree," Wanda nodded. "You are so talented! Just think of all those wonderful concerts and parties… all the interesting people and places. You'd be famous in no time at all, Maria!"

"But that isn't what I want," she explained, more to Smitty than to the others.

"What do you want?" Wil asked in a tone that was earnest, not mocking. Maria appreciated that she might have at least one ally at the table.

"I... well, I don't really know exactly," she said, shaking her head. "But I do know that I don't want to perform like a trained animal night after night. It isn't for me." She paused as she suddenly noticed everyone staring at her strangely. "I guess I sound crazy."

"Not at all," Wil answered sincerely. "I admire you for your confidence. I wish I could be as strong…"

"Here we go," a young man named Hans interrupted, throwing his hands up. "At least your father set high goals and paved a nice road for you, my friend. Perhaps you'd rather he gave you a farm and a cow so you can be like me?" He turned to Maria to explain. "That was my father's great ambition for his only son, you see."

"I am thankful for everything my father has done," Wil admitted. "I just wish I was excited about my future, that's all. Somehow I pictured it very different."

"Is music what you've always wanted to do?" Wanda turned her question to Smitty.

"I think you should use your talents in a way that makes you happy, of course," he stated, avoiding the question. "Still, sometimes you need to follow opportunity. If God closes a door, it is probably because he wants you to go through a window." Maria stared at her hands folded on the table. Smitty could see her start to flush and knew his words hit their mark.

"My father said something like that," Wil laughed. "Only it wasn't quite as poetic."

"Ah! What do I know? Life has a funny way of changing when you least expect it. I guess my best advice is to begin this moment and enjoy it for everything it is worth," he replied with a tired shrug. He stood up and bowed to the rest of the group. "I think I'm going to leave you to finish this party without me. Good night, everyone. It was a great pleasure to meet you."

"Wait for me," Maria started to stand up.

"You don't have to go, too, do you?" Wil pleaded, taking her hand. "Stay a little longer and then I'll see that you get home safely. Please?"

Maria turned toward Smitty who gave her a sad smile. He took her hand and kissed it, and then nodded his wish for her to stay. He held her chair and waited for her to sit back down. She did, but never took her eyes off of him, even as he walked away. He wished he didn't have to be so manipulative, but it was for the best.

Smitty left the noise of the pub and headed home. It was a beautiful evening. The moon was full and everything was clear before him. He decided to take advantage of the moonlight and followed the path toward the mountain trails. He listened to the sound of the village fade and the sounds of nature calling from all around him as he climbed the hills higher. There was a special spot on the mountain that belonged to him and Maria. It was magical in the way it helped him clear his head and feel who he really was.

He thought about the people he had met that evening. They were young and free. They were more like Maria in that way, more than he could ever hope to be. He thought Wil was a nice fellow and he suspected he had a genuine interest in Maria. Even if he didn't, she deserved someone like him, someone who was whole on the inside.

Smitty felt an odd peace and it grew with each step as he made his way to the one place he could finally admit what he knew all along. He had fallen in love with her. This left him with two choices; leave now or stay with her forever. Only one was fair to both of them.

The fresh air and exercise caught up with him and fatigue started to overtake him. He told himself he would simply close his eyes for a few minutes before going home. He just needed to be there for a while so he could be sure of everything and find the courage to follow it through. He settled against a tree, pulled his coat collar up around his neck and fell fast asleep.

**A/N: This chapter caused me so much stress. I appreciate all the feedback, so please review. **

***"The Song Is You" words by Oscar Hammerstein II and music by Jerome Kern. In my head, it is not the swingin' Frank Sinatra version, though I adore that man…**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: 'Random Harvest' and 'The Sound of Music' are still not mine. I asked and someone said no. Happy Mother's Day.**

Chapter Eight

As Smitty opened his eyes, he became keenly aware of two things; it was morning and he was not alone. He barely had to glance to his side to know that Maria had found him. She was curled up next to him, her arms wrapped loosely around his left arm and her head resting against his shoulder.

The fact that she was sleeping led him to believe that she spent most of the night there, and he felt more than a little annoyed. She was doing the very thing that made him love her; she was by his side, watching over him, keeping some unspoken promise. It was also the very reason he couldn't love her. Her pity would eventually turn to resentment.

She was still dressed as he last saw her and had only her shawl to protect her from the autumn chill. He could feel her shivering against him. He extracted his arm from her and lowered her to rest her head on his lap. He slowly opened his coat and pulled himself out of it so he could cover her with it.

He wished he dared to touch her, just to brush the hair out of her face or rub her arms to give her more warmth. Instead, he simply looked out over the hillside, along the meadow that sloped out of view. A mist settled along the high grass, dreamlike in the early light of dawn. Perhaps it was a dream, all of it; his train accident, the tobacco shop, the music… Maria. No, he decided, she was real. He couldn't possibly dream up someone like her.

The sun started to rise when Maria began to stir. She lifted her head to look around, and then sat up once she realized where she was. She gave him a thankful look and slipped her arms into his coat.

"Aren't you cold?" She stood up and stretched her cramped limbs.

"I'm fine," he answered. "You were shivering." Maria took a few steps and then stopped short.

"Oh, Smitty," she whispered. "Come and watch the sunrise with me!" He stood up and slowly made his way to her side. "Isn't it glorious? Why haven't we done this before?" Smitty didn't answer. He was too busy watching the joy on her sleepy face. He tore his eyes away and started to walk around, partly for circulation and partly because he wanted to remember why he was cross with her or even if he still was.

"Maria, what are you doing here?"

"Well, we left shortly after you did. In fact, I could see you walking ahead most of the way. When we turned up the lane, you were nowhere to be seen. It didn't take me long to figure out where you went."

"That explains the how, but not the why," he responded patiently. Maria pulled his coat tighter around her and shrugged.

"I needed to ask you something," she said, kicking at a clump of grass. "I was going to wake you, but… I thought maybe if I let you sleep, everything would be set right by morning. I have a feeling it was wishful thinking on my part."

"I see," he answered without further comment. Maria dropped her arms in frustration. She walked closer to Smitty and looked at him with a puzzled face as though she was trying to read his mind.

"Do you? Do you sense that something has come between us, like some kind of wall?"

"I was thinking it is more like something that connected us has been cut," he answered bluntly.

"Yes, that is it exactly! Oh, Smitty… that's what I came here to ask you, that's what has been bothering me," she said, glad to have him say it too. She reached out and grabbed his hand, pleading for him to help her understand. "What is it? What have I done to make you push me away? You used to dread the days I went away, and now you insist I go! And that stunt last night with that poor Wil," she shook her head in disbelief.

"He seemed very nice," Smitty explained weakly. "And he seemed interested in you. I just thought if I left you might see it for yourself." He turned back to the view. Ribbons of smoke were starting to curl from little gray and white buildings that spread across the village below. "Maria… you didn't come here to ask me a question. You came because you thought I needed you. From the moment we met, I have needed you. But I don't need you anymore. What I mean is that I _can't_ need you anymore."

"Well, hooray for you. I don't need you either. I definitely don't need you to toss me into the arms of some stranger," Maria said indignantly, dropping his hand and folding her arms across her body.

"I wish you wouldn't put it like that," he said. Her words were like ice cold water in his face. "I needed to see you with him. You are both so young and free, with so much to offer the world… to offer each other. I can't help but feel that you are postponing your life out of pity for me. Still, it was a stupid thing to do and I had no right. Please forgive me."

"Oh, you are infuriating," Maria relaxed, her tone softening. "I do forgive you but only because it was so ridiculous."

Despite her lightness and gentle reproof, he could tell he had hurt her. Her eyes were tired, not from lack of rest but from crying herself to sleep. Suddenly he was loaded with guilt; he was so sure of what might make her happy that he never considered the alternative.

"You're being extremely generous with me," he mumbled. "I don't deserve it."

"Don't push me away, that is all I ask," she answered. "I was miserable last night, Smitty. You don't know how afraid I was that you were going to leave me."

"I thought about it. In fact, up until a moment ago, that was the plan," he said honestly. Maria felt her chest tighten and bit her lip to keep it from trembling. He saw what his words were doing and quickly took her hands in his. "But I can't do it. I can't leave you except for the very reason that I probably should leave you."

"I don't understand," she said, her voice barely a whisper.

"I've fallen in love with you," he confessed. Maria's eyes widened as the words sunk in. "It's shocking, I know, and I have no right…"

"Oh, Smitty, do you mean it? You aren't just saying it?"

"How could I not fall in love with you, Maria?"

"That's my point, I guess. The moment I saw you in that tobacco shop… I shamelessly took your arm and never let go of you. You might say I gave you no choice with my manipulations." She seemed almost ashamed of herself but it only made him feel even more tender toward her.

"I don't want you to ever let go. Every time you cling to my side is right when I need you the most… it is the most comforting thing in the world to me. I'm better with you and lost without you. That's a fact that even a fool like me can see."

"Oh, Smitty… you are serious, aren't you?" Maria rushed into his arms and held on to him tightly. "It's so wonderful, because I love you, too! I have loved you from the very first day." Smitty put his trembling arms around her and held her close until he felt her pull back slightly. There was a question in her eyes. "If you love me, why were you going to go away?"

"I'm not going anywhere, not now," he tried to reassure her.

"No, I would really like to know. Is there something wrong with me?" Smitty could hear years of pain in her question. "All I've ever wanted was to belong somewhere… to give all my heart and be loved in return. And yet it always seems to be met with cruelty or rejection. Even God didn't want me. You tell me you love me, but your first instinct was to leave me."

"I cannot speak for God and heaven help me if I even try, but my reasons for leaving had nothing to do with you. Look at me! I'm half a person! If you love me, all I have to offer you is complete uncertainty. I guess I didn't think it was right of me to pursue any kind of happiness until I learned the truth about myself. How do I know that the ghosts locked in my mind won't suddenly appear and hurt you? Wouldn't you resent me?"

"I could never resent you," Maria answered tenderly. "Never. As for being a whole person, I'm no better. I've been abandoned by those I've loved and toss about by everyone else. I have nothing to offer you but my heart, darling… a heart that is cracked and fragile on the best of days. I'm willing to take a chance if you are. Don't you understand?" She smiled, tears hanging precariously. "We are two halves that need each other to make a whole."

The clarity those words brought to his mind caused him to shudder with overwhelming emotion. He spoke her name over and over as he held her in his arms. He couldn't believe that she loved him. He couldn't believe that he was so determined run away. He quickly decided that he would waste no time with regrets. The time of loneliness was over.

They started to descend from the mountain without words. Maria took his arm, but not from instinct as she had so many times before but because now every gesture and look had new meaning. Smitty fondly moved his arm to bring her closer to his side. As they nearly reached the bottom of the trail, he stopped and turned to look into her eyes.

"I'm almost afraid to reach the lane. I feel like our mountain cast some kind of spell and it will be broken the moment we step off," he said gingerly caressing her face. "If I'm dreaming, I don't want to wake up." Maria pressed her cheek into his palm and nodded sympathetically.

"No dream, no spell," she assured him. "This is real." He cleared his throat. There was one more thing he had to ask her.

"Maria, my life started when I met you. I can't see a single day in my future without you in it," he said, trying to put the swelling in his heart to words. "I know I can't offer you much right now, but someday, when I do make a good living… will you marry me?"

"Oh, yes… only I don't want to wait, not a single day more than the law and the Church will allow. Let's get married right away, Smitty." Maria glowed with youthful excitement.

"Are you sure?"

"It is right, I know it is! And when you know something is right, you just have to do it!" Smitty laughed warmly at her determination. It was the same confidence that moved her to help him that very first day. He came to trust it more than anything.

"I couldn't agree more," he said, pulling her into his arms and kissing her. Moments later, Maria kissed him back, but briefly. A quiet sob escaped before she could help it and they parted. He trailed her face with his lips and then settled on her forehead where he kissed her again.

"I do love when you take the initiative," she whispered between tears.

A couple weeks later, they married in the small village chapel, attended by a few friends. Herr Weiss escorted Maria to the altar where her beloved groom waited nervously. Weiss lovingly bid her not to rush; it was a short aisle and he wanted to savor the honor. When the ceremony ended, Frau Engel invited everyone to celebrate at a reception she prepared at her inn.

Those who were there would remember the humble celebration for a long time; Herr Weiss performed an impromptu concert in honor of the happy couple. The small staff of the inn prepared a feast to rival any fine dining establishment in all of Austria. But mostly, everyone remembered how the air became electrified when the handsome groom and his resplendent bride looked at each other.

When it was over, Herr Weiss chauffeured them away to the outskirts of the town, stopping finally at a small footbridge because he could drive no further. As Smitty helped his bride from the automobile, his friend handed him a bottle of champagne and congratulated them both one last time. Maria leaned into the car to kiss his cheek, tearfully thanking him for everything he did for them. They watched him turn around and drive away, both grateful and terrified to be alone at last.

Smitty took his bride's hand and beckoned her to follow. He led her across the bridge, along a low stone wall until it was clear to her where he was taking her; a small white cottage nestled in a patch of trees came into view. Smitty opened a short gate and together they approached the weather beaten door. He pulled a small brass key out of his pocket, turned the lock and let the door swing open.

"I know it's small," he said apologetically.

"No," Maria responded with awe as she slipped her hand through his arm and walked over the threshold beside him. "It's a palace. It's home."


	9. Chapter 9 Winter 1935

Chapter Nine

The first snow of winter was beginning to fall in earnest. The hazy skies had been threatening and teasing for days, but now it was starting to stick to the ground and the trees that surrounded the small cottage. It is prettier than a picture postcard, Maria thought, as she pedaled her bicycle over the footbridge and along the stone wall. She was sure she would never be tired of the sight before her; a thin curl of white smoke drifted slowly from the chimney and a faint light glowed from the small front window. To a stranger, it was probably not worth a second look, but to her it meant comfort knowing someone was waiting for her there.

She hopped off and pushed the bicycle the last few feet to the gate. She acknowledged that it was the final ride into town on it now that snow arrived by pushing it to the side of the house for long storage. She gathered her shopping basket and hurried inside.

The house was warm and quiet. She quickly shed her coat and scarf and set off to the small kitchen to put her purchases away. Despite the size, it was cheery and bright when the sun was in the sky. As she set the basket on the short counter by the sink, something in the backyard caught her attention causing her to stop and smile.

Smitty was working hard to chop and stack the last of the wood for winter. She was quite sure they had plenty to get them through, but her husband seemed to revel in the effort that it took to make their cottage a home. It had done wonders for his health. Coupled with the extra few miles it took to walk or bicycle to town, the woodpile helped Smitty shed the lingering last effects of his accident and subsequent illness.

Of course, Maria didn't have to watch him chop and carry loads of firewood to know that Smitty was becoming more muscular and fit. There were other physical activities that came with married life that afforded her the privilege of this information more intimately. She found herself smiling again at the thought, and then blushing when she realized she couldn't stop smiling. A few times she thought she was abnormal for thinking about it all the time. Most of the time, though, she just didn't care.

Smitty continued to transform into a man she had to believe he was even before she met him. She had been worried that in some inexplicable way, her youth and inexperience (she had to confess to him that he was the first to ever kiss her) might compete with a past that remained unknown to both of them, but his gentle passion was too genuine for her to worry about it for long. Her husband's mental condition would always be cause for relative uncertainty, but she knew in her heart that the man she fell deeper in love with every day would remain forever hers.

After she quickly finished her chore, she opened the back door and stood watching him for a few minutes before calling to him to let him know that she returned. He stopped what he was doing and looked up with a smile.

"You are home late," he said, his heavy breathing visibly punching at the cold air.

"Things took longer than I expected," she explained vaguely with a grin. "We're supplied and ready to be snowbound, but it won't be as much fun if one of us is outside freezing to death." He responded by swinging the axe into the chopping block and quickly met her at the door.

"Then I'll come in," he said warmly. "All work and no play, you know." He shook the snow off and then gave her a quick kiss before following her inside.

Smitty poked at the fire to bring it back to life and warm his hands before disappearing to wash up. Maria settled onto the sofa and lost herself in thought as she watched the flames dance higher and toss a yellow light around the room. So much had changed in such a short span of time, and change was still ahead. Yet she had never known such contentment since she was a small child. The memory of her parents sparked an idea and she reached for her guitar.

She softly hummed as she tried to pluck out a tune in three quarter time. She knew the tune well, and slowly the words came back to her with ease. It had been a long time, but her father used to sing it too often for her to forget. She started to play it from the beginning when her husband reappeared refreshed. He sat next to her and listened.

"What is that?"

"It's a song my father used to sing to me as a lullaby. I wanted to see if I could remember it." She kept playing and then started to sing.

Edelweiss, Edelweiss  
Every morning you greet me  
Small and white clean and bright  
You look happy to meet me  
Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow  
Bloom and grow forever  
Edelweiss, Edelweiss  
Bless my homeland forever.

"It's beautiful," he said thoughtfully when she finished. "I wonder if I knew it once."

"You should learn it," she said with a slight smile, setting the guitar down and curling up closer to his side. "Since we're talking about music, tell me about what you're working on now."

"Oh, it's a secret," he teased. "And I haven't been able to devote much time to it, seeing how I must work so hard to keep my wife in jewels and furs."

"You're very funny," she groaned with a short laugh.

"The truth is that I'm a bit stuck," he admitted. "I think that is what happens when one is madly in love with his muse. It is very hard to stay focused." He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer to his side.

"Either way, you seem to be blaming me."

"Never," he laughed, reaching up to play with her hair.

"I think I know what you need to do," Maria said, sitting up and looking into his face. "You need to try to write something different. You know, take your mind off it for a while."

"If you are suggesting I need to be distracted, well…" he laughed again.

"Incorrigible," she replied. "I'm serious. I think you should write something different… for example, maybe you should try to write a lullaby."

"A lullaby?" he mumbled, leaning his face closer to her, nuzzling the line of her jaw until he reached her ear. "I suppose that could be fun."

"Mmm," she moaned at the feel of his breath on her neck. "Yes, it could be for fun… or something else."

"Why else would I write a lullaby?" he asked absentmindedly into her hair, dragging his lips across her cheek to her mouth.

"I can think of at least one good reason," she replied with less subtle implication before he stopped her from talking with his kiss. She indulged his affections, letting the words catch up in his brain. He finally stopped kissing her and quickly pulled away and stared.

"Hold on," he said, feeling his heart start to race. "Are you… wait, are you saying… Maria, what are you saying?!" She didn't need to answer. Her eyes were shining as she nodded slowly.

"That's the real reason I am late returning, darling," she whispered. "I just wanted to be sure before I said anything. The doctor confirmed it so I guess it's true. Are you happy?"

"I… I…," Smitty stuttered. "I'm… yes, I'm happy, of course, I'm just… I don't know what to say! 'Happy' doesn't seem like a big enough word! A… baby?"

"That word is even smaller, darling," Maria laughed, holding back a little. Smitty still showed signs of shock and had yet to exhale. She watched as he ran both hands over his face and into his hair, his eyebrows raised in surprise and confusion. "Oh, Smitty… tell me! Take a breath and tell me you're glad."

He looked at her for a short moment and then stood up and turned away, burying his face into his still raised hands. She heard an odd sound come from him and his whole body shook, so she reached out to comfort him. He finally dropped to his knees beside her and gazed loving into her eyes. His eyes were drenched and his lips trembled.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, taking her face in both his hands. "I'm just so incredibly overwhelmed right now. I am happy, Maria, but this happiness I'm feeling is so incredible and I'm not sure I'm worthy of any of it." He leaned his forehead against hers while he surrendered to the joyful sobs bursting in his lungs. "Oh, darling, I love you… so very much." Maria placed her hands over his and wept at the fullness of his reaction, allowing herself to finally feel the elation she held back until she could share the news with him.

"Oh, Smitty… can this really be happening to us?" she asked with wonder. "You're really pleased, aren't you?"

"I am," he stated again. "And you? What are you thinking about all of it?"

"To be honest," she smiled, wiping her eyes. "I'm thrilled and excited and very happy and a little bit terrified. You see, I never expected anything like this to ever happen to me, Smitty. I thought… I thought…" Her voice cut short as the enormity of her emotions caught in her throat. She swallowed hard and laughed at herself as fresh tears began to fall. "I thought God forgot about me, but he didn't. This was his plan all along and now… my cup runneth over." Smitty moved beside her and held her while she wept all her tears.

After a couple minutes, the tears were gone and joy remained. Maria rested her head on his chest with a gratified sigh.

"What do we do now?" Smitty asked quietly.

"I'm not entirely sure," Maria tenderly replied. "But I think we live happily ever after."


	10. Chapter 10 January 1936

Chapter 10

After the holidays, Maria returned to her schedule of music lessons for Herr Weiss. She was glad to see her young students again, but by the end of the first week she noticed that she tired more easily. She attributed this to her condition but since it wasn't too bad she was determined to maintain the routine. She certainly wasn't about to let a little fatigue prevent her from enjoying the best part of her week. Every Friday afternoon Smitty would arrive as her last student finished and they would spend the evening with their dearest friend.

Herr Weiss was, of course, the first person they told about the baby. Instantly he started to refer to himself as 'Opa' which touched Maria's heart deeply. She loved him as a father and delighted in the idea that he would consider her and her child his family as well.

"You worked very hard today," she told her student as she walked her to the door. "I can tell you practiced over the holidays. I'm very pleased."

"Thank you, Frau Schmidt," the girl replied as she hurried down the steps to the sidewalk. "Goodbye and happy birthday!"

"How did you know it was my birthday?" Maria called after her, quite puzzled. The girl only turned with a quick wave and disappeared down the street. Maria scratched her head in wonder as she closed the door. She turned to find Herr Weiss ready to go somewhere, ready to help with her coat.

"It's Friday," she reminded him.

"Yes, but your husband asked me to bring you home. He is worried that a late night will cause you to overdo, and I quite agree." He held her coat open and nodded for her to put it on.

"I feel just fine," she insisted, slightly perturbed that she was not even consulted before they cancelled plans.

"That's good," he smiled queerly. "But there's no point arguing. He's not coming and I don't have any food. So that's that."

"Did you tell Anna it was my birthday today?" she asked, following him to his automobile and sliding in the front seat next to him.

"Is it your birthday?" He asked with surprise. "Well, happy birthday, Maria."

"Thank you," Maria replied, still confused. "How did she find out? It is all very strange." Herr Weiss nodded agreement but said nothing more as he started the motor and pulled away. Maria shrugged and gave up when she suddenly noticed that they were not going in the right direction.

"Wha… where are we going?"

"You'll see," was the only reply. Maria frowned but said nothing else. She recognized the route and soon suspected they were headed toward the inn she and Smitty called home before they married. As they drove closer, she noted that there seemed to be more automobiles parked along the lane than usual and that every window in the inn was well lit.

"It looks like Frau Engel is having a party," she mused, and then it quickly dawned on her. "Oh, no… you tell me what is happening right now!" She didn't try to hide her vexation.

"It is not good to yell at old people," Herr Weiss defended, ignoring her tone. "My job is to deliver you here. Your job, if you can manage, is to not ruin everybody's fun." Maria rubbed her fingers against her forehead and sighed.

"Birthday parties are for children," she complained. "It's almost embarrassing."

"Try to look at it this way, Maria. This is just a party. Your birthday is merely the excuse for it."

"Fine. I'll be a good girl. But whoever thought up this idea is going to get a piece of my mind," she griped, slumping into the car seat in defiance.

"Then I'm very glad it wasn't me," he laughed, pulling up to the door and turning off the engine. "And I pity any man who might be married to you tonight."

"I might have known," she sighed, then quickly covered her mouth to hide her grin. "I guess it is rather sweet of him."

"But when you thought it was my idea…"

"Oh, you are very sweet, too," she giggled. She looked out the car window and saw people through the front windows of the inn. "My goodness, I didn't think I knew that many people."

"Well, they know you. They love you. That is why you need to just have fun," he said again. "Of course, married folk forget how to have fun, so I'm told."

"Oh, no we don't," Maria scoffed with a sly grin. She opened the door and braced herself for what was to come.

Mercifully, Herr Weiss told the truth; it was just a party with her birthday as an excuse. She was the guest of honor to be sure and there were many happy wishes and congratulations, but the point of the evening was merriment. Maria graciously greeted everyone, those she knew and those she didn't. Finally she found Smitty standing in a corner beaming like a house cat after a killing spree.

"I should be annoyed with you," she said.

"I know," he laughed. "I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself, and when I mentioned it to Frau Engel, well… the woman loves to throw a party." Maria chuckled and leaned to kiss him quickly. He guided her through the small crowd of people and found a place for her to sit.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. "Hungry? Can I bring something for you to eat? I'm your slave tonight, darling."

"I feel wonderful," she said. "And all I need is for you to stay here beside me." He held her hand and watched the party swell around them. It was clear that everyone was having a good time.

Herr Weiss and a couple of his friends began entertaining, and soon the couple joined the other guests gravitating toward the music. Smitty found a spot against the wall and pulled Maria against him, wrapping his arms around her waist. She leaned back contentedly and rested her hands on his, watching everyone appreciate her teacher for the genius he truly was. Herr Weiss started with a few classical pieces on the piano, but slowly the ensemble began to alter the sound to something modern and new. He discovered it on a trip to Paris, he told them, a new jazz sound that was becoming quite popular there. The guests were enthralled and wanted more.

Before she knew it, Weiss was calling for her, urging her to join them. The audience was incredibly enthusiastic and Maria decided there was no point in fighting it. In fact, she wanted to sing. She made her way through the crowd and consulted with the master musician. As he started to play, she smiled over the crowd to her husband and gave him a quick wink.

_With my eyes wide open I'm dreaming_

_Can it be true I'm holding you close to my heart?_

_With my eyes wide open I'm dreaming_

_You're with me now sharing a vow never to part_

_I'm so afraid to close my eyes_

_Afraid that I'll find_

_This lovely thrill_

_Is just a silly illusion_

_With my eyes wide open I'm dreaming_

_Do I deserve such a break?_

_Pinch me to prove I'm awake_

_I can't believe that you're really mine_

There were times, she thought as she let the instruments take their turn with the song, when she believed that she really was dreaming. The way Smitty came into her life, the life they found together in a small village at the foot of the mountains, the life growing inside her… all of it a cruel illusion. She never dared to dream of this kind of happiness growing up. She longed for it, to be sure, but it always seemed meant for someone else. But as she looked at him, standing against the wall with love in his heart for her that went as deep as the blue in his beautiful eyes, she was grateful that Providence had seen her deserving in some way for all of it to be hers.

_With my eyes wide open I'm dreaming_

_Do I deserve such a break?_

_Pinch me to prove I'm awake_

_I can't believe that you're really mine*_

She blew him a quick kiss and took a shy bow. As she started to walk away from the piano, Herr Weiss stopped her. He waved his hand and told her to stay where she was for a moment. He saw the warning in her half serious stare, but he ignored it.

"Isn't she wonderful?" he asked the guests who agreed with a cheer and applause. "I'm asking her to stay because it is time for her birthday gift. The nice thing is that we get to share it with her." He relinquished his seat at the piano to Smitty who had made his way from the back of the crowd.

Maria could already feel her emotions starting to reel. She clutched her hands together as she stood nearby, realizing he wrote something just for her. She could feel tears starting to fill the corners of her eyes. She willed them back, not wanting to fluster him or make him more anxious than she knew he probably already was. Then he simply reached for her hand and kissed it lightly and she lost the little control she had.

"Darling, I haven't even started yet," he teased, causing her to laugh at herself. She looked up as she wiped her eyes. Her tears did not go unnoticed by her friends and she laughed again. She could feel the heat of embarrassment rising as she covered her cheeks with her hands.

Finally, Smitty started to play. Maria watched his hands as the music built slowly… it wasn't exactly what she expected. It was somewhat dark, played in a minor key, and yet it was still pleasant. She closed her eyes and let her heart interpret his song to her.

There was something tortured about the line that repeated in the beginning. The notes seemed almost desperate, a word that Smitty often used to describe his mental affliction. It suddenly occurred to her that was his intention. She brought her hands together again, clenched to her heart.

The desperation slowly melted as he transitioned from the minor key to a tender and effortless melody. It built slowly, becoming grander and brighter. Maria's mind was instantly taken to their mountain, to the beautiful sunrise they shared on that misty autumn morning. It was there that they confessed their love to each other, a new dawning of a different kind. She marveled at his ability to capture everything she felt that morning… the relief that he wasn't going to leave her, the joy as he told her he loved her, the intoxication of their first kiss. She felt it all over again.

The song slowed to a near stop. As he started again, he plucked out singular notes. They were simple notes like a child would play. As she noted that the tempo had somehow switched to three quarter time, she laughed. She laughed, not because it was funny but because it was clever. She could hear a lullaby in the melody now. She realized it was pointless to try not to cry. Smitty was touching her heart in a way that only he could. No one could understand what these moments he captured in music meant to them. It was a love letter, and she felt sorry for any woman who was not her at that moment.

The music returned to the familiar melody line. It was grand and majestic. It was happily ever after. She didn't want it to end, but it had to. Smitty had barely taken his fingers off the keys when she rushed at him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Darling, I… I have no words," she whispered into his ear. "What you've done is so fantastic. Thank you for my gift, Smitty. I'm deeply honored by it." Smitty didn't bother to acknowledge the cheering from the others. He reached for her face and brushed her lips softly with his. He was very glad she liked it, but just as glad to have it over with. He would never be the performer in their family, not like her. He finally nodded to their friends as he stood up.

As they mingled back into the crowd, many offered sincere compliments for what he had done, predicting great things from him in the future.

"There is only one future for me," he said in a low voice when they finally were able to speak alone. "And that is the one with you." She nodded as she wrapped her arms around him.

The party returned as the music started again. Some of the guests removed chairs and pushed larger pieces of furniture to the walls. The floor quickly filled with dancing couples eager to soak in some of the romance that filled the air. Smitty released Maria's arm, turned to face her and held out his hand with a slight bow. She took it and let him pull her into his arms. They didn't have much room to dance, but they felt like they were alone, twirling around a grand ballroom.

"I never had a birthday party," she confided to her husband as they gazed into each other's eyes. "But even if I had a hundred birthday parties, this would still be the best one."

"I'm glad," he replied.

After the party, Herr Weiss helped Smitty escort a very tired Maria to his automobile and drove them home. Maria fell asleep in the back while the two men talked about the evening. Herr Weiss expressed tremendous appreciation for the piece he composed for Maria.

"Thank you," Smitty said sincerely. "It is a very great compliment coming from someone like you."

"Can I make a suggestion?" The older gentleman continued.

"You mean, make a change?"

"Oh, that isn't what I mean at all! No, it was perfection! I know you were nervous and quite focused, but if you could see how it moved Maria, how it moved everyone! No, I would be your jealous enemy if I told you to change a thing."

"I wouldn't be offended," Smitty chuckled.

"No," Herr Weiss reiterated with a shake of his head. "I wanted to tell you about a music festival in Salzburg every summer. It highlights the fine folk traditions of Austria, but it also honors the contributions our country has made to the music and art world by producing some of the greatest composers of all time. There is a competition to showcase new composers and I think you should submit what you wrote for Maria. What do you call it, by the way?"

"What do I call it?" Smitty asked, surprised that his friend thought it was good enough for a competition. "I guess I call it 'For Maria'…"

"No offense to our girl back there, but naming it 'Maria' might make someone think you were trying to write a sacred piece."

"I'll think of something else," He replied hesitantly. He shot Herr Weiss a serious look. "You really think I should? I wrote it for personal reasons. I'm not sure…" Herr Weiss nodded vigorously.

"I do," he said with authority. "Of course, if it's too personal, I understand. You can think about it, but not too long. The submission deadline is the beginning of March. Let me know, I can help you get everything ready." Smitty remained silent, considering what it could mean to be part of a prestigious music festival, until they finally arrived at the footbridge.

"Thank you for helping making Maria's birthday special," Smitty said as he opened the door.

"I would do anything for her," Herr Weiss whispered, turning to look at her peacefully resting her head against the back of the seat. "There was a time that I ached to see that child have the happiness she deserves, but I ache no more. For that reason it is I who must thank you." Smitty opened her door and gently shook her awake. She yawned as climbed out and gave her beloved teacher a sleepy smile as she bid him goodnight.

Smitty put her arm in his and helped her make the short walk home. She rested her head on his shoulder and mumbled that she heard everything and wanted him to submit his composition. Smitty caressed the back of her hand tenderly and promised that he would do it for her.

He didn't think he had anything to lose.

**A/N: Despite all the romance in the last few chapters, I'm sure you've noticed a sense of foreboding. Hold on to your hats, the schnitzel is about to get real, yo. To those who have left reviews, thank you from the bottom of my heart… they mean so much. I would love to hear from more people, especially now that the story is about to change, but I'm not going to beg. Even though I kinda just did. PLEASE REVIEW. What can I say, I'm shameless.**

*****_**With My Eyes Wide Open I'm Dreaming**_** Words by Mack Gordon Music by Harry Revel**


	11. Chapter 11 Spring 1936

**Disclaimer: Don't own, not mine, blah blah blah**

Chapter Eleven

On the eighth day of April, a panel of judges, each one highly esteemed in their respective musical, academic and professional careers, met to make the final selections for the summer festival. Discussion was lively; it was a record year for submissions and the talent and style were as fierce as they were varied.

"It seems as though we will actually have to do our jobs this year," an elderly gentleman, a department head from the university and senior judge, quipped with a chuckle. "I am rather impressed, too, that we have a number of amateur entrants."

"I find it vulgar," a serious looking woman scowled. "And hardly worth our time when you consider how many of our students deserve this opportunity. It's what they work for all year long."

"I hardly think that is keeping with the spirit of competition," someone else replied. "It shakes things up. I agree that it has been refreshing." The woman rolled her eyes.

"Frankly, it would just be a waste of time. I think it is quite obvious who we should choose. Take the piano concerto by Ham Stache… brilliant."

"No one would argue with you," replied the newest panel member, a former competition winner. "But it is also no secret that he is your favorite. Let's face it, we all have our favorites. If we haven't had them study under us at the university or privately, we've been to their recitals. I dare say that most of them could have submitted these compositions without their names attached and we still would be able to say who wrote them, we are that familiar with them."

"It doesn't make them less deserving or make it less exciting to witness them launch their careers with our competition," a bored looking man who edited the cultural pages of the national news journal moaned. "You of all people should appreciate that."

"I agree," the young man replied, "But wouldn't it be something if one of these truly unknown artists were to make his mark this way? The publicity and interest would be fun… and you should appreciate that."

The debate continued for nearly half an hour. Finally, a first round vote was taken and the first seven performance positions were filled without much controversy. Further debate added two more names to the list. When the group was left to choose one last entry, the fuss started afresh.

The one thing they all agreed on was that there were really only two choices left. The first was a student who, if accepted, would represent the third generation in his family to participate in the festival. He was well known to everyone present, had paid his dues and submitted a clean piece.

The other was a complete unknown. His name was less than impressive and told them nothing of his musical pedigree. His transcription left a lot to be desired and he clearly displayed a very limited understanding of music theory. What drew half the panel to his piece, however, was not the technical construction, but the creativity and innovation.

"His music would have tremendous appeal. It is very moving and quite inspired," was the argument in favor. "He'd be the talk of the festival."

"I'm not ready to stake my professional reputation and the reputation of this event on what would appeal to the common denominator!" was the argument against. "At least our students have years of hard work to give credence to their potential. What if Herr Schmidt is unable to duplicate this accomplishment? We would all look like fools for promoting a musical footnote."

One side continued its defense of Schmidt on the grounds that his composition was more interesting and more artistic. They contended that even if he never wrote another piece and only became a footnote in festival history, it would be quite a footnote at that. The other side stuck to the idea that the reputation of the festival was too great to risk. The panel was deadlocked. Each side had exhausted its arsenal of reasons each man deserved the coveted last spot on the program.

They turned to the festival director for final guidance and perhaps the deciding vote. No one could be sure how he would be swayed. He was not a musician but he knew talent. Those who believed Schmidt should be chosen were certain he would see their point that despite his novice status, he had something important to contribute to the festival and the art world. Still, he depended on his reputation and was as unlikely as anybody to stick his neck out for such a wild card.

"Ladies and gentleman, what I lack in wisdom and perhaps courage, I more than make up for in sheer brilliance," the man who had been silent throughout the proceedings, announced with a touch of his infamous self-importance. "I would like to make a suggestion that will allow you all to have your way and possibly help us present the most dramatic festival we've had in years." He gave a summary of his idea and it was met with unanimous approval, though not complete excitement.

"Can we afford to do it," someone asked. "Moreover, do you think the conductor will agree? You are presuming a lot of him with only a few short months before the festival."

"I prefer to consider if we can not afford to do something," the director responded. "As for the maestro, I will do my best to persuade him."

"And if you can't?"

"Then Herr Schmidt will be invited to try again next year."

The judges were ready to accept the compromise. The meeting dismissed with the final matter in the capable hands of the festival director. Convincing the orchestra conductor to help present Johann Schmidt's original vision as a special feature was not difficult. He agreed that the piece, titled "Angelika" was inspired. He requested a meeting with Schmidt to discuss the full orchestration that would require him to devote serious time and effort if it was to be complete in time for the competition, two things he had very little to spare. A letter would be sent at once, the director promised.

_Dear Herr Johann Schmidt,_

_ On behalf of the Salzburg Festival Board of Directors and judges, I would like to thank you for your submission for this year's competition. We received a great number of entrants this season, and the selection process was quite intense. _

_ Your entry, "Angelika" earned a lot of attention. It is original, innovative and to put it simply, quite moving. Unfortunately, these qualities were not enough to convince the entire panel to include it in the program as a competition entry._

_ It was, however, collectively agreed that you deserve some form of honor for your accomplishment. We are very certain that the audience at the festival will enjoy a performance as a special feature. The conductor of the Salzburg Orchestra has agreed to provide a full arrangement for "Angelika" and has requested that you come to Salzburg to meet with him to discuss this possibility._

_ Due to the enormous amount of work that will have to be done for this to happen, this meeting must happen as soon as possible. We request this meeting occur on the morning of April 17 at 10 o'clock at the State Theater. I look forward to meeting you._

_ With warmest regards,_

_ Max Detweiler, Director_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The day Smitty departed for Salzburg, an eerie fog settled over the entire village and by the time he was to catch the train, the late afternoon felt more like midnight. News of his acceptance to the Salzburg Music Festival spread quickly throughout the town. For a time it was the topic of every conversation until word spread that another flu epidemic was reported in Switzerland and parts of Italy. It brought to mind the epidemic that ravished Europe after the Great War, and people were starting to worry it would spread into Austria.

For Maria, more immediate matters occupied her mind. She quickly retrieved the well worn carpet bag from her husband after he plunked it by the front door. She opened it and made a quick inventory of its contents and then laughed.

"What do you intend to sleep in, darling?" Smitty snapped his fingers and disappeared into the bedroom, reappearing with a set of pajamas that he careless tossed into the bag. "You'll never be a good packer, will you? Tsk... And you're cuffs are a bit frayed. They'll notice when they watch you play." Maria shook her head wistfully.

"I'm not too worried," Smitty replied, less concerned. "It will make me seem a bit eccentric, don't you think so? World weary artist and all that… "

"And I wish you had a better suitcase," she continued with a sigh. "I had to stitch up a hole in the bottom of this thing before I could use it to leave the convent."

"It's perfectly fine," Smitty laughed at his wife's fuss. "Don't think of it as old, think of it as experienced. Imagine the places this bag has been!"

"I'm thinking about where it's going," she answered back wryly. "But you're right. There's no point worrying about it now." She handed the bag to him. A smile gradually grew on her face. "Have I told how very proud I am of you?" He nodded as he dropped it by the door once more and then moved closer, pulling her into her arms.

"I hope I don't let you down," he said, looking into her eyes.

"You couldn't possibly," she said lovingly. They shared a warm kiss that was interrupted by a loud knock at the door.

"You're chariot!" a familiar friendly voice called from outside. Smitty hurried to open the door and greeted Herr Weiss.

"Is it time already?"

"I'm early," he explained. "There's a terrible fog. I couldn't see two feet in front of the car the entire way here. I missed your lane twice! I think we should consider leaving soon so we can drive slowly."

"Oh, dear," Maria exclaimed with some concern. "Well, I think we're ready to go now anyway. Smitty, do you have your key?" He checked his pocket and nodded.

"It's a bit damp, too," Herr Weiss warned. "So you'll want to wear a coat, Little Mother. It wouldn't do for you to catch a chill." Smitty grabbed her coat off a peg by the door, but she made no move to put it on.

"It doesn't fit me," she grumbled, unconsciously rubbing her hand over her pregnant belly. Smitty quickly doffed his and put it around her, but she protested. "You'll need it, darling."

"The train is warm and I'm sure the weather in Salzburg will not require it," he assured her, pulling it around her shoulders. He gently grabbed the collar and pulled her close for a quick kiss on the forehead. "It looks better on you anyway."

Herr Weiss did not exaggerate about the fog. The three took it slow walking across the footbridge and to the waiting automobile. No one spoke as Herr Weiss maneuvered through the streets toward the small station. Once they arrived, he bid Smitty good luck and told Maria he would wait for her in the car, giving them some time alone for last farewells. The fog seemed to follow them all the way to the platform.

"This weather really is quite something," Smitty remarked, to break the sad silence that had fallen between them.

"Please be careful when you get there," Maria urged. "You could definitely get lost in fog like this, especially in an unfamiliar city."

"I'm sure I'll be fine," he said lightly but with aim to comfort her. "This fog rolled off our mountain. I think it's a good sign, as if the hills are sending me some luck. Anyway, I'm sure it will be all clear by the time I get there." They strolled along the platform as they waited for the train to arrive. Maria wove her arm around his, holding on tighter than usual.

"Hmmm… when I walk into that theater, I'm going to imagine that you are right next to me, holding on just like this. I always have the best luck when you are on my arm, you know. I could slay giants. In fact, you could say that I have, and it is because you were always holding on to me." She smiled at his loving words, but Smitty could sense her mood becoming more somber as the minutes passed. He lifted her hand to his lips. "You're not very worried about me, are you?"

"No, not really. It just suddenly struck me that we've never been apart," she answered. "It's so strange to say goodbye."

"I'll be back tomorrow night on the eight o'clock," he offered, hoping it would somehow make things less sad. She nodded bravely and they fell back into silent anticipation. "I almost forgot… check my left pocket, will you? I got you a present."

Maria reached into his coat and pulled out a string of beads, all different shapes and sizes, but all the same shade of blue.

"Oh, Smitty," she smiled as she held them up for inspection. "They're lovely."

"Oh, they're not really," he chuckled. "I know they aren't much, but I couldn't resist them because I thought the color matched your eyes." He moved her hand closer to her face and smiled. "And I was right. A perfect match."

"Thank you, darling," Maria said softly, dropping her hand to look at them again. "I'll treasure them always." She reached for his face and kissed him, pulling away when she heard the hiss of the train as it pulled into the station. She cheerlessly watched it slow to a stop.

"Well… here we are," Smitty said to break up the moment, but he didn't make a move to go quickly. He pulled her into his arms and held her close until the boarding whistle blew. "Please don't be too sad. I'll be back before you even have a chance to notice I'm gone." He kissed her again and then picked up his bag.

Maria watched as he climbed aboard and made his way into the passenger compartment. She waited for him to open the window and lean out.

"Please take care of yourself," she called to him, trying to sound cheerful. "And hurry back." He answered just as the whistle blasted, causing them both to laugh. "What?"

"I love you," he hollered again. Maria blew him a kiss and waved as the train gradually pulled away. Smitty watched her follow along, but the rush of the train wheels stirred the fog. It swallowed her at once and in a blink she disappeared from view.

Much to his dismay, the fog was waiting for Smitty in Salzburg. He tried to find a cab outside the train station, but the strange weather created a high demand and he had no success. After a few inquiries, he learned that his hotel wasn't too far and he set off to find it by foot.

He walked along the main thoroughfare, counting the blocks until he reached the once he had been instructed to take. He noticed the emptiness of the sidewalks and the way his footsteps echoed off the buildings. He made his turn and continued, slowly wondering if he had miscounted or been given poor information. The street seemed to lead nowhere. All business establishments were closed and there were no lights to indicate he would find lodging any time soon.

He turned and retraced his steps, chiding himself for getting lost, debating whether he would ever bother to mention it to Maria when he got home, when he realized his footsteps seemed to sound strangely louder and the echo less rhythmic and graceful. He slowed down and decided that what he heard was someone else following him. He stopped and the other footsteps continued to approach. He searched around him, but the fog was too thick to see anything.

"Hello?" he called into the darkness. "Is someone there? I'm afraid I took a wrong turn. Could you tell me if…"

Smitty heard the footsteps stop and turned in time to see a figure raise a hand and bring it down quickly. The blow knocked him to his knees. He heard a ringing sound as he fell further to the pavement. Before he could process what had happened, his vision blurred and he lost consciousness.

He woke up an hour later with a throbbing pain in his head. He stood up slowly, looked around and started to wander. His legs steadied as he moved on, but the pounding in his head coupled with the dense fog left him hopelessly lost.

He decided to follow lights and sounds, stopping every so often to clear his mind and find his bearings. Finally, he came across the train station once again. At least he knew where he was. He stumbled through the doors and searched for a public telephone.

His hands shook as he dialed a number and waited for what seemed forever for the other end to finally pick up.

"Hello? Yes, I'm at Central Station and need you to come pick me up. What? What do you mean, who is this? Franz, it's me… Captain Von Trapp."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

_"Hello? Yes, I'm at Central Station and need you to come pick me up. What? What do you mean, who is this? Franz, it's me… Captain Von Trapp."_

Captain Von Trapp winced in pain as he waited for his butler to respond, but there was nothing but silence on the other end.

"Franz? Are you there?"

"Uh… one moment, please. Would you … would you please hold on the line? Thank you."

"Hold the line? Franz, I know it's late, but I really …"

"One moment… please." Franz interrupted. The Captain didn't want to hold the line. He wanted a simple 'yes, sir' to his request for a ride.

Franz laid the hand set down and took a moment to figure out what to do. He looked up the stairs when he saw a light coming from the living room. He quickly headed in that direction and found Max Detweiler fixing a drink.

"Sorry to arrive so late, Franz, but the fog made the trip twice as long. I didn't want to wake the family, so I just used my key. Just fixing myself a nightcap. I heard the phone… is it for me?" He started to take a drink when he saw the stricken look on the butler's face.

"Not exactly, sir, but… would you mind taking the call? I… I don't know…"

"You don't look so good," Max set his glass down and frowned with concern. "Who is on the phone?"

"He claims to be the Captain, sir." Max set his glass down, exhaling sharply. He tried to read the butler's face.

"Is it?"

"I don't know, sir. I suppose it could be, but… please, could you take the call and determine if it is him?" Max nodded and took quick steps toward the phone. He straightened himself and mustered the most serious voice he could.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Max? Is that you?"

"Georg?!"

"Yes, of course. Would you please tell me what is going on? I asked Franz to come pick me up but he is acting rather strange." Max looked at the butler who stood by, waiting for his own answers.

"Uh… where are you?"

"I'm at Central Station. I'd appreciate it if someone would come and get me. That is, if it isn't too inconvenient." There was an edge to his voice that sounded too familiar for Max to discount.

"I see. I'm on my way. Stay right there." Max hung up the phone and shrugged.

"What do you make of it, sir?" Franz asked. "Do you believe him?"

"I'll definitely go check it out," he answered as he thought it over. "You better go wake up Hede and let her know what's happened. If it is indeed the Captain… well, first things first." Franz nodded and turned to go.

Max mulled the facts and their implications over and over in his mind as he drove through the foggy streets of Salzburg. He thought it might be appropriate for his friend to reappear as suddenly as he disappeared, though it still didn't make much sense. Try as he might, he could not come close to a single explanation for any of it. As prone as Georg was to stormy moods and vague excuses to flee the villa after his wife's passing, it was completely out of character for him to be gone a whole year without leaving word of his whereabouts.

For the sake of the family, he hoped the man at the station was who he claimed to be. It had been a long torturous year for everyone. Since he was thinking about it, Max had to admit that he really wanted it to be him. He had missed his friend. He wanted nothing more than to bring the Captain home to his family.

He pulled up to the station and saw a solitary figure waiting by the curb. At first glance, Max couldn't be sure of anything and he felt his heart start to drop. The man standing there was poorly dressed and looked to be quite disheveled, the opposite of his friend who even dressed up to go to bed. He climbed out of the vehicle and approached the man slowly, but said nothing.

"Thank you for coming, Max. I'm sorry if Franz woke you. It is his job, after all." The voice and attitude was right, but Max's eyes were still not convinced. Max studied the man, stepping closer to get a better look at his face. The Captain stood up straight and glared back.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" He demanded, making the question more of an accusation. Max relaxed and let out his breath. He had didn't doubt anymore.

"I'm just making sure it's you, that's all. Surely you can understand…"

"I understand that everyone has lost their minds all of a sudden. Please, Max… I would appreciate it if you could skip the jokes tonight. My head hurts, I'm tired… I just want to go home and go to bed." The Captain moved toward the vehicle and climbed into the passenger seat. Max watched him do so, feeling annoyed. It was him, alright, but he was hardly acting the part of the prodigal he had expected. He slid behind the wheel and turned the automobile toward home.

They rode in silence for what seemed like an eternity to Max. He glanced over at the Captain every so often to see if any kind of explanation was forthcoming, but the man seemed to have nothing to say.

"Well, Georg?" He finally asked, slightly irritated. "Aren't you going to tell me what happened to you?" Georg turned to him surprise by his tone.

"Yes, I suppose since it's late I owe you that much…"

"You think so?"

"I can only offer you my best guess, I'm afraid. I figure I got too drunk and started a fight with someone much bigger than me. Or maybe I decided to fight gravity and tackled the ground with my face. Either way, I have a blundering headache." Max listened incredulously. Georg stared back and took his friend's silence to mean he should explain more. "As for these clothes… I haven't the faintest idea how I got in them. I have to chalk it all up to a weekend of drinking gone horribly wrong."

"That's it?!" Max said through clenched teeth, gripping the steering wheel to keep from shaking. "A weekend bender? That is all you have to say for yourself?"

"What's with you, Max? Did Sascha Petrie steal another one of your mixed quartets? Did Franz lock you out of my liquor cabinet? I hardly think you have a right to judge me…" He stopped talking when Max suddenly pulled the car to a stop on the side of the road and turned on him.

"What's with me? What's with you?! I want to know where you've been for the last year, Georg. I couldn't give a damn about some weekend binge that rendered you helpless enough to finally call home!" Georg took his turn at being surprised. He could feel the pain in his head starting to grow by the second.

"What are you talking about?"

"It has been over a year since you blew out of the villa without a single word of where you were going or when you'd be back. It may seem insignificant to you, my friend, but it has been hell for the rest of us, especially your children." The words seemed to hang in the air between the two men. Max waited for the Captain to defend himself.

"No… you're mistaken," Georg said, his whole body starting to tremble. "If this is another joke, Max, I told you…"

"I assure you, I am not joking." Georg felt himself stop breathing. Max was not joking, not in the slightest. Suddenly nothing made sense. He stared out the window, trying hard to remember anything but drew a total blank. It hurt to think.

"Max… I don't understand. How could I be gone an entire year and not remember any of it?"

"Do you know the date?" Max asked bluntly. Georg shook his head. "Do you at least know what year it is?" Georg wanted to guess, but if everything Max said was true, he knew he'd be wrong. "It's April 16, 1936. You've been gone over a year." Georg brought a trembling hand to his face and rubbed his tired eyes.

"It makes no sense." Both men sat in stunned silence, neither knowing what to say next. The Captain felt shattered by the reality of it. Max was yet to be forgiving.

"What you are telling me is that you have absolutely no memory of the past year… from the moment you left until you called the house?" The skepticism in Max's voice broke the Captain down.

"Please believe me… I had no intention of leaving for a whole year. When I left that day, I just needed to get away, I wanted to… to…"

"You wanted to forget." Max put dark emphasis on the last word.

"Yes, but… I didn't mean it, not like this. What's happening to me? Am I going crazy?" Georg dropped his head into his hands, a groan of extreme frustration escaping from his throat. Max felt his heart start to calm down and become less hardened toward his oldest friend.

"You told me you were going to take a train…" he prompted gently.

"Yes, I remember getting on it," Georg brought himself back, offering what little he could recollect. "But I can't tell you where it was going. I can't even remember getting off it." Max pondered the information for a moment and had a sudden thought.

"You said you were hit on the head tonight," Max processed his thoughts aloud.

"Yes… yes, I was," he answered, touching the lump that had formed on the side of his head. "Do you think that has something to do with this?"

"Maybe, but I have no idea," Max shrugged. "I'm inclined to believe your story, though, incredible as it sounds."

"Thank you, Max," Georg uttered quietly. "This is a nightmare, but at least you believe me."

Max started the engine again and continued the journey back to the villa. After a few minutes of tense silence, Georg cleared his throat.

"Max, have you been staying at the villa while I was, uh… gone?"

"No," he shook his head. "I checked on things whenever I had business here. I have a meeting tomorrow, as luck would have it."

"I see," the Captain replied.

"Your sister came to stay with the children, if that is what you're wondering."

"Hede? She did?"

"She put her life on hold to look after them, but it hasn't been easy becoming the surrogate mother for seven grieving children overnight. She's had quite a time of it, I might add," Max muttered the last part under his breath. "They've become a handful."

When they pulled into the driveway, Georg put his face close to the window to take it all in. Nothing looked different. It didn't seem like a year had passed him by. Aside from the head injury, he felt as though nothing happened.

They entered the house quietly, but Franz was waiting for them the moment they walked in. Max marveled that the man had redressed for the occasion. The butler took one look at the Captain and the color drained from his face.

"Welcome home, Captain," he offered, clearly shaken.

"Thank you," Georg gave a weak smile. He wanted to let the poor man off the hook. "I don't have any bags and it's quite late. I don't think I'll require you anymore tonight."

"Very well, sir," he replied after a quick recovery. "Your room has been readied and Baroness Von Trapp is waiting to see you. I believe she is in your study. Goodnight." The Captain nodded and watched the man retreat toward the servant's quarters. He made no attempt to move.

"Her first reaction is going to be relief," Max offered, sensing his friend's trepidation. "Don't be nervous. She's quite a remarkable woman, your sister. If she ever lost hope that you'd return, she didn't show it. Don't worry, I'll come along and help her understand."

Hede von Trapp was sitting on the edge of a chair, leaning her elbows on her knees and holding her head in her hands. She quickly looked up when she heard the door open. Max entered first and saw how the stress of the last hour had caused her much tearful suffering. He gave her a gentle nod and then made way for Georg to enter. Instantly she jumped to her feet and rushed to embrace him.

"Oh, Georg… my dear brother! Finally, you're back," she cried softly into his ear. "I can't tell you the thoughts that have been battling in my mind over what became of you."

"Yes," he answered. "I'm sorry. I know I caused a great deal of worry, but it wasn't my intention to… I mean, I…" His words began to falter. As he pulled away from her, he rubbed his head, wincing as he grazed the area of his injury.

"What is it? What happened?" She asked, looking at the spot he touched. "Georg, is that blood?" He nodded.

"I don't know what happened," he tried to explain. "I don't know anything… I can't give you any explanation for my absence, Hede. Even as I say it to you, it is all so incredible… I can't remember. I can't remember a single thing."

"What?" She searched her brother's face. "I don't understand. What don't you remember?"

"I mean, I woke up this evening on the ground in some dark alley unaware that the last year even happened. In my mind, I only left a couple days ago."

Hede sat back down, letting it all sink in. She thought she should have a million questions for her brother, but she couldn't formulate a single one. She looked at Max, pleading for answers. He only shook his head.

"I didn't believe it either at first," he spoke to her. "But for some reason, I do now. We always thought it was unlike him to disappear for that long, especially without sending word of his plans. If nothing else, at least that part makes sense now." She turned back to her brother.

"Aren't there any clues? Did you have a bag or overcoat? Have you checked your pockets for anything that might tell you where you've been?" He reacted quickly to her suggestion. Why hadn't he thought of it sooner? He reached into his pants pockets. At first he found nothing, but then his fingers felt something. He pulled out a small brass key. He stared it hard, but finally had to concede that it meant nothing to him. He dropped it back into his pocket.

"It's no use," he sighed. The three fell silent. Max suspected Hede wanted to express some anger at Georg for abandoning his family, but in light of the peculiar circumstances, it hardly seemed fair. Yet, he was sure she felt robbed in some way. Instead of answers, they were left with more questions. When no one spoke, Max mentioned the early morning hour.

"Well, my meeting is now only a few hours away," he explained. "I'm going to go to bed. I think we should call the doctor to come and take a look at that wound first thing. Perhaps he can give us advice about the other matter, too." He leaned down to give Hede a quick kiss good night on her cheek. He gave a sad nod to his friend. "It is good to have you home, Georg."

"I suppose we should do the same," Georg heaved a weary sigh after Max left.

"Georg," Hede said, slightly agitated. "I'm trying hard not to be hurt and angry after hearing what you've been through, but you've been gone over a year…"

"For the last time, Hede, I can't tell you what I can't remember!" He protested angrily. "I'm tired, my head is killing me… please show me some mercy!" She flinched at his sudden outburst, then stood up and glared.

"I am trying to show you mercy, little brother," she answered in a controlled tone. "I was only wondering if you were ever going to get around to asking about your children. Should I remind you of their names?" Georg instantly regretted his fit of temper.

"The children… of course, I want to know about the children," he mumbled. "I understand I owe you a great deal of thanks for taking care of them. Do you think they hate me?"

"No, I don't," she replied as she exhaled, softening slightly. "But they're hurt. I wish I could say I've been a good guardian to them, Georg, but they never trusted me. The older ones are sure I knew where you were and refused to tell them. The younger ones took their cues from the older ones. They've abided my presence for the last couple months, but barely. They desperately wanted you and instead they got me."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "They shouldn't blame you. Maybe after I explain things, they will appreciate your sacrifice. Explain things… how in the world am I going to help them understand any of this? I don't understand any of this! They will hate me. Maybe it would have been better if I never came back." Hede stood and cupped her brother's face in her hands.

"They will be happy to see you, Georg. We've all prayed desperately for your return and it really is a wonderful relief… for all of us. But we can't pretend things are all better simply because you're home. Things weren't good before you left, and you still have to deal with that. But with a little time, if we try hard… everything will turn out." He told her he hoped she was right and kissed her goodnight.

He didn't bother to nurse his headache. He only wanted to sleep. He entered his bedroom and found it just as he left it. Again he was struck at how little anything seemed to have changed. Shouldn't something be different, some small way to see that time passed… or that he was missed? He stripped out of the clothes he wore and tossed them into a wastebasket by his dresser, having no intention of ever wearing them again.

After a quick shower, he pulled on some pajamas and fell into bed. He lay in the dark, hoping the silence and the solitude would somehow help him bring some sense to this recent turn of events. It was futile. He had nothing to work with, not a single clue to where he went or what he did for one whole year. Did he?

He sat up quickly and turned on the lamp by his bed. He hurried to the wastebasket as if it would somehow disappear if he didn't act quickly. He dug through the trousers and found the little brass key. He returned to the edge of his bed and sat down, turning the object over and over in the palm of his hand.

It could be a key to anything, he thought. It was probably useless to pin any hope on such a small key, but it was all the hope he had. He set it on the edge of his night stand, rested his head and fell asleep staring at it.

**A/N: Phew. **


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Hede informed the children of their father's return before breakfast the very next morning. The news was met with silence at first, but eventually there were just too many questions to let it sit for long.

"Where has he been?" Marta asked.

"That's just it, dear," Hede tried again to explain. "He can't remember. He can't remember anything that happened in the last year." The explanation was met again with silence. Even as she repeated the words to them, it occurred to her how fantastical it must sound to children. "I know it doesn't explain everything, but try to understand that this is all a very big shock to your father, too."

"But… where has he been?" Marta asked.

"He doesn't know," Friedrich replied. "Auntie just told you."

"Do you believe it, Aunt Hede?" Louisa asked, her voice full of doubt.

"Of course," the woman answered. "I don't have any reason not to. You see, there was an accident and your father suffered a very bad hit on his head. Our minds are very delicate things, my dear. We should focus on how happy we are that he is back with us."

"It just seems rather…" Louisa stopped herself.

"Rather what, dear?"

"Convenient," Louisa blurted out. She cast her eyes away from her aunt who gave a disapproving look at her outburst.

"Of course we are glad he's home," Liesl quickly interjected. "Louisa only means that we still wonder why Father disappeared for so long and then suddenly turns up…"

"Like a bad penny?" All heads turned toward the door and for a few moments, no one said anything.

"Welcome home, Father," Liesl offered finally, standing up and walking cautiously to his side. The others soon followed her lead and he was quickly surrounded by them all. Surprise and shock gave way to joy, and he found himself bracing hard against the flurry of hugs and jubilant faces.

Finally he was confronted with proof that he had indeed been gone a year. Both boys clearly had growth spurts. Friedrich looked like he had grown at least a head taller. He reached out and touched Gretl's hair, no longer baby fine. Marta, too, had crossed over from baby to little girl. He allowed the gathering to continue a few moments longer so he could let each one know with a quick and gentle touch that he was happy to see them, but then he pulled away and urged them each back to their seat.

"You must eat your breakfast before it gets cold." He instructed, sitting down at the head of the table and giving his sister a weak smile. It was probably not the reunion she had envisioned, but it would do. He let his eyes roam around the table again, trying to read their true reaction to his presence.

He worried the most about the oldest girls. They were sensitive and perceptive and had never been fooled by his trips and excuses to be away. He recalled little Brigitta reading his mind when he brushed off their questions during their mother's illness. He remembered Louisa's false bravado when he cut short those moments when they came to him for comfort after Agathe died. Even if they believed his explanation for the last year, he was doubtful if they would understand it. If they couldn't understand it, they surely couldn't forgive him for it.

The harshest truth came when he looked at Liesl. She looked more like Agathe than ever before, the version of her that was young and vibrant and beautiful… the one he fell in love with long ago. Instantly he felt that familiar ache in his chest. It was that feeling that always made him want to flee.

He noticed that no one was eating. He cleared his throat and decided to address the matter straight on and get it over with.

"I'm sure you are all eager for an explanation from me," he started. "All I can tell you is that last night I woke up on the street. I don't know how I got there. The last thing I can remember is boarding a train. I don't know where it was going and I don't remember where I've been. It's that simple really. Between those two events is a total blank in my memory."

"Aunt Hede said you had an accident," Brigitta was the first to respond. "Are you hurt badly, Father?"

"Not too badly," he answered, touching the spot on his head. "I can hardly feel the lump on my head anymore."

"Why did you go away for so long, Father?" Gretl finally asked the hard question. "Did we do something wrong?"

"Children, I think we need to dispense with all this conversation and eat our meal," Hede said, trying to drop the matter. "The important thing is that he's back and he's not leaving." She shot a look at him as she made the last comment. She could already see it in his face that he wanted to be anywhere but here.

"Is that true?" Brigitta looked at him with a long stare.

"I don't have plans to go anywhere," the Captain replied. "Look, children… I understand your questions, truly I do. I wish I could answer each and every one. What I can tell you is that I never intended to leave for so long and whatever happened to me must have made it impossible to come back to you sooner than I did. All I have is this…" He pulled the small key out of his pocket and held it up for them to see. "… and it provides none of the answers you desire."

"Is it a key to a house?" Marta asked, her eye wide with imagination.

"If I knew that, I wouldn't wonder so much if I belonged somewhere else..."

"You belong here, Father." Friedrich stated confidently, ending all talk of mysterious keys and unknown whereabouts. The important thing, they all knew, was that he who was lost was found. They were no longer orphans, no longer abandoned. His pronouncement drew happy agreement from the others and a peaceful calm settled upon mealtime.

"Still too much conversation and not enough eating," Hede repeated. "Please finish your meal, children."

"Yes, Aunt Hede," Liesl replied. Her father noticed it was not so much out of respect but to signal the others that they were to do as she said. He remembered how his wife would do that to him. In fact, they almost always waited for her to agree before following any of his orders. Liesl was not only the spitting imagine of her mother, she had assume her maternal role as well. It was a burden thrust upon her by his selfish actions. Suddenly he didn't feel very hungry.

As they finished their meal, Franz appeared and announced the arrival of the doctor. Georg gave a displeased groan but saw the opportunity to escape.

"Children, why don't you find something quiet it do for the rest of the morning," Hede suggested rather nervously. It was met with silent indifference.

"Children," the Captain interjected sharply. "Your Aunt gave you instructions. I know you were taught manners… have you forgotten them in a year?"

"Yes, Aunt Hede," they answered in unison. The woman looked weary and threw an embarrassed but thankful look at her brother as she stood up to follow him to his study.

"I don't think it is necessary for you to come hold my hand," he growled as she raced ahead to greet the doctor. She ignored his comment and found a place out of the way.

The doctor said nothing as he listened to the events that resulted in the injury he was inspecting. He cleaned his instruments and tossed them into his bag.

"Well, that is quite a gash you have, but you don't need any stitches," he finally spoke. "How is your vision? Is there ringing in your ears?" The Captain shook his head.

"No. In fact, I forgot it was there until you started poking at it."

"What were you doing out in that terrible fog? It's a veritable playground for all kind of degenerate scum."

"You don't say," was the sarcastic reply.

"What my brother is failing to tell you is that he was attacked," Hede spoke up. "Now he can't seem to remember the last year of his life." The doctor looked up quickly in surprise.

"Nothing at all?"

"Nothing," Georg said with a tired sigh. The more he was forced to explain it, the more ludicrous it sounded even to him. "I remember getting on a train, then waking up in the street… any thoughts?"

"It isn't exactly my area of expertise," the doctor said with a shrug. "It could be a temporary condition or you may never remember any of it. A specialist might help a little, but I'm pretty doubtful. I would suggest being thankful and let time work all that out."

"Thankful?" Hede asked, incredulously.

"I figure you had some kind of trauma that caused you to forget who you were for a time and the hit you took last night brought you back. Imagine how terrifying it would be to have no memory of anything, not even your own name."

Georg didn't need to imagine too hard. Some of the men he fought with suffered injuries and symptoms like the doctor had just described, some even worse. They had to relearn how to talk, how to walk, and how to feed themselves. In that way, he was thankful. Still, not knowing where he wandered for over a year was more than simply bothersome. He felt that there was part of him completely out of his control and it frightened him deeply. He absently pulled the small key from his pocket and twirled it between his fingers.

Hede walked the doctor out and left him with these thoughts. He wondered if he would ever know what happened. Was it just a matter of time? Would it come back to him at once or in bits and pieces? He wasn't sure which was preferable. And there was also one more factor; did he want to remember?

He slowly became aware of noise coming from outside his door. Not just one noise, but a chaos of noises filling the house. He slowly made his way to the door, opening it half way. Suddenly Gretl ran screaming into view, Louisa hot on her heels dangling something from her hand. Before he could say something, he heard a shout from the upstairs railing. He entered the front hall in time to see a ball fly across the ceiling. Friedrich had tried to reach his brother on the other side but missed by a mile. The ball landed with a loud bounce at the Captain's feet.

"What is the meaning of this?" He shouted, but he was ignored. The boys were in too busy yelling blame for the missed catch across the expanse of the entire room. Gretl flew by again, wailing on the top of her lungs.

Lord, does that child ever take a breath, he wondered as he grabbed Louisa's arm as she blew by in chase. Spotting the tiny snake she was using to torture her sister, he released her and ordered her to put it outside… far away outside. He shouted at the boys to stop their racket, but was drowned out by yet another commotion, this time coming from the ballroom.

He flung the doors open to find Brigitta and Marta sitting side by side on the piano bench, banging endlessly on the keys. He felt heat rising from his collar as he marched to their side.

"Girls, please!" They stopped in time to move their hands as their father slammed the lid over the keys. "What do you think you are doing? I asked you never to touch this piano!"

Marta huddled near her sister at the sound of his sharp rebuke. He was about to demand an answer when Hede rushed in, her face flustered and red.

"Girls, go find the others outside," she ordered them in a hushed voice. "Go quickly." She motioned them out the door with her hands and watched them hurry with a long exhale. "Georg, I'm sorry…"

"Explain this to me," Georg ordered, still seething. "There are rules, Hede. Even if no one clarified them to you, balls off the banisters and banging on the piano should be obvious. Did you throw all discipline out the window while in charge?"

"Of course not," she replied indignantly. "But they are children, Georg, seven of them to be exact. And they are just going to do what they are going to do! I tried…"

"Exactly why they need a firm hand," he cut her off. "We were raised in the same household, were we not? It isn't if you have no idea what strict discipline looks like."

"Don't talk to me like I'm stupid," she fought back, tears threatening to fall. "I do remember what strict discipline looks like. And I remember how it felt. I put my foot down with your children plenty, Georg, but my heart was too busy breaking for them! I tried to tell you that they resent me. They resented anyone who tried to be an authority because they needed you. I've never been a mother before in my life and I did the best I could while you were gone."

Georg paced while he tried to calm himself down. The injured spot on his head was starting to throb harder and harder with his racing heart.

"This piano," he pointed out in an even voice. "Belonged to my wife. It was her pride and joy. I cannot abide the thought of it being used as a plaything…"

"Then show them how to play it, Georg," Hede pleaded. "Instead of shouting at them, take the time to teach them."

"I don't play anymore," he answered as if it were reason enough to deny the girls his attention.

"Are you ever going to forgive her for dying?"

The question hit him like a slap in the face. He felt the blood start to boil again. She had no right to use his wife's death as a weapon in an argument about her failing to discipline.

"I do not wish to discuss that with you… not now, not ever." He spun on his heels and marched out of the ballroom. It was clear to him that he was going to have to take matters in hand and quickly. He would not suffer another outburst of that kind again. He vowed that he would try to stay and make things right with his children, but it would be impossible without order and discipline. He continued across the grand hall to the doors that led to the back yard. He stood on the terrace searching for his children. He could hear them, but they were nowhere in sight.

"Children!" He paused and waited for them to respond, but after half a minute, he could still hear them playing. He hollered again louder, but the results were the same.

"Blast! How in the world…," he muttered to himself, rushing back into the house and to his study. He yanked open his desk drawers angrily, tossing papers and folders aside in search of the only thing he could think of to help the situation. Finally he found what he was looking for.

When he returned to the terrace, he lifted a bosun's whistle to his mouth and blew a series of loud shrill sounds over the grounds. He paused a moment. The sounds of the children in the distance disappeared. He tried once more and sure enough, curiosity brought them into view.

"Hurry up," he called to them, waving them closer. They quickly sprinted to him, slowing down and approaching with caution as soon as they saw the scowl on his face. He pointed to the ground in front of him. "Line up, all of you… oldest to youngest. Quickly now, I don't have all day." They obeyed, but continued to give each other puzzled looks. Was this a game? "Where's Liesl?"

"Here I am, Father," she spoke softly from behind.

"Where have you been?"

"I-I-I had homework," she answered innocently. She stared at her siblings standing in a row. Louisa and boys were trying hard to look stoic. Marta and Gretl kept looking at the others in confusion. Brigitta bit her lower lip in an attempt not to cry.

"Get in line," he demanded, pointing to her place with a sharp flip of his head. She quickly stood next to Friedrich. "It seems that we've let our behavior and sense of decorum slip in my absence. I shouldn't think it necessary to remind you that playing ball in the house is forbidden or that using garden crawlies to torment the baby is cruel and will not be tolerated." He stepped closer to Brigitta and Marta and addressed them directly. "As for abusing the piano, I'm extremely disappointed. You are not to touch it. Ever. In fact, the ballroom is strictly off limits. Do I make myself clear?" Both girls nodded, starting to tremble at the force of his voice in their faces.

"I expect an answer," he scowled. "From all of you."

"Yes, sir," they mumbled in unison. He ignored Brigitta's tears for the moment and turned to Liesl.

"You are the oldest, Liesl. The other's follow your lead. I expect you to be an example and will hold you accountable," he spoke softly but firmly to her.

"Yes, sir," she replied without blinking. She avoided eye contact, staring beyond him without a trace of emotion. Agathe used to do the same thing when she was not pleased with what I had to say on a matter, he realized as the thought of it put him off guard.

"Now, I'm going to forget about what happened and give you a fresh slate," he explained, pacing before them. "But be aware that I will not put up with needless shouting or running throughout the house like it is a playground. You know my expectations. Conduct yourselves properly. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," they responded. The Captain gave them a satisfied nod and returned to the sanctuary of his study. The children slowly relaxed in their line, but seemed afraid to move out of it. Finally Friedrich turned toward his older sister.

"That wasn't fair of him to blame you for what we did," he consoled her. She nodded but shrugged as though she didn't much mind. She was too concerned for the younger ones.

"Brigitta? Are you alright?" The girl nodded then burst into fresh tears, rushing into her sister's arms for comfort. Marta was soon joining her.

"Why was he so cross?" Gretl asked, needing someone to explain what had just happened to her.

"He wants us to be quiet," Kurt muttered. "And well behaved. And have absolutely no fun at all. That's why."

"Hardly," Liesl corrected. "Nothing he said was unreasonable. You're old enough to know better than to throw the ball in the house."

"It wasn't what he said but how he said it," Louisa jumped to Kurt's defense. "And that awful whistle! What was that?" No one had an answer. They slowly moved down the steps and walked solemnly back to the far side of the property.

As soon as the Captain sat down at his desk, there was a short knock on the door. Before he could tell whoever it was to go away, it opened and Max sauntered in, dropping his attaché on a chair and making straight for the liquor cabinet.

"It's a bit early for a drink, Max," he scoffed. He didn't really care. The thought of a drink appealed to him after the way his day was turning out.

"I need it," Max complained. "I stuck my neck out for some musical nobody and he didn't have the decency to show up."

"That's too bad," Georg mumbled sympathetically, but without much interest.

"Oh well, it was a gamble," Max sighed. "The conductor seemed disappointed, but to be honest he was a little relieved too. It was going to be a lot of work to get this ready for the festival." He held up a stack of sheet music and tossed it on the desk. "You play, don't you? You should try this piece. It's quite different." Georg picked up the sheet music and thrust it back without looking at it.

"I used to play, but I don't anymore," he protested. "Kindly remove this. I'm not interested." Max took it back, shook his head and shoved it deep into an unused pocket of his briefcase.

"I'll have to remember to send it back with a sharply worded letter to the ingrate," he mused, tossing back his drink and placing the glass on a table.

"Max," Georg said, his voice full of anxiety. "I'm sorry about your meeting, but I need a friend now. I think I'm going crazy. I should be happy to be home, happy to be with my children, thankful for everything I have but… it's happening again. It's just too much… the painful memories, the children, and I swear, Max… if I have to explain one more time that I can't remember anything, I may hurt someone. I'm feeling the urge to get out of here and I haven't been home a full day!"

"I don't doubt it," Max said with understanding. "You're only human. You've been through a lot and have much on your mind. But I have to beg you to fight that urge, Georg. Hede needs a break. I don't know if you've noticed but that woman is about to crack."

Georg rubbed his eyes and nodded. He knew Max was right about his sister. Running out would be cruel to her and to the children. He could hardly expect order and self control if he couldn't produce any in himself. He started to wander around his desk, twirling the key between his fingers again. It had a soothing effect on him.

"What am I going to do?"

"You need distraction, Georg. Now that you're back, the curious and down right nosy are going to invite you to parties and dinners… why don't you accept a few and see what happens?" Max waited for protest. Georg Von Trapp loathed the social life, even if it served him personally or professionally. Instead, the suggestion was met with silence. Max looked up to see his friend staring out the window and onto the patio.

"Excuse me, Max," he said, barely getting the words out as he left the room. Max made his way to the window to see what had captured his interest so quickly.

"Ahhh… yes. The distraction has arrived," Max chuckled.

Georg wandered onto the patio toward a small table that had been set for tea. His sister saw him and quickly beckoned him to join her.

"Georg, darling, in all the excitement I totally forgot that a guest was coming," Hede breathlessly hurried to explain. "I'm sorry I failed to mention it sooner, but surely you can understand that my mind has had a lot to process."

"I'm sure it won't be a problem," he said gently, smiling at the guest. "Welcome to my home."

"Oh, my manners…" Hede chided herself. "Georg, this is my dear friend, the Baroness Elsa Schraeder. Elsa, my brother… Captain Georg Von Trapp."

"How do you do?" the Baroness nodded sweetly. "Hede has told me a lot about you. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"I believe the pleasure is mine, Baroness."

Hede breathed a small sigh of relief. Finally something was going right.


	15. Chapter 15 Autumn 1936

**Mega-disclaimer: 'The Sound of Music' and 'Random Harvest' are not mine… this story is a tribute to their awesomeness. **

Chapter Fifteen

Lovely. Charming. Witty. Graceful. In her own amazing way, his savior. Elsa Schraeder had brought some meaning back into his life. Yet he couldn't bring himself to admit any of this to her. The raw painful memories in his heart raged against the unknown memories of his mind, rendering him useless to anyone who wanted to be close to him… the Baroness, his children, anyone.

None of that seemed to matter to her. Elsa was willing to be a scapegoat, to help him pretend to be madly active so that he may feel he lived a life of purpose. She didn't mind, she told him, because she knew what it was like to lose a spouse, the other half of what makes you feel whole. Like him she was searching… and maybe whatever they searched for they would find together.

Her visit to Salzburg had been a godsend for his poor sister who was on the verge of a total emotional breakdown, but her charm worked its greatest magic on him. A simple look from her made him stop brooding. Her smile removed the impulse to runaway.

"As soon as I get out of bed in the morning, I open all the windows because that is how she liked it," he confided to her as they strolled along the lake her last evening at the villa. Elsa not only listened during the rare moments when he wanted to talk about Agathe, but indulged him.

"I still sleep on my own side of the bed," she admitted in reply. "And his pillow…"

"Oh, yes… her pillow! It still smells like her perfume." He rolled his eyes to the heavens.

"It's maddening, isn't it? But I can't bear to get rid of it."

"The worst is when I reach across the bed and she's not there," he confessed, finally. "I tell myself that she is up early to tend to the children, but…" He couldn't finish the thought.

"Why do we torture ourselves, Captain?" Elsa asked. "Maybe our friends are right. We need to bury the memories and move on. But then again, aren't these also the good memories? If only we could pick and chose what we remember." Georg responded with a wry laugh and she instantly wished she hadn't decided to become so philosophical. "Oh! I'm terribly sorry… what a completely horrible thing to say to you. I wasn't thinking…"

"It's quite alright," he assured. "You aren't saying anything I haven't already thought to myself."

"Still, it was incredibly insensitive. Here I am trying to be your ally in grief and I'm just as bad as everyone else." He looked at her for a long moment and then shook his head.

"No," he said fondly. "You aren't like everyone else, Baroness." The last light of dusk had vanished and the stars were becoming bolder in the sky.

"I'd feel better if you called me Elsa," she whispered, stepping closer and taking his arm. He suddenly froze and stared down at her hand resting on his forearm. He didn't know why it affected him as strongly as it did. Sensing his uneasiness, she quickly withdrew from his side. "Forgive me, I'm much too forward."

"There's no need," he mumbled. "I...I don't know why I reacted like that. It had nothing to do with you, I assure you."

They walked in silence toward the house. The odd sensation was gone, but it had managed to shatter the pleasant mood they had both enjoyed until then. Before they went inside, Georg stopped and turned to her to thank her. He had enjoyed her company and for the first time he didn't feel so alone.

"Good night, Captain," she answered, sad that their time together had ended awkwardly. "And thank you for letting me extend my visit during such an inconvenient time for you. I've had a lovely time."

"Elsa," he quickly answered, using her name as she asked. "I want you to call me Georg. I hope we're friends now. Your presence made my return to the living bearable. More than bearable, if I may be so bold. I hope it won't be long until I see you again."

"Do you ever spend time in Vienna?"

"Not really," he answered honestly, though the thought suddenly appealed to him. She gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek and bid him goodnight.

Before she left the next day, she made him promise to come and visit and here he was on his sixth trip to see her in as many months. He stood at the bottom of her grand staircase waiting to take her to dinner. He looked up when she finally appeared and felt his breath give way. She was a vision of alluring beauty. Her elegance and sophistication was effortless. She flashed him a broad smile as she gracefully descended to his side.

Suddenly, he felt it again… as she came down the stairs, he had a sense of familiarity that came and vanished in a moment. It was the same feeling he had when she took his arm… a faint whisper of memory that fades before he can grab it.

"You look adorable," he complimented her, recovering before she could notice.

"Then adore me," she laughed, accepting his offer to help with her wrap. "I'm sure I can handle it."

Georg managed to relax during dinner, thanks to the wine and Elsa's skill as a conversationalist. She asked about the children, gossiped about their friend Max and discussed her plans for the Vienna Ball season. When the meal was finished and all they had left was the bottle of wine, she stopped talking and watched the couples dancing.

"I hope you're not disappointed that I haven't asked you to dance," he said, reading her mind. "I'm afraid that is another thing I don't enjoy as much anymore, though to be truthful, I was never very good at it."

"I'm not disappointed," she lied. "I was just thinking how jealous these women are of me. I'm here with the most handsome man in all of Vienna tonight. If we were to dance, they would think I was showing off." She paused and looked into his eyes. She leaned closer to him and rested her hand on his arm. "I'm glad you're here, Georg."

"I'm glad, too," he smiled. "Very glad." Elsa pulled away and sighed. She took a sip of her wine, peering at him over her glass with flirtatious eyes.

"It's true, you know. You really are very handsome," she cooed as she set the wine down. "And interesting and charming… I should hate you."

"Hate me? Why?"

"Because you have ruined other men for me, that's why. It is quite unfair."

"Elsa…"

"Please, Georg… you don't have to say it. I'm very willing to pretend that I'm the reason you come to Vienna. But I can't pretend that I don't have feelings for you, not anymore."

"I know," he answered quietly, taking her hand in his, admiring each finger and enjoying the lightness of them resting in his palm. He changed his mind and asked her to dance. "Let's make the women jealous and the men wonder what took me so long."

"Handsome, charming and impulsive," she teased as she let him lead her to the floor. "Pretty words will only make things harder for me, darling. Please don't be cruel."

"I would never," Georg replied, staring into her eyes as they moved together around the room. "You are beautiful. I'm only telling you what every man is thinking right now and what I have thought since the first time I met you." Elsa wanted to believe he meant it. She studied his face for a moment. The man was such a riddle.

"I wonder why you haven't fallen in love with me." She continued her coy pursuit.

"I've wondered that myself," Georg replied thoughtfully.

"Then why don't you? We have such good times when we're together," Elsa reasoned, trying to stay lighthearted. "You and I make sense if you stop and think about it."

He stayed silent as they finished the dance, sensing her growing uneasiness. She was trying so hard to make him believe she wasn't serious, but he knew better. She made him very happy but he knew could not say the same in reverse. On his part, it wasn't a question of if he _wanted_ to make her happy… it was if he _could_. And she deserved a man that would succeed abundantly in making her happy.

"Elsa," he said. "I never said I haven't fallen in love with you." His words caused her to drop her smile.

"I know you're not serious," she told him, clenching her hands to her side and trying to calm her beating heart. "Let's not play this game anymore. Someone is likely to get hurt and I'm afraid it might be me." She made a move to walk away.

"I'm not making fun, darling," he answered, holding onto her hand to keep her from fleeing. He waited for her to look up at him. "You are very dear to me. I've spent too much time in the past and never realized what a beautiful future I could have with you. I want you to be my future, Elsa. I'm putting a great deal of hope in it." Elsa swallowed hard to choke back the tears that threatened to embarrass her.

"Then I believe you, darling, as fantastic as it may be," she replied, the last of her guard slipping away. They made their way back to the table but instead of sitting down, Elsa drew close to his side. "Please take me somewhere so we can be alone, Georg. Take me somewhere and kiss me. I want you to kiss me before I wake up and find out all of this has been a dream."

**A/N: Thank you for your patience… some chapters are just so hard to get right and some never even get close. But you hit 'post chapter' and hope it works. I usually get a kind of high after I finish an update, but not this time… maybe things will seem different in the morning. Peace.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: 'The Sound of Music' and 'Random Harvest' are still not mine. My story is for entertainment purposes only. How entertaining can be open for debate, I suppose…**

Chapter Sixteen

The decision to hire a governess was easy. After all, someone needed to take care of the children when he was away. Someone had to drill them in their studies, instill routine and order and cultivate discipline while he was gone.

The children were not pleased at all about the idea. It was just something they would eventually get used to, much like the uniforms he instituted after the third governess failed. Each child was issued one, a very clear and visible reminder of what was expected. That they were itchy, unflattering and that the children hated them was unintentional but would build character. And character would build discipline... discipline would produce order. And order would ultimately produce peace.

Perhaps he underestimated the level of their discontent. And perhaps using the 'warship' analogy was a poor idea, but he merely wanted to make them understand that to maximize the benefit of discipline to their character, there had to be a chain of command. They, unfortunately, interpreted the metaphor differently. The governess was not a superior officer to be obeyed without question; she was the enemy to be destroyed without mercy.

The first governess came highly recommended with a list of references as long as his arm. She seemed capable and intelligent, but she was a screamer. All they had to do was release a jar of spiders and snakes in her room and the woman was a puddle of nerves. Every governess from that moment on was subjected to an escalating series of calamitous events. Glue in the toothpaste, shirtsleeves sewn shut at the cuffs... frogs and snakes everywhere and anywhere.

They were clever, he had to admit. And they were stubborn. Sadly for them, their father was the genetic source of their stubbornness and not about to give in either, not even an inch. He was convinced that the real problem was that the concept of discipline was lost on this new generation of governesses.

Yes, the decision to hire a governess was easy. Getting them to stay was a completely different matter, as was evident by the fact that he had to cut another trip short to deal with the aftermath of his children's outrageous behavior. Another governess leaving, and with tales of horror to tell no doubt. He was honestly surprised it had taken as long as it had. Either the children were losing their touch, or this latest governess had put up a better fight than her predecessors. He doubted it was the former, and the latter clearly didn't matter anymore.

The house is still standing at least, he thought to himself as he pulled his automobile into the driveway. The familiar stress and dull ache in his heart started to seep into his bones as he entered the villa. He spied the luggage by the door and moaned. Frau Schmidt the housekeeper quickly met him as he entered to prepare him for the situation.

"Welcome home, Captain," she said with a tired smile. "I hope your trip was pleasant."

"What was it this time? Bugs in her tea? Disappearing dentures?" He muttered as he stared up the stairs toward the nursery. "She is still here, I see. I suppose that means she wants to tell me herself. I almost prefer when they run off before I get home."

"Oh, Captain," Frau Schmidt answered shaking her head. He wasn't sure, but he thought his housekeeper was trying to hide a laugh. Whatever happened, he was sure he would not be as amused.

"So… is she tied up somewhere? Is that why it's so quiet?"

"Fraulein Kristina is in your study waiting for you," she replied, shooting a warning look as she spoke. "Brace yourself, sir. And if I may make a suggestion, when you discuss compensation, start high. Very high." He winced at her warning.

"How many does this make?"

"She's number seven."

What happened to the kind of governess he knew as a child? The women who cared for him were formidable. They demanded respect, order and control. Agathe would be appalled…

If Agathe were here, he reminded himself sadly, there would be no need for a governess.

"Please have Franz retrieve my bags and, uh…tell him to be ready to take our poor victim wherever she needs to go." Frau Schmidt nodded and departed. Once again he paused before facing whatever it was his children did to chase off another governess.

He cleared his throat as he entered the room to announce he was there. He knew from experience that the women tend to be rather skittish by the time they are ready to quit. She sat in a chair with her back to the door, wearing a ridiculous hat pulled low on her head. He saw her stiffen at his presence, but she did not turn around to look at him.

"Fraulein Kristina," he said in an even tone as he walked around his desk to face her. "I understand that there has been a… my God! Fraulein, uh… you're face!" He fell into his chair. His jaw dropped as he stared at the woman sitting across from him. Her face was blue!

"Captain Von Trapp," the woman hissed. "I was warned before I took this position that your children were a handful. I thought it was merely a reference to the fact that there are seven of them. I assure you, however, that the next governess that is foolish enough to come here will be warned with precise honesty. Your children are little beasts. They don't need a governess. What they need is a warden!"

"What my children need is discipline," the Captain replied through clenched teeth. "I understand that you're upset over this… prank, Fraulein, but this is precisely why I put great emphasis on their strict schedule and occupying their minds with academics instead of daydreaming away the time on clever tricks."

"Clever? What they did to me was not clever, Captain. It was diabolical," Fraulein Kristina shot back, her small eyes narrowing at him in disgust. "I understand that is easy to blame me for everything since I was here and you were not. However, I believe that is the real problem, Captain. You are never here."

"You were hired because I cannot always be here. Hardly a secret or a surprise, I would think." He tried not to stare too much, but it couldn't be helped. All conversation was made awkward by her incredible hue. "I'm sorry, but I have to ask… how did, uh… you come to be this shade of blue?"

"They put dye in my showerhead! I don't know how and I don't know when. I put up with a lot while you were gone, Captain. When I accepted this position I was prepared to be tested, but not humiliated. Anyway, now that you've seen it for yourself, I believe I am ready to be on my way." The Captain let out a long sigh as he reached inside his jacket for an envelope, quickly peered inside and then handed it to her.

"I've added three months salary to compensate for any damages and, uh… suffering. I do apologize that your time employed here had to end this way, Fraulein." She snatched the offering from his hand and left without a word.

He leaned his elbows on his desk and began rubbing his temples to sooth the headache that was threatening to explode behind his eyes. He knew why they did this. They don't like when he goes away. They wanted him to laugh and play and be like he was before death robbed them of the best part of what made them a family, but it was impossible.

It was impossible because the more he was with them, the lonelier he became. Naturally, he missed his wife. From the moment he woke up to the moment he closed his eyes to sleep he was bombarded with the reminder of everything she meant to him. But ever since his return from his accident, there was a different kind of nagging loneliness and it was not so easy to explain. It was aggravated by moods and gestures instead of mementoes and souvenirs… and strangely none of it seemed connected to Agathe at all. This new longing was for an unknown something… or someone… else.

Elsa was the answer to the loneliness. Her love convinced him that his life still had meaning. Her beauty and gentle goodness was a balm for his grief and frustration. He needed her like air to breathe. She had the power to make everything better for him and for his children. Well, not everything…

There was that one thing… a secret life that remained locked inside his mind. There were times when he could feel it starting to come back to him. There were sensations… intuitions. They were not real memories. Not like the painful flashbacks of his wife whenever he looked into his children's eyes or the sound of her laughter when they played. Those kinds of memories were what placed him in his current dilemma.

He stood up and started to pace around the room. He reached for the small brass key that he kept in his pocket at all times. He never looked at it or thought too much about it… he just held it. As long as he had that key, he wouldn't give up hope of solving it all.

He put the key back in his pocket and pushed all these thoughts out of his mind. He had a more pressing matter to handle. He retrieved the whistle from his desk and walked to the foot of the stairs. With a single blast, the quiet stillness was gone. Seven pairs of feet raced from every direction and fell into step as they marched down the stairs and lined up before him. He didn't bother to correct their posture or uniform. He was too weary to do anything but glare at them.

"Welcome home, Father!" Marta exclaimed merrily. If she knew they were lined up to face his wrath, it was overruled by the thrill to see him after a long absence.

"Thank you, Marta," he said evenly, looking into the others' faces. "And a wonderful welcome it has been. It started with a most enlightening conversation with your now ex-governess. What do you have to say for yourselves, hmm?" As usual, the children were united in silence. He looked each child in the eye as he paced the floor in front of them. He leaned low toward the youngest.

"Was she overbearing and cruel?" he asked Gretl. The child shook her head. He stood up and glanced down the line.

"Did she take away too many desserts?" he asked the air, stopping before Kurt. He raised his eyebrows inquisitively.

"No, Father," he answered.

"I see. Did she hit you, pinch you… call you nasty names?" He aimed the words at Louisa and Friedrich who simply cast their eyes to the ground in response. The Captain knew his children were nothing if not prone to guilt. He hated to resort to emotional tactics, but they left him no choice.

"There must be a reason," he stated with very little patience in his tone. "Liesl… I expect an answer." He stopped in front of his eldest daughter and glowered at her. Liesl stood up straight, momentary doubt and fear slowly fading from her face.

"I don't want… I mean, we don't want a governess, Father."

"You have no choice."

"We don't need a governess."

"Oh, I think you do… if you get in this much trouble with a governess, I shudder to think what would happen if you were left completely unsupervised. You will have another governess and this foolishness will stop. Do you understand?" He waited for them to answer, but instead watched as they shifted nervously on their feet, casting a sideways glance at Liesl.

"We don't need a governess, Father," Liesl repeated. "Please, if you'd just listen for a moment…"

"It was a long trip and I'm tired. As far as I'm concerned, this matter is closed," he grumbled.

"Liesl can do it," Friedrich spoke up quickly. The others, bolstered by their brother's courage, took up the argument with him.

"She helps me with my homework!"

"I like when Liesl puts me to bed. She reads me bedtime stories, Father!"

"Please, I can do it," Liesl pleaded, stepping out of line to get closer to him. "The governesses… they don't understand us. All they do is give us orders and tell us the schedule… they're not soft or gentle. That's what we want, someone who is loving and fun and…" She stopped herself but it was too late. He knew what she was going to say.

"Someone… like your mother? You are not their mother, Liesl. It is not your responsibility to try and replace her." His words were cutting and accusatory and he regretted them immediately.

Liesl backed away dejectedly. She had looked after her brothers and sisters because someone had to do it. She gave them the nurture and affection they needed, something her father neglected to give them for too long. She deserved credit for it, not spite.

"Liesl… I'm sorry," her father's tone softened. "I'm not blind to all you have done for your siblings. I know your request is well intentioned, but it is simply out of the question. You are far too young and in need of guidance just like the others." He turned to the other disheartened faces and resumed his authoritative voice. "There will be another governess. And if you run her off, there will be another. I will keep hiring governesses until we find one that understands discipline. Or doesn't scare easily."

Preferably both, he told his exhausted mind as he turned to leave. Lord, if she is out there, send her quickly.

**A/N: This is one of those non-essential essential chapters… things will pick up soon. Stick with me, folks. Oh… and it was brought to my attention that I gave this story a T rating. I have no idea why I did that. I don't think I intend to have anything happen to warrant it. So I'm changing it to something more accurate and see what happens.**


	17. Chapter 17 Spring 1937

**Disclaimer: Still don't own, still just having fun with it all… **

Chapter Seventeen

Captain Von Trapp stood on the fringe watching the display in disgust. A young man stood above a gathering crowd, shouting and gesturing about the increasingly unstable economy and the bitter plight of the poor. The Captain knew it was merely a prelude. He was playing on their fear so they were nice and raw when he preached salvation through union with Germany.

He let his eyes wander over the people that bothered to stop and listen. It troubled him that there was a growing desire among his fellow Austrians to embrace the Anschluss, to attach themselves to the rising power of Germany. Power clutched tightly in the hands of a crazy madman. That his fellow countrymen were successfully being won over by Hitler's propaganda appalled him.

"Madness!" he muttered too loud, for at that precise moment, the young Nazi had stopped speaking and was able to hear him.

"You prefer ruin?" he challenged the Captain, looking straight at him. "Union with Germany isn't merely advantageous. It's vital to our survival."

"Union with Germany?! Union implies equality, my friend. There will be nothing equal about it. Austria will cease to exist and at a cost of evil that I don't think any of us dare to fathom," the Captain barked back with just as much passion.

"You talk about an evil that _may_ be while I talk about an evil that is _now_. Our poor are starving and our nation is in shambles, Captain."

He didn't like that the young man seemed to know who he was. It shouldn't have surprised him. It was to their advantage to know as much about everyone as possible. Still, it was unsettling. He had heard enough and had no more to say so he turned to leave.

"Anschluss is good for Austria! It will happen, Captain… one glorious day!" the young man hollered after him. The Captain heaved a despairing sigh and kept walking. It was one more troubling reality that weighed heavily on his heart.

He spent the better part of that morning with his lawyers. They had summoned him to clear up a rather unpleasant consequence of his disappearance. Somehow word spread of the incident and a handful of cons and swindlers were eager to exploit him for it. Some claimed he owed them money from debts and wagers supposedly made during that lost year. His shrewd and high priced counsel was able to discredit each claim without much inconvenience to him.

The most outrageous were the women who insisted he had married them. One woman even claimed he had fathered her child. Fortunately for him, her mind was a lot weaker than her will. Her proofs were a child and birth certificate that could only fit into the timeline with massive twisting of the imagination. She was dismissed with enough threats that he was certain she or the child would never be heard from again.

To top it all off, he was in need of another governess. The twelfth governess to be exact… or what he sarcastically referred to as 'the governess between eleven and thirteen'. He gave up thinking he found the last governess around governess number nine. He was still waiting to hear from Nonnberg Abbey about his request for their help in the matter. He was unsure how fit a nun was to take charge of his children, but she couldn't do any worse than the last one. Number eleven lasted barely two hours.

Nun or not, a new governess couldn't come soon enough. He desperately needed to get away, get back to Elsa… get back to feeling something good again.

Meanwhile, two figures from the other side of the square watched as the Captain turned a corner and disappear from view.

"Do you know who that man is?"

"No, Herr Zeller," the young officer replied. "He does look familiar, though."

"That is Captain Georg Von Trapp, the highly decorated officer of the Royal Imperial Navy."

"Of course, I know him now. He is a national hero."

"Hmm… yes," Herr Zeller mused. "Once upon a time… and naturally there is a lot of interest in him. He will be offered a commission."

"It certainly doesn't seem like he will be inclined to accept it."

"No, but he will," Herr Zeller stated with little doubt. They continued in silence as they watched the crowd slowly dispersed. Zeller was pleased with the demonstration. A lone dissenter didn't concern him. The people were hungry. The people were listening.

The two men were not the only ones who noticed the Captain in the crowd. A third figure sitting on a bench nearby had also seen him.

She watched him walk away before she could call out his name.

It wouldn't have done any good, she told herself. He wouldn't have answered to it. Those men called him Von Trapp. A Captain. Her Smitty was a captain.

**A/N I know this is a rather short chapter, but for the sake of drama, I'm stopping it here. I'm all about the drama. The next chapter is going to be posted with it and it is much longer to make up for it. Hope you enjoy. Peace.**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

When Sister Margaretta finished her morning chores early, she liked to spend a few quiet moments in the church praying before lunch. In the winter months it was rare that she would find the place empty; many would use the excuse to pray to find shelter from the cold. Now that it was spring, more often than not she would pray alone and that suited her just fine. As she expected, there was no one.

She made her way down the aisle quietly, knelt and then entered a pew. As she began to make the sign of the cross, the door to the public flew open and a woman walked frantically to the front of the church. She stood and stared toward the altar for a long time and then fell to her knees. Sister Margaretta waited for the woman to get back up, but she didn't. There is something deeply troubling her, the nun thought as she struggled to get back to her prayers.

She could hear the woman half speaking, half sobbing but couldn't make out any of the words. She quietly made her way toward her to offer assistance when the woman swayed and then faltered, catching her fall with both arms on the floor. Sister Margaretta rushed to her side.

"My child," she whispered. "Are you alright? Please let me help you." The woman turned and looked feebly at her. Her face was taut and pale and wet with tears that poured down her cheeks. Her tortured eyes widened as she recognized the nun and she reached out and grabbed her by both arms.

"Sister Margaretta… please help me pray. I… I… don't know what to pray," she pleaded, half dazed by confusion. "I don't know what to do anymore." Sister Margaretta looked closer and gasped. She never would have known her if the woman hadn't called her by her name.

"Maria? Oh, my dear…"

"I didn't know where to go. This is the only place I could think of and… I need to pray." Maria hung her head and wept fully. The nun put a gentle arm around her and hushed her softly.

"Maria, your words don't matter. God already knows what is so heavy on your heart. Just talk to Him." Maria shook her head in response. The last year of her life shook her faith to its core. She tried so hard to pray but it seemed that God was so far away right when she needed to feel Him close by.

"I've tried but God doesn't listen to me," she cried. "Please help me!"

Sister Margaretta was struggling to reconcile that the trembling woman in her arms was the same young girl she knew as a postulant. The Maria she remembered was full of faith, full of joy. She was high and free spirited, gentle as a lamb and hopelessly sunny. While she agreed with the others that Maria was not, and probably never would be, ready to join the Sisters, she feared what turning her out into the world would mean for her. It appeared that she was right to worry.

"My child, you don't look well… have you eaten at all? Have you had any sleep?" Again, Maria shook her head.

"It's not that," Maria answered, looking at her hands folded tightly in her lap. "I… I just had a shock and I can't seem to stop shaking."

"It must have been quite a shock," the Sister replied. "I have never known anyone to be so upset, my dear."

"I've been searching for so long," Maria tried to explain through a new wave of tears. "And I finally found him. I heard his voice and there he was… but just as soon as I saw him, he disappeared. What if I don't find him again? What if I do?"

"Him?" Sister Margaretta tried to think. If someone is in need of food or sleep, she knew what to do, but Maria was heartsick and that was not something she was as prepared to handle. She stood up and reached down to help the distraught woman to her feet. She was so weak and thin. Sister Margaretta was starting to feel a bit frightened by the situation. Providentially, she heard someone enter the church and walk toward them.

"Sister Margaretta? Reverend Mother asked me to find you," a young postulant informed her politely.

"Thank you," Sister Margaretta answered quickly, and then turned back to Maria. She took the young woman's hand and bid her follow.

The moment Maria entered the office of the Reverend Mother, a flood of emotions threatened to undo her. The last time she was there she was convinced that day was the worst one she would ever have to endure. Yet, as bleak as her future seemed at that time, she had left with her faith relatively in tact. She would give anything for an ounce of it now.

"Come in and sit down, my child," the Reverend Mother invited warmly. "I would never have known it was you, Maria, if Sister Margaretta hadn't told me already. Where are the things I remember most about you… the bright spirit sparkling in your eyes, barely dimmed by your constant smile?" The older woman pondered the creature before her and looked at her with concern and compassion. "What happened to the Maria I used to know?" Maria brought her head down into her trembling hands.

"She became Maria Schmidt."

"Is that why you are so unhappy? I'm sorry…"

"Yes… no! It's so confusing. Reverend Mother, how can something that makes you so happy also bring grief that is so great that you are sure you can't bear it another day?"

"I'm not sure what you mean, Maria. Is your husband unkind to you?" The older woman lowered her tone. She tried to imagine what kind of man would be able to reduce Maria to such despair and it angered her. To hurt Maria would be like hurting an innocent child.

"He was never unkind. He loved me," Maria replied as tears started to well up in her eyes.

"Loved? I see… I'm very sorry, my child. Did he die recently?" Maria blinked and shook her head quickly. She wiped her eyes and left the chair to pace the floor, though it did little to calm her.

"Do you remember what you told me the last time I was in this room with you?" Maria asked, looking around the room with a bittersweet smile. "You said that when God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. My life has always been about doors closing, and when I left the abbey I thought God was so busy slamming that one shut that He forgot about the window. I was so lost and alone…"

"You were never alone, Maria," the Reverend Mother corrected softly.

"Yes," Maria agreed. "When I met Smitty… oh, he was my open window. His love made it all make sense finally. We were two lost people who found each other and I thought, 'This was God's plan all along!' I was so sure of it." Slowly the smile fell from her face and her eyes darkened.

"Tell me what happened," Reverend Mother urged her.

"What happened is that I dared to believe in it. I believed in it so much that I forgot that windows can be closed, too." There was a painful edge in her voice as she spoke. "Smitty was not well when we met, you see. He was in an accident and suffered an injury to his head. As a result, he couldn't remember who he was before then. I guess I always knew that his memory could return, but it never worried me because we were so happy. We had a beautiful life together." She had to swallow her tears to continue. "We had a beautiful son together."

The abbess noted the pain that surfaced at the mention of a child. A picture of real grief was starting to form in her mind, but she let Maria continue with her story instead of asking her more questions.

"Smitty came to Salzburg for some business about a year ago. I wanted to come with him… to come back so I could tell you how you were right about me, Reverend Mother. I wasn't meant to be a nun. I was meant to be someone's wife and someone's mother. I wanted to come back to thank you for listening to God when I so stubbornly refused to do it for myself. But I didn't because our baby was to be born soon… if only I had come with him, Reverend Mother." By then the abbess had come around closer to Maria to support her, sensing the real source of pain yet to be revealed.

"Did something happen during his trip?"

"I don't know what happened exactly, but he never returned. I contacted the police but nothing came of it. A friend came in person to search the hospitals and asylums, but he had no success. He just seemed to have vanished. Finally the police decided it was a case of wife abandonment and as regretful and pitiful as that is, it was not a matter they would pursue any further. But I knew they were wrong. He would never have left me like they said and if he wasn't dead, well… that meant he was alive somewhere. What if he was hurt? What if he didn't come home to me because he doesn't remember again?" Maria dropped back into the chair and held her head in her hands and began to weep again.

"Maria," The Reverend Mother began gently. "When you left us, I must confess that I was very worried about you. I wondered what kind of trials you would face out on your own. But you were full of faith. You had the promise that God would give you the strength to face those trials."

"Then why do I feel so forsaken?" Maria asked desperately through her tears. "I went to the church to pray, but I couldn't find the words, because… oh, Reverend Mother! Did I love him too much? Did I love God less? Is God so jealous that he would take away everything I love?"

"You mustn't think that way, Maria. We can't bless God during times of abundance and then curse him during times of tribulation. We only see the path one step at a time, but He knows where it leads. And surely He hasn't taken all of it away… even a small seed of faith is enough to move a mountain. You know this otherwise you would not be still searching. I urge you to be strong."

Maria clutched her hands to her heart, and then looked up with weary eyes, her face soaked and red from crying so much that day. She beat her breast gently as she felt her heart threaten to succumb to the anguish of it all. She shook her head at the Reverend Mother again. She didn't understand.

"Strong? I was strong because I had to give birth wondering if my child would ever know his father! I was strong when an influenza epidemic struck my dearest friend and I had to nurse him. And I was strong when that same epidemic claimed my son! It didn't matter how strong I was, Reverend Mother, because in the end I was left alone. All at once everything I loved and held dear… my husband, my friend, my baby… they were all gone! Tell me how strong I have to be because I can't…" She had to stop as her emotions flooded and caught in her throat.

The older woman remained silent. There were very rare occasions in all her years of spiritual service that left her struggling to provide any words of comfort. She disliked the feeling of being so helpless, especially when she was so fond of the one who was hurting.

"Maria," she finally spoke, her voice choked with sadness. "I can only weep with you and try to encourage you not to abandon all hope. If your husband is alive and only being kept away by a remarkable act of God, there is always hope that he'll come back to you."

"Thank you," Maria managed. Just having someone share her sorrow lightened the burden of loneliness that had gripped her heart for so long. She took a deep cleansing breath. "The thing is that I know he's alive. That's what drove me to come here… I saw him today."

"You did?! Did he see you?" Maria sadly shook her head.

"No. It was such a shock to see him and I didn't know what to do. Then he was gone. I still don't know what to do. He's not Smitty anymore. He's different."

"My dear, this can still be good news!"

"But what should I do? Go to him? Tell him that I'm his wife? He could be married for all I know." Maria had hoped finding him would happen differently, that maybe he would find her. Now she was afraid. "In fact, I don't know anything about him except his name. I heard a man call him Von Trapp." The Reverend Mother's face went pale.

"Did you say Von Trapp? Captain Von Trapp?" Maria shot a puzzled look.

"Yes, the man said he was a captain… do you know him?!"

"As a matter of fact, I do know him, Maria. He's a fine man and a brave one, and I can put your mind at ease… he is not married. His wife died several years ago." The woman kept the information about the children to herself for the time being. She had to be sure, after everything Maria told her, that she was not too fragile to know about them. Maria became very still except for an occasional gasp for breath.

"Then you can help me! Tell me what to do now, please." Maria started to show a glimmer of life. The Reverend Mother put her fingers together and brought them to her lips and worked the new development through carefully.

"My child, what you are going to do is have faith. You will take some nourishment and then get some much needed rest. Once you have done this we will decide what can be done."

"But…"

"Maria.. 'But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength'*. I'm asking for you to hold on a little longer… for your health and for God's will to be made clear. I'm sure after you take care of yourself you will feel ready to do whatever needs to be done."

"Yes, Reverend Mother." Maria had little choice but to agree.

She ate a little to be polite, but she was too anxious. She was certain rest would also be pointless, but in the quiet solitude of the dorm chamber, she realized that all those unspoken prayers for guidance were finally answered. God led her to the abbey. A strange new peace overwhelmed her as she felt the presence of God with her. She wept again, only this time it caused her to drift to sleep.

Once Maria left her, the Reverend Mother went to her desk to reread the letter from the Captain requesting help finding a governess for his children. In it he made allusions to a personal problem but no details. She wondered if it was connected to Maria's story. A plan had hatched in her mind the moment Maria said his name, but she had to be cautious.

Still, the return of Maria to the abbey and the arrival of this letter couldn't be a coincidence, she convinced herself. God's hand was at work. It was too amazing to be denied.

Emboldened by this thought, she reached for her telephone. He was expecting a response to his letter. It would enable her to collect a little more information before helping Maria take the next step. Within minutes, the Captain was on the line with her.

"Good afternoon, Reverend Mother," his voice politely greeted her.

"Good afternoon to you, Captain. I'm calling you about your letter requesting help finding a new governess for your children. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions first?" She allowed herself a little smile. Seldom did anyone dare to refuse to answer her questions and she knew it.

"Of course, anything you wish, Reverend Mother. But I think I was quite clear in my letter what my needs and expectations are in this matter."

"Yes, you did. However, there was a very vague mention of a personal situation and I was wondering if you could elaborate a little bit. I believe it is necessary if I am to know if I can assist you at all." She heard an annoyed sigh at the other end.

"Very well, but I'm not sure how. I suffered a series of head injuries that caused me to lose my memory. There seems to be one year of my life that I cannot recall. It's a very tiresome story, Reverend Mother. Are you sure you need to hear about it?"

"Please continue, Captain."

"Well, that is all it is, really. I'm perfectly fine and I am quite sure anyone you send to me will not be in any danger because it happened. Does that satisfy you?"

"Why didn't you explain any of this in your letter?" She heard another sigh, but she waited for an answer.

"To be honest, I didn't think it was relevant. Recently this information went public and I've been dealing with crooks and frauds ever since. I've been informed that during that year, I married twice and racked up quite a debt all over Austria. You can understand why I don't really mention it voluntarily."

"I do, Captain, and I'm sorry to hear how it has caused you so much trouble. I appreciate that you told me anyway."

"It's quite alright, Reverend Mother. I should have known I could trust you with the information and been more forthright. Now that you know, can you help me with my real problem?"

"I believe I can have someone at your home as soon as you want, Captain. Tomorrow, if you like." Another sigh, this time it was in relief.

"That would be acceptable. Thank you, Reverend Mother."

"You're welcome, Captain. God bless you, sir. Good bye."

She hung up the telephone and stared at the letter again. Maria had none of the qualifications he was seeking. If anything, she was the opposite of what he wanted. The potential for this to fail and fail horribly was great. Still, Maria needed a chance and she was certain this was practically dropped in her lap.

"Haven't you been telling Maria to have faith? Have some yourself!" she chided herself aloud. She folded the letter and set it aside. She would call for Maria in the morning.

_*Isaiah 40:31 (KJV)_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

What will this day be like? I wonder…

Maria walked slowly and cautiously out of the abbey gates and toward a destiny that was no more certain than a few days ago. She didn't really know what she expected to feel when she found Smitty, but she hoped to feel like her troubles were ending. Instead, it felt like they were only beginning.

When she discovered that he was a sea captain, the feeling of helplessness increased. How would she approach him? In what world would someone like her meet someone like him… a naval officer, a man with names and titles that made her head spin? She told the Reverend Mother it seemed impossible. That was when the abbess held up a piece of paper and reminded her that with God, all things are possible.

_"The Captain wrote me a letter requesting my help." Maria listened patiently, wondering what, if at all, this had to do with her situation. "He asked if I could help him find someone to be a governess."_

_ "A governess?" Maria seemed confused at first, but understanding started to dawn. "Oh, he has children?"_

_ "Seven children to be exact," was the reply. Maria felt the air in the room suddenly become thin. For all the times she wondered if Smitty had a wife, she never once considered the possibility he had children. _

When the Reverend Mother mentioned children, she tried to pretend it was not important. She bore him a son, too, so she always thought of him as a father. Yet it was important because there were seven children… evidence of that half his lifetime had been spent with another woman that he clearly loved very much.

When she told Smitty that she was going to have a baby, he was overwhelmed by happiness. She was so incredibly proud that she was able to make him feel that way. Now she knew that another woman did it before her, and not once but seven times. Seven times he wept in her arms and told her how much he loved her for being the mother of his children. She gave him seven children, she marveled. I had only one… a son who left this world almost as soon as he entered it. Maria didn't just feel inadequate. She felt like a failure.

She quickly scolded herself. She knew Smitty had a past when she fell in love with him. She always knew there was a chance he would remember it someday. He tried to push her away because he was worried that his past would only end up hurting her and cause her to resent him for it. She promised that could never happen. It was worth the risk, she told him. It was a promise she could make then because she loved him so much. She loved him with her eyes wide open.

She made her way across the Residenzplatz, stopping to look at the beautiful fountain in the middle. She reached into her pocket and then stared at the coin resting in the palm of her hand. She closed her eyes and tried to make a wish.

"I wish… I wish…," She opened her eyes and sighed. What did she wish?

_"Maria, what do you expect to happen when you see Captain von Trapp?" It was the first question the Reverend Mother posed to her when she met with her the next morning. "Perhaps a better question would be what do you wish to happen?" Maria was taken back._

_ "I want him to remember me, of course," Maria exclaimed. "I want him to remember that we are married, and…" She stopped, feeling her face start to flush. How could she tell the Reverend Mother that she wanted him to pull her into his arms and hold her close? That she wanted him to kiss her and never stop until all the pain of the last year was gone forever?_

_ "What if he doesn't remember you?" The harsh question interrupted her daydream._

_ "I'll tell him," Maria explained, her voice rising. "I'm sorry, Reverend Mother, are my answers wrong? I feel like I'm missing your point in asking me all these questions." The woman held up her hand, promising to make everything painfully clear. _

_ "Even if you tell him, my dear, it is not the same as remembering. Even if he believed you…"_

_ "Why wouldn't he believe me?"_

_ "You would not be the first woman to make such a claim to him, Maria," The Reverend Mother warned. "You would have to prove it. And let's imagine that somehow you are able to convince him that you are telling the truth. He is an honorable man, Maria. He would accept you, but…"_

_ "He would pity me, you mean. He would accept me, he would pity me, and then he would resent me." Maria rubbed her forehead, devastated by this new dose of reality. _

_ "I'm sorry to make you consider such a bleak scenario, my dear, but your incurable optimism might do you more harm than good for once."_

Maria stared at the coin in her hand. Tossing coins in fountains, crossing fingers, wishing on falling stars… tell tale habits of the incurable optimist, the Reverend Mother's very own words for her. Very few days escaped when she wasn't accused of being naïve and hopelessly wide-eyed. She was accused of it like it was a sin.

Well, what if I am, she reasoned with herself. Bad things have never had trouble finding me without me having to constantly be on the look out for them. Is it so wrong to expect things to turn out the way you want them to turn out?

The day she met Smitty, they stood before a smaller, less ornate fountain. She made a wish that day, too. She had to admit that it came true, even if only for a time. It couldn't hurt, she told herself, closing her eyes and preparing to toss the coin into the water.

"Be careful what you wish for," a voice whispered from inside her head. Maybe she wasn't so naïve anymore. With another sigh, she put the coin back in her pocket. She didn't need wishes. She needed confidence.

_"His memory of you has to come from within himself," the Reverend Mother. _

_"Is there nothing I can do?" Maria asked, her frustration beginning to overwhelm her. "If I can't tell him who I am, how will he know? How will he remember?"_

_ "If the sight of you does nothing to make him remember, words won't help either. This is simply my advice, Maria."_

_ "I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem very helpful at the moment. You're telling me to be patient and wait when I love him and need him so much right now," Maria cried, her heart breaking all over again._

_ "Hope requires patience, Maria. And you always have hope that one day he will remember and come back to you. What you can't say in words you can make up for by being the Maria he knew. Perhaps the familiarity of having you near is the key that will unlock it all. I know it seems like an incredible mountain to climb, Maria. If I was telling these things to anyone else, I would have many doubts. But I'm saying them to you. I have every confidence in you or I wouldn't send you." _

The bus dropped Maria in the middle of a tree lined street that stretched out before her. She was almost there, but she could still turn back if she wanted.

What will my future be? I wonder…

She willed her legs to move forward. She knew it was going to be difficult… calling him 'Captain' and 'sir' instead of 'Smitty' or 'darling', watching him be a father to his seven children knowing he never had a chance to look upon their son or hold him in his arms. It won't be easy, she reflected, when he looks at me with those deep blue eyes but doesn't see me… his Maria.

"If you wanted everything to be easy, you would have walked out of that tobacco shop alone," Maria argued aloud. "If you wanted everything to be easy, you would have let him go back to the hospital. If you wanted everything to be easy, you'd turn back… right now!" She stopped and looked ahead and smiled. The choice was, in fact, very easy. She loved him. And even though the terms she had to keep were immense, she wanted to be near him again.

"This is right, I know it! And when you know something is right, you have no choice but to do it!" Her steps became faster and more determined. Now was not a time for self pity! Now was a time to trust her heart. Now was a time for faith! For hope! For confidence!

She stopped in front of the address she was given. The impressive villa loomed large behind the iron gates. Suddenly she felt very small.

"Oh, help…"

With resolve, she pushed the handle on the gate and walked through. I can do this, she told herself bravely. I must do this. I want to do this… for what we had and what we may have again.

She marched toward the door and pressed the bell. She took a deep breath and let it out and waited for the door to open.

**A/N: Thanks for reading my story and the lovely reviews. I'm as eager for the next chapter to happen as anybody, so it'll come soon. Trying to honor TSOM and RH isn't getting easier, but it sure is fun and somewhat satisfying to try. Peace.**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

It's just a house, Maria told herself as she stood where the "old butler" told her to wait. Just a house. Just a huge house with a chandelier the size of a small cow. And a hall that could fit their rented cottage with room to spare. And many, many doors… and all of them were closed. She figured that had to be a good sign. Closed doors meant open windows, and she really needed God to open a window for her now.

Unconsciously she wandered to a door and opened it. She would only take a quick peek, she told herself, just to satisfy her nervous curiosity. As she ducked her head through the narrowly opened door, a small gasp escaped from her throat and echoed throughout the ballroom. Before she could stop herself, she made her way to the middle of the floor.

It was grander than any ballroom any fairy tale conjured for her as a child. As she turned slowly to take it in, she imagined a party brimming with enchantment and romance. The charming prince would approach the fair princess and ask her to dance. The princess would graciously accept with a curtsey and…

She was torn from her fantasy by the sound of the door being opened with great force. Standing in the light that poured from the hall, she suddenly forgot how to breathe. Even though he was hidden by a shadow, Maria knew who was standing in the doorway. She tried to interpret his quiet stillness as he watched her, but it was impossible without being able to see his eyes.

She scurried past him into the hall. As he turned to close the doors, she felt her heart skip a beat. He was just as handsome as she remembered, possibly more so… dressed in the finest clothes she had ever seen him wear. She smiled a little, waiting for their eyes to meet, hoping to see a small glimmer of recognition.

"In the future you will kindly remember there are certain rooms in this house which are not to be disturbed." His cold tone let her know that he only saw her as a strange newcomer in his home and nothing more.

"Yes, Captain. Sir." Despite her disappointment, she couldn't tear her eyes away from his face. She wanted to give it more than a few seconds before letting defeat take hold of her emotions. For a few moments the familiar blue eyes fixed on her, making her smile again.

"Why do you stare at me like that?" he asked.

"Well, you don't look at all like a sea captain, sir," she replied. It wouldn't do to let him see how the sound of his voice still affected her.

"I'm afraid you don't look very much like a governess," was his curt response. "Turn around, please." It was an odd command, she thought, but maybe he sees something familiar and is simply searching. She complied, spinning slowly and removing her hat. If he recognized her even a little bit, she would fly to him and tell him everything. She finished turning and met his gaze once more. There was no sign of recognition, only uncomfortable scrutiny. Her heart dropped again.

"Now, Fraulein… uh," he started, pacing the floor around her.

"It's Frau, actually… Captain," she interjected.

"Frau?"

"Yes… Schmidt."

"That's a problem," he scowled, rubbing his chin in thought.

"A problem? I don't understand."

"My housekeeper… her name is Schmidt," he quipped, adding sarcastically. "I'm not sure I will be forever amused by the confusion that will ensue." He looked at her again and gave her a strange look. "Besides, I thought the Reverend Mother was sending me a nun."

"Well, I used to be a nun. A postulant, actually. It turned out I wasn't meant to be a nun, though, so…"

"This is all very fascinating, but I'm more interested to know if you're meant to be a governess," he interrupted, closing his eyes to maintain his cool patience. "And as I wish for you to live here to perform your duties, I'm not sure it is possible if you are married."

"But I'm not… married," she lied. For the first time she couldn't bear to look him in the face. "Not anymore. I'm sorry Reverend Mother didn't explain it to you. This arrangement helps us both... at least that is her plan."

"Is that so, Fraulein? I mean… I'm sorry that I keep calling you that but you are very young."

"I don't mind, Captain. If it makes it easier," she offered. "It's Maria… my name is Maria Schmidt." She said it twice, hoping it would mean something.

"Thank you, Fraulein Maria. It will be easier, especially for the children," he nodded. He resumed pacing. "Now, I don't know how much the abbess told you. You are the twelfth governess to look after my children and I trust you will be an improvement on the last one. She stayed only two hours."

"What's wrong with the children, sir?"

"There's nothing wrong with the children… only the governesses." It wasn't entirely true. While he did attribute majority of the blame to the women he hired to care for his children, and while he would never say that there was something 'wrong with the children' per se, he knew the implication that his children were perfect angels was a stretch. Still, he didn't appreciate her brazen impertinence. Not to mention that it was the second time she interrupted. "They were completely unable to maintain discipline…without it, this house cannot be properly run. You will please remember that, Fraulein."

"Yes, sir." Up to this point, the simple sound of his voice soothed her enough to stand in his presence without falling apart. But that feeling was starting to drown in the tone and words he was using.

"Every morning you will drill the children in their studies," he continued. "Each afternoon they will march about the grounds, breathing deeply. Bedtime is to be strictly observed, no exceptions."

"Excuse me, sir, when do they play?" Another interruption, he noted. He chose to ignore it this time.

"You will see to it that they conduct themselves at all time with the utmost orderliness. I'm placing you in command."

Discipline. Drill. March. Orderliness… command. Maria thought they were wretched words to use with children and struggled to believe her Smitty would ever use them. A sea captain would use them, though, and the reality that she was dealing with a different personality hit hard. Still, he probably chose them out of professional habit, not meaning them in the strictest sense. They were his children, after all. Sooner or later he would get around to talking about the nurture and affection seven motherless children need more than anything else.

She waited but he seemed to be done talking. She could feel something wasn't right. While she had hoped with all her heart that he would remember her, she was fully prepared for that not to be the case. Part of that preparation was trying to figure out how her heart would survive being around him without melting at the sound of his gentle voice or the sight of his pleasing smile.

If he didn't remember her, she told herself that she would find what little comfort she could just by being near him. Smitty or Captain, he would still be her refuge. But the Captain was distant and Smitty was nowhere to be found. She felt her confidence slipping away.

Suddenly a shrill sound pierced the air, causing her to jaw to drop. Was that a whistle? She was about to ask for an explanation when a thunderous rumble from somewhere above caused her to jump and scramble to his side. She fixed her eyes on the movement at the top of the stairs. The children!

Her heart started to beat faster. For a moment she had forgotten that she would be meeting them, too. She wasn't sure she was ready, but it was too late. She watched them march closer… marching! They were really, truly marching! And in uniforms, no less!

She counted six children as they descended and formed a company line in front of their father. The seventh child, a girl, appeared casually from another part of the house, her face hidden by a book. Maria watch as the Captain took it away and Maria had to force herself to breathe again. The young girl was beautiful. They were all beautiful. She let her eyes rest on each child for a brief moment. Each one looked like him in their own unique way.

"Now… this is your new governess, Fraulein Maria."

And just like him, none of them were smiling. Just like him, they regarded her with cool disdain.

This was not right. This was not how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to fight the urge to take back the happiness that once belonged to her. Now she was fighting the desire to run away and let her heart finish breaking into a million pieces. There was no happiness to be found in this home.

"As I sound your signals you will step forward and give your name," the Captain ordered. He turned to her and instructed her to pay attention. At least that is what she thought he said. Her mind was still trying to recover.

They each stepped forward and stated their names: Liesl… Friedrich… Louisa… Kurt… Brigitta… Marta… and the youngest who failed to follow instructions twice.

"And Gretl," he mumbled. Maria heard him, but couldn't respond with anything but a nod. Her eyes were fixed on one child… a boy. His hair was golden and his face was sweetly cherubic. She knew his face before she ever met him. She had seen it before… in her very own arms. She looked away, forcing back the tears that threatened to fall. She might have suspected they would look like her Smitty, but she never anticipated one would remind her so much of her own son.

She was pulled back by the flash of something shiny being waved in her direction. It was the whistle. What on earth did he expect her to do with it?

"Let's see how well you listened," the Captain urged.

"Oh, I… I won't have to whistle for them, Reverend Captain, er, I mean… I'll use their names. And such lovely names." Lovely names, lovely children. His children.

"Fraulein, this is a large house, the grounds are very extensive, and I will not have anyone shouting. You will take this, please… learn how to use it. The children will help you." Maria relented and took the whistle. Could it get worse?

"Now, when I want you, this is what you'll hear," the Captain explained before shattering her ears with another blast from the wretched whistle. Yes, it could get worse.

"Oh, no sir! I'm sorry, sir! I could never answer to a whistle! Whistles are for dogs and for cats, not for children and definitely not for me… it would be too humiliating!"

"Fraulein, I'm starting to understand why you never became a nun."

"You don't even know the half of it, sir."

"Hmmm," he said with a wry smirk. Maria watched him start to walk away. She wasn't ready to let him disappear. Not when things were all so wrong. She quickly blew the whistle, causing him to freeze mid step. He turned and looked at her in disbelief.

"I don't know your signal."

"You may call me 'Captain'." She watched him walk away until he was gone. Maria heaved a small sigh. He didn't know her, nor did he give her any indication that he wanted to know her.

She turned and faced the children, the other reason she was there. They were still standing at attention and still eying her with caution.

"I have to tell you a secret. I've never been a governess. I'll need lots of advice."

I have many secrets, she told them in her mind. I, too, know how it feels to lose someone dear to you, to miss the strength and security of their love and to wonder if you will ever know happiness again.

And that man that just walked away from all of us without a second glance? I love him. I will always love him. And because you are his children… because you are a part of him, I love you, too. I didn't know it before, but I do.

And this discovery soothed her heart from the disappointments of her first day in the Von Trapp home.

**A/N: I just want to say that in 'Random Harvest', it took 20+ years for these characters to be reunited. I will not do that to you. But your patience is appreciated… and your reviews, too. Thanks. **


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: not mine, don't own, all for fun**

Chapter Twenty One

He dreamed he was in a large house with many rooms. There was music playing gaily from somewhere and he was roaming through the halls trying to find it. Each door he opened only led to empty rooms. The sound of each step he took echoed off bare walls. He caught glimpses of someone when he would turn around, someone who dodged out of his vision, laughing at him, not in a cruel way but playfully. There are so many doors, he thought to himself in the dream, if she would only stop and wait for me…

Slowly the music disappeared and the laughing turned to singing. The words were muffled and impossible to understand but the sound was mesmerizingly beautiful. He started to run after it but a dense wall of fog started to close in from every direction. He stumbled to the ground, confused to discover that he was no longer wandering in an empty house. He could feel the grassy ground beneath him.

She stopped singing and called to him, her voice bouncing off the mountainside. His sense of urgency grew, but he was frozen in place… there was too much fog and he was too afraid to take a single step in any direction. Yet he needed to find her…

"Wait!" Georg's eyes flew open and he sat up straight. He looked around and remembered he had sat down in his room to do some reading when the warmth of the fire and the effects of an empty scotch bottle caused him to drift to sleep. He rubbed his eyes and let out a low moan.

He used to have the dream every night right after Agathe passed away, but it had been so long since the last time that it unsettled him. It also unsettled him how the details seemed to have changed, more specifically… the singing. He was deeply disturbed that he didn't seem to recognize the voice as Agathe's voice. In fact he didn't recognize it at all. Still, one thing was hauntingly the same; he could never get to her before he woke up.

There is no point in making it more than it is, he thought as he stood up and stretched. A lot had happened since the last time he had that dream and could easily account for the changes. He knew he would go mad if he tried to make it mean anything. But that voice… the singing… it was like he could still hear it, even awake. He quickly straightened up and became alert.

He _could_ hear it! He turned toward his door and strained his ears to hear. Somewhere in his house someone was singing. He pulled his watch out of his pocket and noted the time. It was well past bedtime. The audacity of that woman! Did nothing he tell her get through? He straightened his jacket and tie before opening his door to put a stop to it all.

He marched slowly but steadily toward the singing, the dark hall occasionally lit by a flash of lightening. He appreciated the storm raging outside. It matched the one raging in himself. If the combination didn't help governess number twelve to understand nature of her infraction, he feared nothing would.

He was glad to see that the door to her room was already wide open, all the better to catch her in the act of defiance. It also enabled him to hear something else that shocked him; there was laughter mixing with the singing. It was becoming obvious that despite Fraulein Maria's experience as a nun, she held very little sacred.

He stood quietly in the doorway and observed the melee. A few of his children were jumping happily on the bed while the others twirled and whirled recklessly about the room. He could not even begin to guess what had prompted such a display. No governess had managed to win his children's approval so quickly… or ever, for that matter. Then again, no governess had dared to defy his instructions so blatantly before she came along either.

"When the dog b-bi-bites… oh!" Maria whipped herself around quickly, nearly colliding into him. He found himself wondering how old she was. Until she nearly slammed into him, she blended in with the flock of children flying about the room so well he thought she was one of them. He glared at her, inwardly glad that she at least had the sense to look guilty and embarrassed.

Everything came to a silent halt. Quickly, and without a single word to each other, the children sped into their orderly line and stood at stiff attention. Their serious stares did little to hide their fear of the wrath to come. Maria watched with dismay, her shoulders slumping in frustration. She turned back toward the Captain.

"Fraulein, did I not tell you that bedtime is to be strictly observed in this house?" His voice dripped with the dare to deny it.

"Well, the children were upset by the storm, so I thought that if I…" she stopped and sighed. "You did, sir." She was simply infuriating. She managed to both answer the question and give an excuse. Moreover, she didn't seem to have an ounce of fear of him.

"And do you or do you not have difficulty remembering such simple instructions?" he tried again.

"Only during thunderstorms, sir." She gave him a triumphant look. He wasn't amused, but the children were. Kurt stifled a laugh, earning a disapproving scowl from his father and a few nudges from his sister. For a brief second the Captain considered that this was a clever move by his children to get the new governess in trouble, but something was different. They were on her side.

"Liesl," he barked, trying to regain the upper hand.

"Yes, Father?"

"I don't recall seeing you anywhere after dinner," he challenged. He watched his daughter's eyes dart to Maria for help.

"Oh, really? Well, as a matter of fact…"

"Yes?"

"Well, I… I was, I was…"

"Uh, what she means to say, Captain, is that uh, she and I have been getting better acquainted tonight," Maria interrupted, jumping a step between him and the children. "But it's much too late to go into all that. Come along, children. You heard your father. Go back to bed immediately." He wondered if she was mocking him by trying to reprimand them. They quickly made a run for it, Liesl stopping to give her a grateful smile before following the others out the door. The Captain watched them go. He turned to finish the confrontation with the governess.

"Fraulein, have you managed to remember that I'm leaving in the morning?" he asked evenly. She nodded, her eyes focused but slightly bewildered. "Is it possible that you remember that the first rule in this house is discipline?" Again, Maria nodded. "Then I trust that before I return you will have acquired some?" Finally he was satisfied, hoping he was witnessing her learn her place. As he turned to leave, he noticed that she still looked at him queerly, her gaze darting between his face and his hands.

He looked down and realized he had been twirling the mystery key between his fingers the entire time he confronted her. She looked as though she wanted to ask about it but he wasn't in the mood to explain anything more to her. He had given her enough to ponder. He quickly dropped the key into his jacket pocket and headed back out the bedroom door.

"Captain? Uh, I wonder if, before you go, I could talk to you about some clothes for the children…" He rolled his eyes. He had nearly escaped but she was unstoppable.

"Fraulein Maria…" he moaned impatiently.

"… For when they play. If I could just have some material…" she spoke faster and louder over his protestations.

"You are obviously many things, not the least of which is repetitious."

"But they're children!"

"Yes. And I am their father. Good night." He spun on his heals quickly and departed back down the hall, determined to have the last word.

When he reached his bedroom, he closed the door and stared at the suitcases already packed and ready for his early departure for Vienna. He had practically forgotten all about his plans until Elsa's telegram arrived at dinner. She agreed to return to Salzburg at the end of the trip. Just those few words meant she was finally considering his proposal. The one bright moment of this long and tiring day.

It started with the arrival of the new governess and slowly disintegrated from there. She had something to say about everything. While he tried to impress the importance of his rules, she just stared at him with a smile, as if she couldn't possibly take anything he said seriously and had very little fear for her job security.

Dinner was a veritable nightmare. She kept them waiting for a start. She went on about thanking the Lord for the meal, about gifts in her pocket, about feeling welcome and wanted… making the children burst into tears, all the while acting as though the entire scene was normal and fine. He half wished the children had chosen a bigger pine cone for her chair!

This last interlude was just as bad… no, it was worse. It was a bold disregard for everything he told her he expected. Exactly where does jumping on the bed and singing on the top of your lungs fall under the definition of decorum, he would like to know. Protecting the children at dinner was one thing, admirable even. But her cover for Liesl a few minutes ago was entirely inappropriate. He knew exactly where his daughter had vanished off to and he would have expected a higher sense of propriety from a nun than even a girl's own father, but she looked him in the face and lied anyway.

He suddenly remembered; she was not a nun. And she was once married. Now she was a governess. If he didn't have his own mysterious past to contend with, he might be inclined to find her a rather fascinating case. As it stood, he was willing to give her one more chance because nothing was going to stop him from going to see Elsa in the morning. Nothing. More than ever, he needed to see her… to be with her and convince her to marry him.

Before getting into bed, Georg opened the top drawer of his dresser and pulled out a small a velvet box and transferred it to a pocket of the small valise sitting by the door. He wanted to be ready if she said yes. He was tired of this feeling of limbo, of not moving forward. He was ready for his life to start again and it wouldn't until she agreed to marry him.

Down the hall, in the quiet darkness of her new room, Maria lay awake. She wondered what he was doing at that moment. When she married him, she was surprised to discover how easy and natural it was for her to share a bed with him. She slept better knowing he was there. She hoped being under the same roof could provide some of the peace she knew when he slept right beside her.

She knew she didn't give a good impression at all that day, but she couldn't help herself. And it wasn't entirely her fault. She didn't put that frog in her pocket or that pinecone on her chair. She could hardly be held responsible for their behavior on the very first day!

Not that she blamed them either. If she had to wear a uniform and march all day, she would be inclined to rebel, too. She still remembered what it was like to be a child starved for attention and even the smallest gesture of affection. If she searched her memory long enough, she knew she would be able to come up with a few pranks she pulled that would make a pinecone on a chair seem like a picnic in the park.

No, she may not have won her any favor with her Captain, but she would not be sorry about comforting them during the storm, or for keeping Liesl's secret. She knew he was a smart man deep down. Sure, he was angry now but he'd calm down and understand. He might even thank her. What is that saying? You have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet? She was going to crack as many eggs as she needed to help this family be happy. Perhaps it was selfish, and God forgive her if it was, but there was too much of her own future happiness at stake to do otherwise.

Maria turned over in her bed, still restless. It was a shock to see him holding that key, like seeing the past collide with the present. But unlike the shock that brought her to her knees at the abbey chapel floor, this shock gave her hope.

The moment she saw him holding that key, she was able to stop seeing the angry Captain and see her Smitty. She saw the man she loved clinging to a part of his life with her. And it gave her hope because it showed that he wanted to remember. She almost asked about it, but he put it away the moment he realized she saw it. He wants to remember, she thought, but he's also afraid.

"Oh, Smitty," she whispered into the night. "Don't be afraid. You are loved."

**A/N: Another chapter done. Considering I'm writing on a laptop with a renegade touch pad that sends the cursor all over the place while I'm typing, I'm amazed it happened at all. A couple words of thanks… to a certain Canadian coffee shop chain for their yummy coffee and free wifi and not kicking me out for all the time I spend there. And for my new SOM fanfic friends that have helped with their brilliant insights… if you are a SOM fanfic writer and want to join a super group of people eager to talk ideas and help with input, PM me and I'll direct you. **


	22. Chapter 22 Summer 1937

Chapter 22

Until she came to live with the Von Trapp family, Maria didn't realize how deep and wide her loneliness had become. It was true that a day didn't go by when she didn't think about the painful hole in her heart for the man she loved so much. Yet the time she spent getting to know the children revealed a different kind of loneliness.

Maria would never regret everything she had to do to find Smitty, but it came with a cost. After Smitty disappeared, she spent the year in personal exile. She abandoned her music students, a source of great satisfaction and pride. She neglected the few friends she had… the dear ones who once made her laugh and feel happy to be alive. The loss of her beloved family nearly killed her and at the time, loneliness seemed a better companion than going through that kind of pain with anyone else again.

But she was not created to be a lonely being. Laughter and music fed her soul. It is why she spent her entire life searching for a place to belong, to love and be loved. The seven Von Trapp children reawakened this need in her. It was just one more reason she knew she'd love them forever.

She was also not created to be indoors when the sun was shining and the mountains beckoning. So, having kept to the Captain's strict schedule to the best of her ability for longer than she thought possible, she decided to reward herself and the children with a day out. Having dressed them in their new play clothes (the old drapes that hung in her room provided a solution to a problem the Captain staunchly refused to even acknowledge) and with guitar in hand, Maria led them up to the grassy mountainside she knew well since she was a girl.

It was like meeting an old friend. Instantly her heart felt better. The hills sang soothing songs to her, letting her remember only the happy times spent there. The magic worked on the children, too, because as soon as they reached their destination, they became the children they were supposed to be. They took it all in as if they had never seen trees or flowers or breathed fresh air before in their lives.

Maria enjoyed letting them explore, to stretch out and not worry about orderliness and rules. They did this for a long while but eventually each one slowly gravitated back to her side. The children ran and played and experienced everything with thrilling wonder, but what they seemed to appreciate most was the attention she was always ready to serve to each of them, to admire a flower they picked or look at a crawling creature they discovered. By the time they gathered for the picnic, Maria lost track of the number of hugs and smiles she received from each of them.

"Fraulein Maria? Can we do this every day?" Louisa asked, her whole being radiating happy contentment.

"Don't you think you'd soon get tired of it, Louisa?"

"I suppose so… Every other day?" Maria laughed at the girl.

"I'm glad you like it here, too," Maria said, turning her face toward the sunshine and letting the soft breeze blow through her hair. "This is my happy place. I used to like to come here whenever I felt sad or lonely. Of course, I don't always need a reason. I just know that whenever I come to my mountain, I'll leave feeling happy."

"This is going to be my happy place, too, Fraulein Maria," Gretl said excitedly, then after a moment of hesitation added, "Is that alright?"

"Of course," Maria laughed. "It's not really my mountain. I'd be glad to share it with you."

"Maybe we should bring Father here," Marta said thoughtfully. "Then he can feel better and stop being so lonely and cross."

"He already has a happy place," Louisa answered sarcastically. "Vienna."

"Sometimes I think his happy place is anywhere but home," Kurt agreed.

"Your father goes away a lot, doesn't he?" The children nodded. "Does he always go away for this long?"

"A couple weeks, usually. Sometimes a month," Liesl explained.

"Once he was gone for over a year," Kurt added with displeasure at the recollection of it. Maria swallowed hard. She wondered if she should pursue it at all. It probably wasn't the governess' place to discuss such things with the children, but she couldn't help it.

"Really? My…," was all she could say.

"Kurt, be fair," Liesl half scolded her brother. "He didn't mean to be gone that long and besides… that was over two years ago." She gave a sad look to Maria. "Father had an accident, you see."

"An accident? Um, what kind of accident?" It was a natural question to ask, but she could feel her pulse quicken and hoped that they wouldn't find her inquisitiveness to be prying.

"We aren't sure, exactly. He was hit on the head," Brigitta replied. "But he's fine now. He just can't remember anything."

"How dreadful," Maria said sadly, hoping it sounded appropriate, not like the aching disappointment that it was. "Even after all this time?"

"No, nothing," Brigitta shook her head. "Well, he has a little brass key, but he doesn't know what kind of key it is. That is the only clue."

"I know what it is," Marta announced proudly.

"You do?" Maria asked surprised.

"Yes," she nodded dreamily. "It's a key to a castle where he was held as a prisoner by an evil queen until he bravely escaped and came home to us!" She beamed as her siblings laughed at her dramatics, all except Liesl who gave her a sharp look.

"You have a very good imagination," Maria forced a smile, telling herself that was all it was... imagination. She wondered if there was an element of truth to the little girl's story… that the children blamed someone for keeping their father away for so long. They love him too much to blame him, she thought. Which meant they blamed her, even if they didn't know it. Her heart became heavy as she looked at their faces. "You must have missed him very much."

She almost told them that she was sorry it happened, but she was sure it wasn't the truth. On the one hand, she knew what it felt like to wonder for a whole year if he was alive or dead or if she would ever see him again. She loathed to think that these children that she had come to love as her own in such a short time suffered the same hellish ordeal. Yet, the thought that it could have all been spared had she never met him, never loved him… no, she couldn't do it. She couldn't imagine her life without him. She was sorry that they were hurt, but she would never be sorry it happened.

"We always miss him," Friedrich said as a matter of fact.

"Even when he's home, we miss him," Louisa added. "Sometimes it seems like he isn't really there."

"The accident changed him a lot, did it?" The children gave each other knowing looks.

"Oh, no… he's always been like this," Louisa volunteered to answer Maria with the harsh truth. The others nodded their agreement. Maria couldn't believe it, though. It was true that her few interactions with their father were less than pleasant and he certainly demonstrated himself to be like they said, but she knew he was capable of being warm and loving.

"He has been very lonely since our mother's death. He loved her very much," Liesl interjected, as if she could read her governess' mind. "It's just that it hurts him to be around us. We remind him too much of her."

Maria was glad to discover that hearing about the Captain's love for his wife was not the threat she once believed it could be. Half a lifetime and seven children were testament to much devotion and love. She thought maybe she was even thankful to this woman she never met. Her love made him the man she fell in love with and produced these children she treasured.

"I'm very sad to hear that, but it does help me understand things a little better." Not only did she understand better, but she had confirmation that what she had planned next was right. She stood up, brushed the ground off her hands. "Alright, everyone… over here!" She called the children to gather as she took up her guitar.

"What are we going to do?"

"Let's think of something to sing for the baroness."

"Father doesn't like us to sing."

"Well, perhaps we can change his mind," Maria answered, refusing to be talked out of her idea. Music had once performed a miracle with the Captain and she was putting a good deal of hope in it happening again. She would never forget the evening she watched him as Herr Weiss played a well-known concerto. He seemed to be in a trance except for the way he trembled a bit.

At first, she was concerned. She knew he was often nervous and prone to headaches because of his injury, but she had never seen him like that. The way he stared at the piano keys made her relieved when it was over, only it wasn't over. He moved to the piano and started to touch the keys. He touched them slowly and gently at first, but soon he was playing the music they just heard. That day changed everything for them. Music freed him from his fears. From that moment, music helped him to speak, to feel, to breathe. He dared to dream of a future. He dared to love.

She needed it to happen again. She could sense that he wanted to remember, but just like before, he was afraid. For this reason, she came up with what she simply called The Plan: she would do whatever she could to bring music back into the Von Trapp home.

Maria had to start at the very beginning because the children didn't know a single song, but she had the time and an eager group of students. She was thrilled to discover that their talent exceeded their willingness to learn and they practiced everywhere they went.

At first she told herself that if her plan didn't work, she was giving music back to the children and would be content if that was all she accomplished. Soon, however, she realized that her plan carried a huge risk.

One evening, after she tucked her youngest charges into their beds, Maria made her way to Liesl's room to bid her goodnight. She found the girl staring pensively out her window, hardly acknowledging the governess' gentle intrusion.

"Liesl? Is everything alright?" Maria approached her slowly, relieved when Liesl turned and offered her a smile. "I'd love to know what you are thinking about. It wouldn't be about a certain telegram delivery boy, would it?"

"I was thinking about you," she answered with a bashful laugh. "It has been so much fun having you here. It's been so different… better, I mean."

"I'm glad," Maria smiled. "I confess it has been fun for me, too. It hardly seems like a job."

"And you don't seem like a governess." Maria gave a short laugh, remembering how the Captain uttered those words when they first met.

"If I recall, you made it very clear you don't need a governess," Maria teased.

"Oh, I hoped you wouldn't remember that," Liesl moaned, flopping down on her bed. "I want you to know I didn't mean anything personal. I've been taking care of my siblings since I was twelve and I was put out. Suddenly Father decided to hire women to take care of us who only cared about making him happy by following his strict rules. They never cared about making us happy."

"From what I hear, you didn't make it very easy for them to even try." Maria sat down next to her. Her tone was understanding, not judgmental.

"No, we didn't. I know it was wrong, but we just wanted to get Father's attention."

"I see. I suppose any attention is better than no attention, is that it?" Liesl nodded. "Well, now we'll get his attention when you sing for the baroness." Maria watched the girl's face drop.

"That's another thing I've been thinking about," she confided. "I'm nervous about singing."

"You shouldn't be! You have a beautiful voice, Liesl, and all of you have been practicing very hard. I just know you'll do a fine job."

"Thank you, but… that isn't what I mean. Father really doesn't like us to sing. I'm nervous that it will make him angry. Anything we do that reminds him of our mother upsets him." Maria wished she could tell share her plan and put Liesl's mind at ease. Instead she reached out and put her arm around her and gave her a gentle hug.

"I think," she explained slowly. "That when your Father hears you sing, he will be happy. I think it will remind him of the good times you all shared with her. Didn't he once love music? Surely someone who can play the piano as beautifully as he can…"

"How did you know Father could play the piano?" Liesl asked with surprise.

"What? Oh, uh… well, um, I guess I just assumed because… uh, there's a piano in the ballroom," Maria managed to say, her heart racing. What a stupid mistake, she scolded herself.

"Oh, he can play so beautifully," Liesl said sadly, seemingly satisfied with Maria's explanation. She bit her lip, hesitant to continue. "Father wasn't always like he is now. He used to play with us all the time, was warm and kind. He still took trips, but when he came back he always had little presents for us and would tell us stories. I didn't mind when he went away because it just made the time he was home sweeter." Maria watched as her head dropped and her face grew serious. "I hoped that when he returned after his accident that he would be like that again. I thought that maybe time would have healed his broken heart…"

"But it didn't," Maria finished. Liesl shook her head sadly.

"I've never talked about this because I had to be strong for the others, but… when he disappeared, I was so afraid that something bad happened to him." Her voice was heavy with emotion. "Marta told you she thinks an evil queen kept him away, but I would actually pray that wherever he was, someone kind was taking care of him for us. I prayed that wherever he was, he was happy again."

"Did you really?" Maria whispered, fearing her full voice would break. "You, my sweet girl, have an incredible heart."

"No," Liesl cried. "No, I don't! Now I wish he never came back at all! Oh Fraulein… he came back and he tried, really he did. But somehow he seems lonelier and sadder. I'm almost sure he found a very beautiful life with someone who made him very happy. She is what haunts him now, just as much as the memory of my mother. Maybe even more because at least he can remember my mother." She fell into Maria's arms and wept. "I don't have a good heart. I keep thinking that if he never came back, we would all be happier than we are now."

"Oh, darling, please don't cry," Maria hushed her. "Your thoughts come from great love for him and from carrying so much pain for your brothers and sisters. Maybe, if you keep praying, someday everything will be like it once was. Maybe even someday soon. You always have hope, Liesl." Maria lifted Liesl out of her arms, brushed her hair out of her face and gave her a warm smile.

"When you sing for the baroness, your father may become angry. But he'll be angry with me and I don't scare easily. If that happens, we're no worse off than before. However, if you sing for the baroness and he likes it, everything will change. I think it is worth giving it a try, don't you?" Liesl thought for a moment, and slowly nodded.

Maria gave the girl a warm smile. The plan had to work. She needed her Smitty back and the children needed their father. She wouldn't even consider the consequences if it failed. It simply wasn't an option. She stood up and bid Liesl goodnight.

"Now, try and get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a big day. When I said goodnight to the boys, I promised to teach everyone how to climb a tree if they would show me how to row a boat!"

**A/N: Thank you for your patience. This chapter took a bit longer than expected to write, but here it is. Will The Plan work? Well, duh, we've seen the movie, we know what happens… that's no spoiler. But will he remember? Ah… stay tuned, my beloved readers. And review. Please. Peace. **


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty Three

Seven children followed their governess along the villa property like little ducks. When Maria turned to make sure the little ones were keeping up, she had to laugh. She wondered if they realized they were marching and breathing deeply. It can't hurt, she thought with a smile and found herself joining them.

They finally came to a row of trees and stopped. Maria had noticed the trees walking down the lane to the villa on her first day and thought that they were perfect for climbing.

"Here we are!" Maria turned and saw all faces looking quite skeptical.

"These trees are awfully… tall," Brigitta muttered nervously.

"What's the point in climbing a tree if you aren't going to be high up? The view is the best part!" Maria reached out and tugged her braid playfully. Brigitta gave a weak smile. This was not her idea of fun, but she hated to be left out of anything. Maria had the children pair up, one of the older children with the young ones, taking Gretl under her own wing for the task at hand.

"Now, pick a tree… find one with good branches and lots of knots," she instructed. They immediately started inspecting the trees until they all picked one.

"What's next, Fraulein?" Friedrich asked as he shook a low branch to test its strength. "Fraulein Maria? Where did she go?" The children all turned in circles looking for their governess, but she vanished into thin air. They looked to their youngest sister who stood all alone, trying hard to smother a laugh.

"Up here!" Maria sat quite pleased on a thick branch smiling down on them.

"How did you climb that tree so quickly? I didn't even see you do it," Louisa hollered up, visibly impressed. Even the boys, who had voiced disbelief that a governess could even climb a tree, had to agree that it was indeed amazing.

"It is quite simple, really. If I can teach you how to climb a tree as well as I taught you how to sing, you'll be going up and down like spiders," Maria answered, making her way to the ground just as quickly. "But for now, take your time. Help each other. Gretl, darling, come by me so I can help you."

The children watched as Maria demonstrated her perfected technique.

"Your hands and feet are important," she explained as she scaled up the tree once again. "But so are your eyes. Look for places to grab. See? It's easy." She let herself drop to the ground. Kurt was the first to give it a try. Within seconds he reached the first branch.

"Bravo, Kurt! See, it isn't difficult at all." Maria looked at Gretl who was eager to give it her best effort. With a slight boost and careful determination, the five year old pulled herself up to the first branch. Before her governess could even catch up, she was making her way up higher. "Not too high for you, Gretl! Remember, we still have to get you down in one piece!" Maria perched on a branch so she could watch the others as they attempted their ascents.

"I can see our house from here!" Kurt hollered from somewhere above. "Fraulein Schmidt is hanging out the wash!" Everyone strained to see for themselves, all except Brigitta who was struggling to work up the nerve to climb the tree. Friedrich shouted words of encouragement from above, swinging upside down from his legs to lend a hand. After a couple squeals of fright, Brigitta made it.

Maria laughed as the children dared each other to climb higher. She urged Marta and Gretl to just watch from their lower view. It wouldn't do to have any broken limbs right before the Captain returned. She would certainly have to answer for it.

Not that she would keep this particular excursion, or any excursion for that matter, a secret if asked. She was proud of the fact that the children were happy and she couldn't imagine that in the wide and eternal scheme of life, their father would hold it against her for making them so. She delighted in the sound of their laughter; she watched the boys hang from their knees and Louisa disappear overhead with the determined look to best her brothers. Maria expected no less from a girl who could climb the side of a house with a whole jar of spiders in her hand.

Between the children's enchantment with their bird's eye view of the world and Maria's vigilant watch to make sure everyone was safe, no one saw the car that sped by them. If they had, they might have noticed the driver. They might have noticed the passengers.

Maria slowly and carefully made her descent, choosing a way down that Gretl could easily and safely follow.

"If we want to get some rowing in before lunch, I suggest we do it now," she called into the trees. She watched as six sets of feet appeared, followed by six flushed but euphoric faces. They returned to the villa the way they came, pointing at trees they hoped to climb another day. The group finally stopped at a small boathouse.

"Are you sure we can all fit in that thing?" Maria eyed the row boat with uncertainty. The best answer she received was a shrug and she was only mildly comforted. "Well, ok. I guess there is really only one way to find out." She smiled as the boys got in first and gallantly aided their sisters into the boat. They both eagerly put out a hand to help her, much to her amusement and delight. She was continually noticing how much like their father they were. She could tell that beneath his dazed and fragile appearance, Smitty was a gentleman. It was what prompted her to help him. She stood in the boat and watched the children settle tightly inside the craft.

"Fraulein, you must sit down or we'll all end up in the lake," Friedrich urged her. She found a spot and did as she was told. In minutes the boat was gliding peacefully through the water. She leaned over the side to let her hand trail along, but quickly realized it was a bad idea. "Fraulein, please! You mustn't lean over!"

"I'm sorry," she answered bashfully. "But the water looks like glass and I had to touch it."

"You'll touch it alright," Kurt laughed. They continued along, staying as close to the lake edge as they could. Maria wouldn't let her mind leave the moment. She didn't want the cares of her life to intrude upon their happiness. Everything was perfect. She knew she was where she was supposed to be, and almost instantly she found herself singing. There was a time when she couldn't stop singing wherever she was. It felt good in her heart to have that feeling of gratitude and contentment back.

It wasn't long before the children joined her. Maria was sure they could be heard clear across the lake, and she thought maybe she should stop them. Word could get back to the Captain and it would put a definite crimp in The Plan. Then she remembered the looks she would get from Sister Berthe when caught singing in the abbey and decided to let them sing as loud as they wanted.

"Look! Father's home!" All the children at once began shouting and Maria turned to see the Captain by the iron gate, watching them with his hand on his hip. Despite the look of disapproval fixed on his face, the sight of him standing there took her breath away. She never noticed the children on the other end of the boat standing up to greet him. She wasn't even aware of her own foolish reaction.

"Oh, Captain! You're home!" In a flash she lost sight of him. All she saw was blue sky and then the gushing swirl of the lake as she fell backward out of the boat. This can't be happening, she thought as she found her footing and came to the surface. Maria, you clumsy, silly… wait! The children! Maria quickly counted seven wet heads and sighed with relief once she was able to determine that the screams were of laughter.

"Get out of that water at once!" Maria flinched as she heard the angry order from the shore.

She watched the children make their way to the steps and then dared to let her eyes continue up to the landing. As she expected, the Captain was beyond furious, but now there was a woman by his side. Both were staring at her, and before she could stop herself, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Oh! You must be Baroness Schraeder!" She groaned inwardly. Who else would it be? The Baroness tried not to laugh at her, but Maria couldn't honestly blame her for doing so. The entire scene was quite ridiculous. She grabbed the boat rope and hauled it to the edge of the lake with her. She would try to explain and she would take full responsibility, but she had a feeling it wouldn't be enough. He would expect her to admit she was wrong to take the children out in a boat and she knew herself too well to know how that would turn out.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sound she had hoped she would never hear again. Within seconds of hearing the dreaded whistle, the children stopped laughing and fell into line. It pained her to watch all the joy drain from their faces so quickly. She had managed things quite nicely without using the whistle once, and he resorted to it almost instantly.

Maria pulled herself out of the water and stood dripping and shivering, silently swallowing her anger. She pitied the children as he walked by each of them, towering over them with his imposing stature. Everything they had done together over the last couple weeks, everything they learned and shared slipped away before her very eyes. Memory or no memory, it wasn't right.

"This is Baroness Schraeder," he said, starting the official introduction. "And these… are my children." The children stared straight ahead, trembling. There was no missing the note of disappointment and disgust in his voice.

"How do you do?" Maria was thankful that the baroness used a pleasant tone. She hoped it eased their fears, at least enough to sing for her. That is, if this horrific episode didn't ruin everything already.

"Alright, go inside. Dry off, clean up, change your clothes and report back here," The Captain ordered, but the children were clearly too frightened to move. "Immediately!" They jumped as he shouted, scrambling to obey. Maria wondered how long she could put up with disappointment after disappointment. All she longed for was a kind word from him, not for herself but for the children. It would go such a long way to help them know that he at least cared. She shook her head and started to follow them inside to get out of her wet dress, but was stopped after only a few steps.

"Fraulein, you will stay here, please!" Maria slowly turned to look at him, her eyes never leaving his face, even when the baroness dismissed herself and breezed by her. "Now, Fraulein, I want a truthful answer from you."

"Yes, Captain?" The truth?

"Is it possible, or could I have just imagined it? Have my children by any chance been climbing trees today?"

"Yes, Captain." The whole truth?

"I see," he said with a strange smile, holding up the kerchief he removed from Louisa before dismissing them. "And where, may I ask, did they get these, uh… these…"

"Play clothes."

"Is that what you call them?" He wanted a truthful answer, but apparently not truthfully blunt ones.

"I made them," she replied proudly. "From the drapes that used to hang in my bedroom."

"Drapes?!"

"They still had plenty of wear left. The children have been everywhere in them."

"Do you mean to tell me my children have been roaming about Salzburg dressed up in nothing but some old drapes?!"

"Mm hmmm…. And having a marvelous time," Maria beamed. She wished he could understand that his passion was completely misplaced. Who cares if they were dressed in gunnysacks and barefoot? They were children again and they had fun!

"They have uniforms," he muttered turning away from her.

"Straightjackets, if you'll forgive me," was the terse reply. She didn't want to have it out with him, not when so much still had to happen. It didn't help that she couldn't keep in mind that he was her employer, not her husband. But she had very little self-control when it came to such unreasonableness and she could feel her own temper start to flare.

"I will not forgive you for that!" The Captain returned to glare at her.

"Children cannot do everything they they're supposed to do if they have to worry about spoiling their precious clothes…"

"I haven't heard them complain yet…"

"Well, they wouldn't dare! They love you too much! They fear you too much."

"I don't wish you to discuss my children in this manner."

"Oh, you've got to hear from someone, you're never home long enough to know them."

"I said I don't want to hear any more from you about my children!"

"I know you don't, but you've got to!" Maria shot back. The Plan was temporarily forgotten. She just spent all those weeks falling in love with his children. He wants the truth and the truth is that he is he needs to stop treating God's blessings like burdens. "Now, take Liesl…"

"You will not say one word about Liesl, Fraulein…"

"… She's not a child anymore. One of these days you're going to wake up and find she's a woman. You won't even know her! And Friedrich, he's a boy but he wants to be a man like you and there's no one to show him how!"

"Don't you dare tell me about my son!"

"Brigitta could tell you about him if you'd let her get close to you, she notices everything. And Kurt pretends he's tough not to show how hurt he is when you brush him aside, the way you do all of them."

"That will do."

"Lousia I don't know about yet but someone has got to find out about her. And the little ones just want to be loved…"

"I said that will do!"

"Oh, please Captain, love them, love them all!"

"I don't care to hear anything further from you about my children!"

"I'm not finished yet, Captain!"

"Oh, yes you are, Captain!" He instantly caught his mistake and sighed. "Fraulein."

Maria said nothing more. She could feel all the confidence she once had slipping away. If he couldn't see the truth that his children desperately longed for him to love them, there was very little hope that he would accept the truth she hid from him. She just wanted to be alone to nurse that little bit of hope back to life.

"Now," he said in a harshly even tone. "You will pack your things this minute and return to the abbey." He ordered her to leave with such finality that Maria flinched. It couldn't be over!

Maybe if she told him everything… about the day in the tobacco shop, the little cottage where they started to create a beautiful life, about their mountain… their son! Would hearing about the birth and death of his own son do anything to melt his anger? Would it help him understand that life is too fleeting to treat those who love you with such cold disregard? It was a huge risk, but…

She wasn't sure if she heard it first, or if he did. They both turned their heads toward the house. The children were singing the song she taught them. She wanted to smile and be proud, to find relief that despite everything, they were still determined to sing. Instead she felt her chest tighten as panic set in.

This wasn't the time! He was too angry! Maria watched his face. If he was displeased, she would intervene and let them have their moment. But if there was something else… well, it could be the miracle she had prayed for.

"What's that?" he asked, his voice still even and his face still pinched and annoyed.

"It's singing," Maria answered, somewhat disheartened.

"Yes, I realize it's singing," he muttered, unimpressed by her sudden reserve. "But who is singing?"

"The children," she sighed. Nothing was going right. If only he hadn't returned today, she thought. Or they hadn't taken the boat out on the lake. He wasn't ready for The Plan and she wasn't ready for it to be over. Hope requires patience, the Reverend Mother had told her. Patience, however, required time and she no longer had any.

"The children?" he repeated, half surprised, half mesmerized. Maria watched as their voices suddenly drew him toward the house.

"I taught them something to sing for the baroness," she explained, keeping her emotions checked, giving him enough to encourage his changing mood. She wanted to believe it, but he quickly turned on his heels and marched toward the house and she was unsure once again. She remained outside, positive that she wouldn't be able to stand to watch him put a stop to the only good thing the children had left of their time together.

The Captain slowed his steps as he approached the sitting room. He stared wide eyed at the children as they sang to the guests. It wasn't just that they sounded like a choir of angels, or that their faces radiated a joyous peace that he himself yearned to know… it was the music. It was the song… the words.

_"… to sing through the night…"_

He knew these words. He knew them in his heart. He wasn't sure where they came from but they were there.

_"… I go to the hills when my heart is lonely…"_

He was lonely… lonely for far too long. How could a man, surrounded by so many children, his own children, be lonely? Why did he let the pain of loss fester for so long when there he still had so much to live for? He slowly moved closer to the children, letting the melody and the words pour out of him. Each note released him bit by bit from the heartache, making him feel lighter in spirit.

_"…and I'll sing once more."_

The children stood frozen as he approached them. Even Max and Elsa watched in stunned silence as he nervously stood before them, unsure if they could possibly trust what had just happened. He smiled and held out his arms, praying they would accept him now, even after all he did to push them away.

Instantly they understood. The children rushed into his arms, surrounding him. Together they laughed, leaving words aside. They loved him, and he could see that without even being asked that they forgave him. He was humbled and overjoyed.

When Gretl pulled away to give a small cluster of flowers to the baroness, he remembered that he was interrupting a presentation. Fraulein Maria! She had done this. He needed to make things right. He turned toward the door to see the governess duck out of view. He didn't blame her for avoiding his gaze. He had been a wretch to her.

Maria had watched the whole thing unfold with wonder. It happened again, just like she had hoped. Music had released him from his fear and now he was free to be the warm and loving man she knew. It was too late for her, but the children had their father back. She would always be glad about that. She looked up in time to see him watching her. Defeated, she hung her head and made her way toward her room to pack her things. She only hoped he would let her say good bye to the children before she left.

As she climbed the stairs, she heard footsteps behind her. She couldn't bear to turn and look at him. He would see her tears and it might ruin everything.

"Fraulein," he called to her. He waited for her to look at him. "I… behaved badly. I apologize." His voice was soft and sincere. Maria had waited for him to finally speak kindly to her and now it was tearing her up inside.

"I'm far too outspoken. It's one of my worst faults," she managed, her voice heavy with sorrow. It wasn't false modesty for the sake of a response. She was finally admitting to herself that she forced him to send her away.

"You were right," he confessed, dismissing her words and taking her share of the blame on himself. "I don't know my children…"

"There's still time, Captain. They want so much to be close to you."

"…And you brought music back into the house. I'd forgotten." Maria couldn't hold the tears back any longer. She continued up the stairs so she could be alone when she fell apart.

"Fraulein… I want you to stay," he called her back. Maria turned and stared, hanging on the words as he spoke them. Stay? "I ask you to stay."

"If I could be of any help." Maria felt the numbness dissolve and allowed herself to smile.

"You have already… more than you know." She watched as he offered her an awkward smile before returning to his family.

Maria wanted to shout for joy, but instead she just let it swell inside her. He asked her to stay. There was still time! There was still hope! Quickly she ran to her room to change out of her wet dress and to indulge her tears. They were no longer tears of despair, however, but of pure gladness.

She was elated. All she could think about was how after everything that was said and done, it worked out after all. The children had their father and she had a renewed hope that someday she, too, would be reunited with her Smitty.

She would wait until later to deal with the recent realization that Baroness Schraeder was beautiful, sophisticated and clearly in love with the Captain.

Maria wasn't sure she would ever be able to deal with the other realization that the Captain was also in love with the baroness.

**Disclaimer: 'The Sound of Music' and 'Random Harvest' do not belong to me. I'm doing this for entertainment, mostly mine. **

**A/N: I hope that I have made some of you SOM purists happy by sticking pretty heavy to the musical in this chapter. I will warn you that we are about to swing back to AU and the RH storyline. I say "warn" because you may hate me for what I'm about to do but please try and put up with me. Oh, and I love reviews. But you already knew that. Thanks to those who always leave one with each review. You keep me pushing at it.**


	24. Chapter 24

Elsa stood alone by the iron gate admiring the scenery, welcoming the peaceful mood of the sunset reflection on the lake and the bright pink sky. She had to admit to herself that she really did like being at the villa. She also had to admit that in many ways the trip turned out to be more than she had hoped it would be.

The children, though cautious, welcomed her. She heard all the horror stories from Max and expected them to turn their imaginative pranks on her, but instead she found beautiful, talented and completely enchanting children. She would be proud to become their mother. That is, if she married their father.

She adored Georg. That was never a question in her mind. She fell in love with him the moment she met him, despite the way he brooded and clung to the memory of his wife. She overlooked it because she understood his pain. She could even count that kind of devotion in his favor. So why can't I just tell him I want to marry him, she thought with a deep sigh. He is handsome, a gentlemen, and possesses every quality I find attractive in a man.

She knew the answer… it was those moments when he became a lost stranger, times when he would look through her as though she wasn't even there. It was because of those moments when he would stiffen when she tried to wrap herself around his arm when they walked anywhere. It was the way he became entranced and unreachable when music would play.

It happened a few days prior when the children had begged their father to sing something for them. He protested at first, but finally gave in when the governess added her voice to the request. He sang a lovely song. She only recently discovered he had a wonderful singing voice, and was quite touched when he would look up to smile and sing to her. She became swept away by the warmth of being with the family and almost made up her mind right then to tell Georg she wanted to marry him.

But then it happened again. He looked up and stared far away as if the song he was singing triggered another one of his mysterious memories. He was lost again. The mood was instantly shattered and she was unsure once again. The governess also seemed to notice it happen as well and was visibly shaken. Elsa quickly brought up the idea of a party to bring him back and not a moment too soon. The poor governess quickly gathered the children for bed, seemingly eager to escape.

"I ordered the sunset just for you," a voice smoothly spoke to her from behind. Georg drew close to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. Elsa closed her eyes, glad to be alone with him after a long day of party planning. "I hope it's your size and color."

"It's perfect," she laughed. She enjoyed the moments when he was genuinely present. She turned around and looked into his shining eyes, resting her hands on his chest. "Everything is perfect."

"What have you been thinking about out here all by yourself?"

"I was thinking that I really do like it here, Georg," she replied. "It's so lovely and peaceful. How can you leave it as often as you do?"

"Oh, pretending to be madly active, I suppose," he confessed. "Activity suggests a life filled with purpose."

"Could it be running away from memories?" He nodded. He ran his hands down her arms, took both her hands in his and brought them to his lips. He turned and led her along the edge of the lake, still holding one of her hands firmly in his own.

"I hope that's why you've been coming to Vienna so often," she mused coyly. "Or were there other distractions there?"

"I would hardly call you a mere distraction, darling," he responded in kind. Elsa laughed. This was the Georg she adored, the playful amusing one.

"Do you remember our first walk together here?" Georg nodded. "We talked about things we had in common… loss, heartache. I think that is when I fell in love with you. Or at least finally admitted to myself that I was in love with you."

"And… are you still in love with me?"

"Deeply and madly, my dear. Deeply and madly," she gave his hand a gentle squeeze and laughed. "You don't have to wonder about that."

"And yet, you put me off every time I talk about marriage. Do you doubt that I love you?"

Elsa stopped walking and shook her head.

"No, I don't," she finally answered.

"Then please tell me why you won't say yes," he pleaded.

"I… I think I needed to come here again," she explained, not entirely with the truth. "I needed to be here with you, with the children. You seem so different here, so much more at home."

"It wasn't always the case," Georg said regretfully. "When I tried to shut out the memory of Agathe, I shut out the children as well. And I shut out the music that meant so much to her. When I heard the children sing that song Fraulein Maria taught them, well… I realized what a fool I've been."

"So Fraulein Maria? Is she the difference?"

"She brought music back into the house, my dear. But you brought meaning back into my life. That is the vital difference. I want to feel my life again and I can't do that without you." He took her hand in both of his and clutched it to his heart. "I love you, Elsa. Marry me."

Elsa reached up and touched his face tenderly. She wanted him more than any man she had ever known. "I love you, too, Georg. I think I would be very happy to become the new Baroness Von Trapp." She watched as his face register her answer and welcomed the passionate kiss he placed on her lips.

"If I can make you half as happy as you just made me, you'll be the happiest woman in the world," Georg whispered to her, still elated. Elsa stared into his smiling eyes.

"Are you truly happy, darling? There isn't anything… missing? Any regrets?" She was almost sorry to ask when she saw his smile fade and his countenance drop.

Georg reached into his pocket and withdrew the little brass key. He twirled it in his fingers a few times. "You mean this, don't you?" She nodded slowly. "I will throw this key in the lake this minute if you ask me… if it would prove to you that there is nothing holding me back from loving you."

"No, darling," Elsa said with a small laugh, folding his fingers over the key in his palm of his hand. "I don't need any proof. I have you… standing there, loving me. Whether or not you should."

"I don't want you to worry that anything from my past will come back to hurt you, to hurt us," he said, his voice serious. Elsa placed her arms around his neck and gently ran her fingers through the hair that grazed the collar of his jacket.

"I'm not worried," she told him, but it wasn't entirely true. She was worried, but there was no point in saying anything. He could never promise something he had little control over. She managed to convince the man in her arms, for he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her into a warm embrace.

"Shall we wait and make the announcement at the party?" he asked and she quickly nodded in agreement.

"I like the idea of keeping it a secret, just you and me. For now."

**A/N: So, look on the bright side. I could have had all this happen in the gazebo. I'm about to commit a bigger sin against the romance of this wonderful movie, so consider yourself warned. It's funny… I don't particularly care for Kitty in Random Harvest (Elsa's RH character) but for some reason I can't help but make poor Elsa somewhat likeable. Maybe because I hope the baroness found happy love post-SOM. And because I adore Eleanor Parker and she's the one in my mind when I write. Ok, I'll shut up now.**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five

After Elsa greeted the final guests and conversed graciously with Georg by her side for an acceptable length of time, she strategically made her way to the doors that led outside so she could catch her breath. The few weeks she spent secretly engaged to Georg were wonderful, so she couldn't figure out why she was nervous about the fact that they were about to make it all so official.

The cool air of the evening was refreshing. After a few deep breaths, she began to return when she realized that the children were nearby, watching the activity inside.

"Good evening, children," she said pleasantly, grateful for a reason to stay outside a bit longer. They all spun to face her at the sound of her voice and greeted her back courteously. "My, you all look so lovely."

"You look beautiful, Baroness," Liesl quickly replied, meeting her as she stepped closer. "And your gown is gorgeous! I wish Father had let me wear a gown tonight. I wish…"

"Liesl, darling, soon you will be wearing gowns and dancing at parties by the dozens," Elsa smiled at the wistful teenager. "All in good time." Liesl nodded, still disappointed that she was relegated to the patio before bedtime when there was such an exciting party in her own home.

The children returned to watching the guests dancing around the ballroom gaily as Elsa observed them. She wondered how they would react to the news that she was going to marry their father. She hoped they would be happy. Marriage was nothing new to her, but motherhood was a mystery. Perhaps that was the reason she was so nervous. The music changed as the small orchestra began to play a laendler.

"What is that they're playing?" Gretl asked. They all turned their heads toward her for the answer.

"Oh, it's the laendler," she answered. "It's an Austrian folk dance."

"Teach me," Kurt asked as he stepped toward her. She was taken aback but touched that he asked her.

"Oh, Kurt… I haven't danced that since I was a little girl," she tried to get out of it, fearful of making a complete fool of herself in front of them.

"Oh, you remember. Please?" Elsa wanted to laugh as she relented and put her hand out to the young boy. He was just as hard to resist as his father.

Georg had become quite engrossed in a conversation when he discovered Elsa had slipped off his arm and disappeared. It wasn't like her to shy away from a social event such as this, especially one held in her honor. He curiously searched the ballroom for her when the activity outside caught his eye.

Elsa demonstrated the beginning steps but before long their height difference made the first underarm turn difficult. Her young partner was not to be discouraged, and again she had to marvel at his determination.

They continued until they got to the second similar turn and struggled yet again. Georg watched the scene with fond amusement for a few short moments before determining his intervention was needed. She was about to suggest Kurt practice just that much with one of his sisters when she heard a familiar voice cut in.

"Do allow me, will you?" She turned around to find her handsome fiancé holding out a hand to her. She looked quickly at the children, all of them eager to see them continue, even Kurt. She took his hand, politely nodded and let him glide her around in perfect step.

He had danced with Elsa many times and always at the envy of everyone around, but he was never more proud than at that moment, away from the guests, alone together. Soon they would tell the children about their engagement, he mused excitedly, and everything would be perfect.

But as the dance progressed, Georg could feel it start again, that odd sensation of something he couldn't quite remember in full. He tried to decide if it was the music or Elsa or… the dancing. It was the dancing, he could feel it strongly in his mind. He had the feeling of dancing with someone else on a crowded dance floor and yet it was if they were the only people there.

There was also a feeling of pure contentment… a confidence in the happiness, in that one moment in time of such peace and joy. He kept dancing, afraid to lose the memory, incomplete as it was. Gradually different music bounced like an echo in his head… a lullaby? It made no sense.

Elsa could feel him becoming lost again, but still allowed him to hold her as they came to a standstill. He stared hard into her face but she knew he wasn't seeing her. She longed to know what he was remembering, and yet she suspected that deep in her heart she already knew. There was someone else, someone whose face he couldn't recall, but with each episode he was falling in love with her again.

The music stopped and the dance was over. Elsa released herself from his arms, her eyes searching for a sign that he was returning.

"Georg?" she whispered desperately. He continued to stare at her, his face suddenly full of sorrow. He could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"It… it was nothing, Elsa," he managed to say, hoping he mustered enough earnestness in his voice to convince her. She blinked back the tears and gave him a weak smile. The children gathered around their father, pulling him fully back to the present.

He knew he wanted to tell the children first, and it seemed to be the perfect time. He hoped making the engagement official would help Elsa forget what had just happened. He hoped it would put the cursed memories to rest for good.

"Children, I'm glad we're all together because I have something important to tell you," he started. Elsa put her hand on his arm as if to stop him, but he quickly took it in his and brought it to his lips for a kiss to reassure her that he wanted to marry her more than ever.

"What is it, Father?"

"Baroness Schraeder and I are going to be married," he announced. He looked at Elsa and gave her hand a gentle squeeze and added, mostly for her benefit, "and we're all going to be very happy."

A current of curiosity flowed through the children as they looked at each upon hearing the news. Elsa tried to read their faces, but couldn't quite determine if they were glad or shocked. One by one they approached her, giving her a kiss and a gracious smile to welcome her to the family. She soon realized they were better prepared for their new relationship than she was. She nodded at them, but said nothing.

"Fraulein Maria! Did you hear?" Brigitta floated to her governess' side. Maria had come to find her charges and get them ready to say goodnight when she stumbled upon the scene of the Captain dancing with the baroness. She quickly hung back and watched everything unfold. Her heart raced and her breathing became hard.

They were beautiful together and there was no use denying, even to keep herself from crying, that they were in love. She felt a pain in her chest as they stopped dancing, still holding on to each other and staring deeply into each other's eyes. For weeks she had managed to control her emotions whenever she saw them together, refusing to surrender the hope that he would one day return to her. After what she saw, however, she had to consider if it was time to let that hope go. When she came out of the shadows, she heard him make the announcement and it was no longer a matter for consideration.

"Yes, I did," Maria replied, her voice quiet and subdued. "May I wish you every happiness, Baroness… and you, too, Captain."

"Thank you, my dear," Elsa answered softly.

"Fraulein, are you alright? Your face is all red!" For all of Brigitta's ability to observe detail, she certainly needed to work on tact.

"Is it? I suppose… I suppose I'm not used to such grand parties," She lied, covering her cheeks with her hands. "And such exciting news." It seemed to satisfy the little girl. Mercifully the Captain gave her an excuse to escape.

"I think it's time the children said goodnight, hmmm?"

"We'll be in the hall in a moment. We've got something very special planned," she told him before disappearing quickly with the children into the garden and away from the sight of him.

Maria had hoped to make a quick escape from the party after the children performed their farewell song, but so many people were eager to congratulate her on the children's delightful presentation that she found herself trapped in the mingling crowd of guests. To make matters worse, the Captain stood on the staircase with Elsa by his side and all eyes were turning toward them.

"Since everyone is gathered now, I would like to ask for your attention if I may," he started, waiting as a hush fell over the grand hall. "I would like to first say, on behalf of Baroness Schraeder and myself, that it is an honor to have you here this evening." Elsa let him take her hand and forced a smile. "It is also my deepest pleasure to tell you, our distinguished guests and honored friends, that his beautiful woman beside me has agreed to become my wife."

At once the whole house began buzzing and a joyous applause broke out. As the Captain helped Elsa down the stairs, they became swarmed with well-wishers eager to congratulate, by all appearances, the happy couple. Those who knew the Captain for a long time were especially glad to see him find happiness after all that had befallen him in recent years.

Maria couldn't stand it any longer. She quickly and quietly made her way up the stairs. As she reached the top, she covered her mouth to silent her sobs until she was in the solitude of her bedroom. She threw herself on her bed and indulged the tears that flowed. It was over. She wasn't going to get him back, not after what she saw with her own eyes and heard with her own ears.

After a while, she sat up and rubbed the tears from her eyes and face. She wanted to tell him the truth. At one time it was a risk, but now it was her only chance to make him see her for real. She loved him first. He danced with her, kissed her, married her… loved her first. She had a legal right to tell him everything and claim him for herself.

She had the legal right to him, but did she have the moral right? She didn't want to think about that. It was her only chance and she wanted to take it. Thoughts and emotions were still spinning frantically inside her, but she compose herself so she could check on the children. She quickly washed her face, took a deep breath and opened her door.

She walked briskly down the hall toward the children's rooms when she suddenly came face to face with the baroness, nearly colliding. She mumbled a quiet pardon, not wishing to make the awkward moment last any longer than it had to. Elsa gently placed a hand on Maria's arm and mouthed her own apology, unable to speak. Surprised, Maria looked up in time to see the shaken woman hurry away, stopping outside her room. She fumbled at the door, pulling and pushing the handle until she gave up and leaned her head against it. Maria slowly walked past her, determined to just make sure the children were settled into bed so she could retreat back to her own room and be alone again.

She glanced at the baroness as she went by and noticed the woman was crying. Maria stopped, turned around and approached her gingerly, curious to her plight.

"Baroness? Is everything alright?"

"Oh," Elsa looked up, embarrassed to be caught in such a state. "It's this door. I told the Captain that the latch is broken. It's been giving my trouble for days now." Maria reached by her, slowly turned the doorknob and pushed it open. Elsa gave her a sheepish laugh.

"Thank you, Maria," she said as she entered. Maria watched as she stood in the middle of the room, looking around as if she didn't know why she had come there in the first place. Maria sighed and invited herself to enter, closing the door behind her. Elsa turned quickly when she realized she wasn't alone.

"I'll leave if you wish," Maria offered. "But I couldn't help but notice that you're upset about something, and if I can help…" She knew her motives were not pure, but she had to know why the baroness was so unhappy on this night of all nights.

"I'll be fine," Elsa replied dismissively. "I just need to catch my breath… this evening has been a bit…"

"Overwhelming?"

"Yes," Elsa nodded and sighed. "I don't know why I cried over something as silly as a door. I mean, this is the happiest night of my life." She looked at Maria as she spoke, but she said it mostly to convince herself.

Maria stood silently by the door, waiting for the woman to continue. She decided she wasn't jealous of her, not really. She could hardly blame the woman for being in love with him. But she was envious. Envious that she had his love now. Envious that the children would soon call her 'mother'. Thinking the conversation was finish, she opened the door to leave.

"You've seen it happen, too, haven't you?"

"I'm sorry? See what happen?" Maria watched the baroness' brow furrow as she tried to find the words to explain.

"You've seen him… get lost, just stand there in front of you but really be miles away… in another place, in another time. You've seen it happen, haven't you?"

"I can't say that I have…" she lied.

"It happened the night you and the children asked him to sing. I saw it and you seemed so unsettled that I was sure you noticed it as well," Elsa said sounding disappointed that she was wrong.

"Oh, well… 'Edelweiss' has always been a dear song to me," Maria sputtered. "My father used to sing it to me. Maybe that is why you thought I was upset."

"I guess that's it," Elsa agreed sadly. "But I thought for sure you noticed." Maria had noticed but she didn't want to admit it, not to her. It was true that the song caught her off guard. She had sung it to Smitty the day she told him she was going to have his baby. She could easily point to that day as the happiest of her life. She was so sure that day that they would live happily ever after.

But then he looked at her as if he, too, were remembering the same thing. He lost himself in the faraway memory, just as the baroness had said. It was the closest she had to having him back. And then it stopped.

"When his wife died, she left him with a terrible heartache," Elsa blurted out. "But an accident left him a prisoner in his own mind. He, uh… he doesn't need me to help end the heartache anymore, but there is nothing I can do about his mind."

Maria swallowed hard, but didn't respond. She had avoided close interaction with Baroness Schraeder since the woman first arrived at the villa. Now that they were alone, she could see how incredibly beautiful she truly was. She was a part of the Captain's world; she was wealthy, sophisticated and so refined. Maria realized that if she were to tell him the truth, the baroness would become her rival. She was quite certain it was a competition she had very little chance of winning.

"You seem to make the Captain very happy," Maria offered meekly, her voice barely able to get the words out. "Don't you think he could make you happy?"

"I could be abundantly happy, Maria," Elsa admitted. "As long as he needs me. But I'm not sure I am the one he needs. And I need someone who needs me desperately."

Suddenly everything became increasingly complicated. More and more she saw how her choice to tell the Captain who she was risked more than her own happiness. And who was she that she should demand so much at the cost of others?

"Maybe he does," she offered softly, her spirit falling fast. "Maybe he does need you desperately." Elsa looked at Maria and gave her an appreciative smile.

"Maybe he does," she shrugged hopefully.

"Goodnight, Baroness."

"Goodnight, my dear. And thank you." Maria nodded as she opened the door and left.

She looked down the hall toward the children's bedrooms, but turned and went quickly back to her own room. She didn't know what to do anymore, but she did know she couldn't think clearly if she stayed there. And she knew she had to leave right away because she didn't want to have to explain. More importantly, she didn't want to face him. She threw her few belongings in her small bag, wrote a short note and grabbed her guitar.

Once the guests were seated for dinner, the coast was clear. Maria made her quiet exit out of the door and into the dark night.

**A/N: Oh, no she didn't! Oh, yes… she did. **

**Please, get yourself a drink, gather yourself and then leave a review. It'll make us both feel a whole lot better. **


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Six

"You are still unhappy. Am I to understand your time with the Von Trapp family was unsuccessful?"

The Reverend Mother and Maria strolled the Abbey gardens in the light of the full moon. When she was informed that Maria had arrived at the gate at such an odd hour, she was sure it meant that something was wrong. She insisted they meet together immediately.

Her intuition was confirmed upon first sight of the young woman. Maria's eyes were red from crying, giving her an uncharacteristically dark countenance. Even her voice was tired and heavy when she greeted her.

"No… not a success. Not like I hoped anyway," Maria answered with a deep sigh. "He didn't remember me at all and he was nothing like the man I married." The abbess nodded, unsurprised at the news.

"Yet you persevered."

"Well, I, uh… became very fond of the children and they responded well to me. We've had a marvelous summer," Maria explained, her voice pained as she talked of the children. "The best part was when they reconnected with their father. It truly was a miracle, Reverend Mother. He returned to being the wonderful man I knew. I could even see that he was starting to remember."

"Then why have you run away?"

"I think the memories frightened him, not that it matters. I learned tonight that he is to be married to someone else. I couldn't stay, I just couldn't… part of me wants to tell him everything, but I'm not sure." Maria hung her head and stared at her hands clenched tightly into fists.

"Are you asking my permission?" the abbess asked.

"No, I… I guess I want you to tell me that it is the right thing to do."

"Maria, you have every right to tell him. I rather hope you won't. Oh, it's not a question of right or wrong. I'm just afraid for you, my child. I'm afraid you'll be very hurt." The Reverend Mother led Maria to a stone bench and invited her to sit with her.

"I don't think that is possible," Maria said with a humorless laugh. "I feel quite numb by now."

"No, I don't think so. You feel everything deeply, Maria. You wouldn't have run away if you didn't." Maria had to admit to herself that the Reverend Mother was right. She did feel it all deeply. She just didn't think it was possible to feel worse than she did already.

"I have nothing to lose."

"Nothing?"

Maria felt a tear fall and she quickly wiped it away. If she told him and he didn't believe her or worse, believed her and rejected her, she would lose the children and the memories of the life they once shared. Everything would be tainted with the knowledge that she ruined his chance at happiness and deprived the children of a mother they so desperately need.

"Maria, I wish things turned out differently for you. But remember, when God closes a door…" Maria cut the older woman off with a violent shake of her head.

"But this was my door, Reverend Mother! I don't want a window, I want this door… this door with his name on it… and mine," Maria jumped up from the bench, her voice choking with emotion. Our door, her mind raced. And he has the key… a little brass key. He'll hold it forever and never know everything that key could open for him.

She felt the nun's patient eyes watching her. She turned slowly and returned to her place next to her on the bench. Maria knew deep in her heart that the Reverend Mother was right. She would be hurt again. She looked at the older woman, her eyes moist with hot tears, totally surrendering to what she knew all along.

"So that's it, then. I guess it's over." Maria dropped her head into her hands and let the tears flow freely. She felt the kind arm of the Reverend Mother around her shoulders. She leaned into the embrace, grateful for her compassionate silence. After a couple minutes, she sat up straight and gave the Reverend Mother a sad look. "I… I don't know what I should do next. I feel so lost… so paralyzed."

This time the older woman stood up and began to walk in a small circle, her hands tucked into her habit. She turned toward Maria and saw the young woman watching her expectantly.

"You have one obvious option, my child. You could go back."

"Go back? How could I possibly…? Reverend Mother, I just now decided to leave well enough alone. I couldn't go back! It would be too difficult, too…"

"I don't mean tonight. You need to give your heart a chance to recover, to pray and search your soul and find out what God has planned for you. Maybe you have unfinished business…"

"Unfinished business?" Maria was perplexed. She felt she was being given an impossible riddle.

"It's late, Maria," the Reverend Mother smiled. "Sleep on it, pray about it. Tomorrow is a new day and we'll have more time to talk then."

Maria nodded. She was exhausted in body and spirit. She followed the Reverend Mother out of the garden and back into the Abbey walls. They bid each other a good night and parted.

Maria sat on the edge of the bed in her quarters. She looked at her bag sitting by the end of the bed. She was too tired to change out of her dress. She simply fell back on the pillow and stared at the moonlight that spilled through the narrow window and crept across the floor and up the wall. She just wanted to close her eyes and let sleep take her somewhere far away.

Maria spent the next couple days alone in her room, searching her heart. As she said her prayers one afternoon, she was able to find the answer that gave her a sense of control and peace. Just as the Reverend Mother had wisely predicted, she did have unfinished business. She immediately went to the abbess and asked to use the telephone.

The next day, Maria walked down a long broad street, searching each building she passed. Normally she didn't mind being lost, as she considered it an adventure more than an inconvenience. This time, however, she was on a most important errand. If she couldn't find the address written on the small piece of paper in her hand, it would do very little to help her confidence.

She finally found her destination, and with a deep breath she opened the door and stepped into a cheerful but professional looking reception room. There was a serious looking woman sitting at a desk who looked up when Maria enter.

"Good afternoon," she welcomed Maria. "You must be Frau Schmidt. Herr Dreschler is waiting…" But before the receptionist could finish her sentence, the young man appeared beside her.

"Maria?" She turned and smiled with relief. He was just as she remembered him the night they met. Smitty had taken her to dinner only to abandon her with Wil and his friends with the goal of pushing her out of his life. It was a plan that turned out much differently, she thought as she recalled the bittersweet memory.

"Hello, Wil. It's so good of you to make time to see me. I really do appreciate it." Maria followed him to his office. "I was afraid you might not remember me."

"Of course I do! I was so glad to get your phone call yesterday. How long has it been?" He opened the door and stepped aside for her to enter.

"I guess it has been over a year at least," she replied, thankful for the small talk, but eager to state her business. She sat down across from him at his desk. They stared awkwardly at each other until Wil cleared his throat and leaned forward.

"Am I correct to assume you are in need of my professional advice? It would be too good be true if you are here simply on a social call."

"Yes," Maria answered, lowering her eyes to the edge of his desk. "I am hoping you can help me. It's a rather delicate matter." Intrigued, Wil sat back and bade her to continue. "I… I need to legally declare someone dead."

"That is a rather unusual request."

"It is a rather unusual story," Maria replied and then launched into the details of the last couple years of her life. She was surprised that she was able to do so with relative calm. Perhaps it was because by now it was starting to sound like the plot of a bad novel*, not her own life. Wil listened intently, writing notes and nodding without judgment. When she finished, there was silence for a few moments before he spoke.

"Like I said, this is an unusual request, but not too uncommon. I would say there are a few petitions every year for this sort of thing and almost always they are approved. That is the good news," he offered. "Unfortunately, almost always those petitions are filed after the required length of time has passed. If he has been missing only a year, there may be a problem."

"Aren't there exceptions for situations like this? Smitty is, for all intents and purposes, dead. The Captain is very much alive and very much not Smitty anymore."

"There are no situations like this, Maria," Wil said kindly. "You are essentially asking me if we can declare someone to be legally dead who never legally existed. Tell me, why go through the painful trouble?"

"Because even if he didn't legally exist, we were legally married. But now the Captain plans to marry someone else. I want him to do so freely." Maria rubbed her forehead nervously. She had planned out everything she wanted to say but it was harder than she anticipated.

"What about a divorce?"

"No, that is not acceptable. It is against God's law."

"So… you're concerned for his soul, is that it?"

"Yes," she sighed, knowing it was much more than that. "I suppose I could pretend it never happened, but…" She hesitated. The emotions were refusing to let her get through the conversation unscathed. "But we had a child together. I will not pretend he never happened."

"Oh, Maria," he said with sympathy. "I didn't realize how truly difficult this is for you."

"Yes, well… just tell me you can help me. Please." Wil stood up and walked to the book lined wall behind her. After a few seconds of looking, he found the law volume he was searching for and brought it back to his desk.

"There are situations where death certificates are issued sooner when a person is classified as missing, presumed dead… in a war or some catastrophe," he explained as he flipped through the pages of the book. "I'm certain that a panel would be extremely understanding to your situation and I could convince them as I knew him when he was Smitty. I would be glad to be a witness to everything you say."

"A panel? Is that how it works? Then people would know! I rather hoped this could happen discreetly." Wil studied her and then closed the book.

"Here's what we're going to do, Maria. You are going to let me look into the matter some more. I can talk to my uncle, see what he thinks. He's very honorable and trustworthy but at this stage I don't have to mention any names if that will make you feel better. When I have done that, I will call on you to see if you wish to proceed. I want to make this happen for you with as little heartache as possible." Wil stood up and came around the desk to her side, taking her hand in his to show his heartfelt support. "Where can I find you?"

"Please contact the Reverend Mother at Nonnberg Abbey. If I'm not there, she will know how to find me." Maria stood, withdrawing her hand from his gently but deliberately. "Thank you, Wil. For everything." He walked her to the street and offered to drive her anywhere she needed to go.

"No, I think the walk will be good for me," she assured him and started to walk away. She turned back and laughed. "Isn't it funny? Smitty was so eager for me to meet you that night so long ago. He thought you were someone who could help me forget about him. And now, in a way you are doing just that. I find that incredibly amusing, don't you?" Wil could see the tears forming on the corners of her eyes as her laughter faded.

"Maria, are you going to be ok?"

"I'm going to be just fine, Wil. Don't worry about me." She nodded her goodbye and walked slowly away. He watched her until she was no longer visible from where he stood, hoping it wouldn't be long before he could see her again.

As Maria made her way back to the Abbey, she felt her burden begin to lighten. She had done what she could to cut the final ties she had with Smitty… the legal ties anyway. She knew he would always be bound to her heart and she knew she could settle for that much.

She drew closer to the convent contemplating what she could do next. She was no stranger to starting things over. With the Captain as a reference, she was sure to find something she could do.

But you left in the middle of the night, a voice in her head chided. You were the governess and you left without even saying goodbye to the children. Why would he give a reference for someone who does something so inconsiderate?

She reached the Abbey gates and suddenly realized she wanted to go back. Just like the Reverend Mother suggested, she had unfinished business there, too. If she packed quickly and left right away, she could be there just as the children went to bed. She didn't waste another minute.

**A/N: *A little self-deprecation. Couldn't resist.**

**I'm not usually one for apologizing for what I write but I do want to just say that I'm not a lawyer and have no legal expertise whatsoever. Just your average fanfic writer with access to an internet search engine that can find me every 'annoying orange' video known to man, but not 'how to declare someone dead in 1930s Austria'. Weird, right? I am presuming upon you, my beloved readers, to use imagination while I try make certain things as plausible as I can. **

**Thanks for reading my story (26 chapters?! How did that happen?) and thanks to those who have encouraged me along the way… you know who you are.**

**I don't own 'The Sound of Music', the characters or the music. I don't own 'Random Harvest' either. This is all for fun. The only profit I have received is some gratification and some awesome internet friends who like this movie as much as I do.**

**I'll shut up now. **


	27. Chapter 27 Earlier that morning

Chapter Twenty Seven

Georg woke with a start. He had the dream again. He turned over and reached across the bed, but like every morning since his wife fell ill, it was cold and unoccupied. Soon he would be married and Elsa would be there for him and everything would be good again.

He hoped the dreams would stop after the wedding. Elsa was troubled enough as it was by the memories that came and went without warning or explanation. It was becoming harder and harder to convince her that they meant nothing to him.

He couldn't really blame her. Elsa can be the most confident woman at any party. He had yet to attend an opera with her where she wasn't greeted and visibly adored by men and women alike. But when it came to matters of the heart, he was learning that she was quite insecure. Combine that with the prospect of becoming the mother of seven children almost overnight, she was desperately in need of reassurance and he was failing her miserably.

It was pointless to go back to sleep, but the dawn sky was still dark and the kitchen staff was only beginning to wake up and get the day started. He decided to dress and take a walk. He needed to do something to work the tension out of his body and clear his mind.

He quietly made his way outside and started walking toward the edge of the lake. The cool moist air of the morning started to settle on his skin and his clothes began to cling to his body. A shiver ran through him, but he didn't turn back.

For a moment he considered that he was suffering from more than lack of memory. He thought that perhaps he was really crazy. The dream, the memories… maybe they were just tricks or hallucinations from the head injuries. Or maybe they were part of his subconscious trying to keep him from knowing the truth. Maybe it was a truth he didn't want to know after all.

Georg stood for a long time, watching the sky slowly turn from darkness to soft pink and purple hues. It stretched over the roof of the house and reached for the mountains on the horizon before him. He was instantly overcome by a feeling of familiarity. It was a profoundly deep feeling, a real moment in a real place, and not trick of his defective mind.

It was as if his dream refused to be confined to his night. As he became hypnotized by the sights before him, something happened that was different than all the other times. Instead of music being the trigger, the music was the memory itself. He could hear it building and building, a beautiful composition unlike anything he had ever heard.

How can he remember music he never heard? How can he dream of a mountain he never climbed or a beautiful voice from a woman he never met? It made no sense and yet somehow he knew it was very real.

He had no idea how long he stood there staring across the lake watching the colors faded to blue. He didn't notice the birds sing their morning hymn at the sight of the sunrise. He didn't even hear footsteps as Elsa briskly approached.

"There you are, darling! How long have you been out here?" She called to him brightly. "We held breakfast for you but the children were hungry and I… Georg?" Her steps slowed down as she got close enough to see his face. He was frozen, his jaw set and his unblinking eyes wide open. He didn't react to her voice or the sound of his own name. "Georg? Please… look at me," Elsa begged softly.

Slowly he turned toward her, but his face remained expressionless. She unsuccessfully searched for herself in his eyes. When she reached out and touched him, his gaze returned to the mountains.

"Please speak to me," Elsa whispered, her voice full of desperation. "Tell me where you are…" The sound of her crying released Georg from his trance in time to watch her flee back toward the house.

"Elsa…," he called after her weakly, but he made little attempt to stop her. He ran his fingers though his hair, growling in frustration. It was so real this time. It was so close. He gave the horizon one last glance. The mountain was just a mountain. He heard only the birds and the trees rustling in the wind. There was no more music and the memory was gone once again.

He followed the path Elsa took back toward the villa. The house was oddly quiet. Ever since Fraulein Maria left, the children kept to themselves. They begged him to find her and bring her back, but he didn't feel he was in any position to ask her to return if it made her unhappy to be there. He regretted that he didn't make a better effort to know the governess after all she had done for him and the children. Perhaps if he had, he would have foreseen whatever it was that caused her to depart so suddenly. He had to admit that the mood of the household was not the same since she went away.

Eventually he headed up the stairs to see if Elsa was alright. He would do whatever he had to do to make things right once and for all. He would suggest they wed sooner. He would promise the most extravagant honeymoon anywhere she wanted. Whatever she needed to hear from him, he would say.

He gently knocked on her door and waited for an invitation to enter. After a few seconds, she opened the door, startled at first to see him. She flashed him a weary smile and left the door open wide for him to enter as she turned away. Georg followed after her only to find that they were not alone. Frau Schmidt stood by the closet, carefully retrieving its contents and packing them for the Baroness. He looked across the bed and saw several pieces of luggage filled and ready to be closed. He made no effort to hide his disappointment that she was packing.

Frau Schmidt realized the situation and quickly excused herself. Elsa retrieved her jewelry case from a drawer and nestled it into one of the open cases before looking up at him. She sat on the edge of the bed and invited him to sit next to her. They sat quietly together, side by side, staring at the floor. Elsa reached an arm across his shoulder and gently ran her fingertips over his hair. She drew it back and rested it on his shoulder and leaned her head against his arm. It was a tender gesture, but Georg could feel a sadness behind it. He was the first to break the silence.

"I'm sorry, Elsa," he started. "I guess you found me dreaming…"

"It's alright, Georg, you don't have to be sorry. I know you can't help it."

"I've hurt you. I should be able to help that."

"Yes, well… in a way, I'm glad it happened." The silence returned. He didn't like what he was hearing. There was something too final about her tone. She was being too understanding. She was too relieved.

"What has happened exactly?" Georg asked, turning to look at her. She lifted her head and returned his glance through watery eyes.

"From the beginning I've been unsure about us but now I'm certain. I've been selfish, thinking only of my own happiness because you… you could make me so very happy, Georg. But I'm not selfish enough. I'm not stupid enough not to know…"

"To know what?" Georg watched her stand up and walk away and nervously play with her bracelet. She turned to face him.

"That I'm not the one," she finally said what they both had been trying so hard to deny all along. "We need to be honest with each other, darling. When I found you this morning, you looked at me as if I were a stranger trying to take the place of someone else."

"Someone else? If you mean Agathe…"

"Please, Georg, I need to say this. There have been other times, too… especially when we were close or alone… when I had this feeling that I remind you of someone. Not Agathe, but someone else that you once knew," Elsa lowered her eyes and slowly returned to his side on the edge of the bed. "Someone you loved… loved more than you'll ever love me." Georg dropped his head into his hands.

"Please don't leave," he muttered with a painful strain in his voice. Elsa gave his arm a gentle squeeze for comfort.

"I am nearly the one, Georg," she continued. "And I'll always be very proud of that. But nearly the one isn't enough. Not for a lifetime."

"Elsa…"

"We've had some wonderful times together. It was an easy mistake to make, really." Elsa stood up, cleared her throat and began to pack the last few items before Franz came to carry them away.

"I… I don't know what to say," Georg finally answered. She smiled sadly at him.

"It's alright," she answered as lightheartedly as she could muster. "I asked for it and I'll get over it. And I'm not going to play the tragic heroine either. Maybe I'll travel and see what fun I can find. You know me… that won't be difficult." She gave a short laugh but her eyes were still sad. "That's the nice thing about being me, you know. I won't be lonely for long." Her smile faded as she added in a low voice, "But I will always love you more than any man I shall ever marry."

There was a soft knock on the door. Georg stood as Elsa opened the door for Frau Schmidt and Franz. He quickly stepped toward the window and turned his back to her. He leaned his arm against the sill as he looked out. She was right, it was no use.

"Baroness, are you ready?"

She nodded and stepped aside as they came in to finish the chore. Elsa moved silently to Georg's side as her luggage was carried away. From the window they could watch everything being loaded into the trunk of the automobile. It was time to go.

"Let me go with you to the station," Georg said as Franz closed the trunk and came around to wait for her.

"No," Elsa replied. "You stay here where you belong. You will say goodbye to the children for me, won't you? They've been awfully sweet, but I don't think they'll be too disappointed." He nodded.

"Elsa, I wish I knew what I could say to make things different."

"There is nothing to say, darling," Elsa smiled through tears. "But there is one last thing you can do. You can kiss me goodbye… because I am so nearly the one."

Georg closed the space between them, wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her to him with the other. After they parted, Elsa pressed her cheek to his and whispered in his ear.

"Auf Wiedersehen, darling."


	28. Chapter 28 And later that day

Chapter Twenty Eight

Maria's found some comfort in the familiarity of the trek back to the villa. She still felt some trepidation, but the reasons were different and getting there didn't require as much self-prodding. She used the time to figure out what she was going to say to the Captain; she had an obligation to fulfill and she came back to fulfill it. She would only stay until arrangements could be made for another governess. She just wanted to do the right thing, say a proper goodbye and close this chapter of her life.

Franz opened the door for her with his usual lack of reaction, though Maria thought she might have caught a very brief flash of surprise cross his face.

"Good evening, Fraulein."

"Good evening. I'm back," she chirped with a nervous grin.

"Yes," he replied, but that was all.

"Um, well… maybe I should ask to speak to the Captain about it?" She didn't mean for it to sound like a question. She suddenly wasn't sure she would be welcome.

"I'm sorry, but the Captain is not home."

"Oh," she said, giving the butler a slightly bewildered expression. "Maybe I should have called first, or... oh, dear."

"It's alright, Fraulein. I'll take your things upstairs and let Frau Schmidt know that you've returned."

"Oh, thank you," she smiled with relief. "And I'll just go see the children." He nodded as he grabbed her guitar and bag.

She climbed the stairs quietly but quickly. It was only a few days since she left but she really missed them. She knocked on the boys' door first. She opened it slowly and stuck her head inside. Both were sitting on the floor in their pajamas staring at the chess board between them. They turned their heads at the same time.

"Hello," she said softly. "Who's winning?"

"Fraulein Maria?" Kurt asked in disbelief. "You're back?" Before she could answer, they were at her side, beaming with excitement. It was a better reception than she anticipated.

"Yes, I've come back… at least for a little while. How is everyone?"

"Just fine now that you're here! I'm going to tell them!" Friedrich was in the hall before Maria could stop him. "Fraulein Maria is back!" Kurt pulled her by the arm as his brother hollered to the others.

"Oh, not so loud," Maria cried.

"You think I'm loud? Wait until the others see you!" As he predicted, it was chaos. Maria braced herself as doors flew open. Quickly her arms were full of squealing children. She made sure to tell each of them how much she missed them, overjoyed that they didn't seem to care that she left now that she was back.

"Did Father find you? Did he find you and bring you back to us?" Marta asked as she hung on Maria's arm.

"Did he what? Find me?" Maria's smile slowly turned confused.

"We asked Father to bring you back," Marta explained. "I knew he would!"

"Oh," Maria mumbled, swallowing hard. "I…" She looked up and caught a strange look on Liesl's face. "We can talk all about that tomorrow. It's bedtime." She promised to come turn out the lights if they obeyed. Just as quickly as they rushed at her, they scampered away, all except the eldest who stood with her brow wrinkled in a worried expression.

"Liesl? Is everything alright?" The young girl snapped out of her concentration and tilted her head in confusion.

"I don't understand, Father didn't bring you back?"

"No, he didn't. I returned on my own. I haven't heard from anyone since I left. And I wanted to say something about that, the way I left…"

"Fraulein Maria, then I am very afraid it is happening again! I think Father has run away!" Maria could note the panic in Liesl's voice and instantly tried to calm her down.

"Now, why on earth would he run away?"

"Oh, you don't know, do you? The Baroness called off the engagement this morning."

"She… she did?" Maria felt the air leave her lungs. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure," she shrugged, not really concerned about that as much as she was her father's unknown whereabouts. "She left to go back to Vienna. Father was very upset and then this afternoon he just… took off!"

"I don't think you need to worry," Maria said to comfort her. "Have you asked Franz? Maybe Frau Schmidt knows something."

"They wouldn't tell me," she said with a hint of disgust. "I still get treated like a child."

"Then I will find out," Maria answered, then quickly wondered if it was a rash promise. "But all the same, I'm sure the Captain is just fine." It placated a grateful Liesl.

"I'm so glad you're back," she echoed her siblings' sentiments from the minute before. Relieved, she left a bewildered Maria standing alone. She didn't understand what could have happened in such a short few days to make everything turn around.

Maria kept her word and said goodnight to each child before turning out the lights and sending them to sleep. She quietly hurried down the stairs to find Franz who was walking through the house locking doors and windows.

"Franz, may I ask you something?"

"You may," he answered politely, but not overly friendly.

"Do you know when the Captain is going to return?"

"I'm sorry, Fraulein, I do not."

"Oh, I see," she said disappointed. That was not an answer that would comfort Liesl in the least. It certainly didn't help settle anything in her mind, either. "Do you know where he went?"

"Yes," the butler answered. "He asked me to take him to Central Station." Maria felt a chill run up her back. Maybe he did run away, she thought with dread. Maybe he ran after her.

"Do… do you think he went to Vienna?" The butler frowned. Maria knew it was not her business, but she had to ask anyway. "I know, I know, but the children might need him. I should know where he is." Franz narrowed his eyes slightly and then nodded.

"No, I do not think he went to Vienna. He's done this before, Fraulein. He calls me when he is ready to come home." Franz walked away to another window but Maria followed.

"I don't understand," she said to him. "He goes to the train station… but he doesn't go anywhere?"

"Yes, Fraulein.

"After everything that happened today… didn't you think to at least ask when he'd be back? If he'd be back?"

"What the Captain does is his own business," he replied with emphasis. He never cared for governesses and their penchant for gossip. He had thought Maria would be different.

"I'm not asking about his business," she returned, slightly frustrated. "What about his manner, his mood? Aren't you worried?"

In that instant, the phone rang. The butler looked at her with a scowl, reading her expression with slight irritation. He moved quickly to answer it with Maria at his heels. He cleared his throat, mostly to try and chase the governess away, and picked up the receiver. Maria said nothing but stood close and tried to listen.

"Villa Von Trapp," he announced. He listened only briefly and looked at Maria. She raised her eyebrows and waited. "Yes, sir. I'll be on my way." He hung up the phone and turned to her. "That was the Captain." Maria was visibly relieved, but not about to leave the matter alone. Something happened and she needed to find out what it was. Waiting for him to return might cost all her nerve.

"Franz, may I come with you?"

"The Captain will be home soon, Fraulein, I hardly think…"

"Oh, please," she begged. "Take me with you. Let me go to him." The butler gave her an exasperated look, but he knew it would be a battle to discourage her. "I won't let you get in trouble."

"Very well, Fraulein," he relented with a weary sigh.

There were a lot of people coming and going when Maria stepped through the main doors of the train station, but she spotted the Captain almost immediately. He was sitting alone on a bench. She was only a few feet away from him when he finally noticed her approaching.

"Good evening, Captain," she spoke with a tentative voice. She was as surprised to see him as he was to see her but only because he did not appear as upset as she was led to believe. If anything, he seemed quite peaceful. Tired and sad, but peaceful.

"Fraulein Maria," he said with surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to find you, sir," she explained. "I made Franz bring me with him so if you're going to be annoyed about it, please be annoyed with me, not him."

"But… why?" He asked, not even responding to her apology.

"Liesl was concerned. She knew you were upset when you left, and I think she thought perhaps you, uh… ran away." He grimaced at her words.

"I guess you heard about the Baroness, then."

"Yes, sir." She wouldn't lie and say she was sorry. Not when he didn't seem too sorry about it either.

"I was upset, but not anymore, not really. She was right, it was no use. I'm not good for anybody. In a way I'm relieved she saw it first. Still, it was insensitive of me to bolt out of the house like I did. I should have said something so no one would worry." He looked at her with sudden interest. "How did you know I was here?"

"Oh, well… I made Franz tell me," she explained a bit contritely. He nodded, recalling the stubborn woman he faced off with when he returned from Vienna and could only imagined that conversation. He almost felt sorry for his butler.

"Has anyone told you about my experience here a couple years ago?" Maria stared at him for a moment and then slowly nodded sympathetically.

"Yes, I heard about it. It happened here? At the train station?"

"I'm not sure," he shrugged. "I woke up in an alley not very far from here. I go there, too, sometimes hoping to retrace my steps… anything for a clue to what happened. The trail always leads me here somehow." Maria slowly came and sat down beside him. She wished he knew how much she wanted to know what happened to him that night. She wished he knew how it flipped her world upside down as much as it did his.

"And nothing ever…?"

"No, nothing. Complete and utter failure each time," he muttered. He winced as he stood, his body tired from sitting and from the emotional toll of the day. "I'm not well, Fraulein. I'll never be well. Today has me convinced of that." Maria wondered if he was still talking about his faulty memory or about the Baroness.

"Oh, Captain," she said, almost imploring him. "Surely you must have hope that someday you'll be able to remember."

"I suppose, but… I can't keep trying to fool myself into believing it anymore. I've hurt others. I need to accept that a part of me is always going to be lost." He sat back down and stared ahead. "I could live without the memories… but there is something else much harder to shake off. There is this huge sense of loss that I can't explain." He snapped his head to look at her and gave her a quiet laugh. "I don't know why I am burdening you with my problems, Fraulein. You'll have to excuse my ravings. It just feels good to finally talk about it with someone." Maria felt a lump rise in her throat. She hated to see him look so ready to give up. She sat up and looked around the station.

"Captain," she started. "Do you think you came into the city on a train that night?" He narrowed his eyes as he considered her question.

"I never really thought about it, to be honest. I suppose it is possible."

"It could make a difference," she encouraged. "I mean, maybe you came for some kind of business."

"Yes," he brightened for a moment. "I see what you mean. But what kind? And where did I come from? It's impossible to know."

"Oh," she agreed, trying hard to figure out how to make him catch her thoughts without giving away how much she already knew. "Well, if you came on business, you probably planned to stay in a hotel. You probably had some luggage…"

"There goes the theory, I'm afraid," he interrupted, his excitement quickly dropping. "I didn't have any. I didn't even have a coat."

"I see," she said, disappointed. "And you're sure about that, I guess."

"I'm not sure about anything. I woke up on the ground, my head was throbbing. The fog was…" he stopped mid-sentence. Suddenly he sat up straight, his brow coming together in deep thought. "The fog was… so dense. I remember I could hardly see my hand in front of my face. Maybe… maybe I did have a bag and just didn't see it when I woke up." He was very animated as he talked about it.

"Maybe someone turned it in to the police," she pushed.

"Would they still have it after all this time?"

"I'm not sure, Captain, but it would certainly be worth checking into it. Don't you think?"

"Yes, it is," he agreed, standing quickly with a renewed sense of purpose and determination. He looked at Maria and gave her an approving nod. "You've given me fresh hope, Fraulein. I'll have Franz drive us there right away."

"Us, Captain?"

"Well, of course you're coming with me! I'm beginning to you think you bring me good luck." He took long strides toward the doors and Maria hurried to catch up, trying hard to hide her growing smile.

Half an hour later they were standing alone in a room at the police station looking over the only item turned in the day after his attack. Maria hung back as Georg rummaged through the ragged carpet bag, pulling out clothes slowly. She recognized it instantly as the one she watched him carry onto the train.

He did not, however, register any such recognition. The few items he bothered to inspect seemed to offend him.

"I don't know what I expected to find," he mumbled, tossing things carelessly. "These anonymous rags mean nothing to me." He began to nod his head as the futility of their trip sealed a decision in his mind. "This concludes the matter for me, Fraulein. It is time I start seeing myself for what I really am… psychologically damaged. You'll have to keep my secret." Maria was finding it harder to mask her disappointment. She stepped closer and looked at the contents of the bag longingly.

"None of it is familiar to you?" She reached for a shirt and tenderly ran the frayed cuffs through her fingers. The Captain watched her curiously.

"You mustn't feel bad," he said. "It was worth a try."

Maria didn't hear him. She was lost in her own thoughts. She folded the shirt with care and replaced it in the bag. She began to do the same with the pajamas when she became overcome with the memories.

Without realizing it, she lifted them to her face and inhaled. The musty storage room and time hadn't rid the clothing from his scent. She could smell the fires he built in their pretty cottage mingled with his soap and shaving cream. She remembered how Smitty would bring all those aromas into their bed and wrap her in them as they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.

"Fraulein Maria?"

Maria gasped, horrified to discover that she was actually crying. She wiped her tears quickly and gave him an apologetic smile.

"Forgive me, Captain," she tried to laugh at herself. "Now you know my secret. I'm hopelessly sentimental." He didn't react, only continued to stare at her. She cleared her throat and looked at the items she still held in her hands. "You see, uh… these aren't anonymous rags at all."

"No?"

"No," she repeated dramatically, trying to make light of her tears. "These clothes belonged to a very important man. He had a wife who loved him."

"Fascinating," he said with a little amusement, indulging her fantasy. "And how do you know this?"

"She mended his buttons," Maria explained as if it were obvious, turning the pajamas to show him. "I know they look old and tattered. They weren't rich, but they had each other. And they were so very happy." She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks knowing his eyes were fixed on her. She was sure he thought she had gone mad.

"That hardly makes him important," he challenged, unaware of the cruelty of his words to her heart.

"He was important to her," she shot back, a hitch in her voice exposing the rawness of her feelings. "He was her whole world." She quickly shoved the rest of the clothing in the bag and closed it. She suddenly felt anger at herself for losing her composure. "I'm sorry, Captain. I guess this was a complete waste of your time."

"I wouldn't say that," he answered softly, struggling to understand what had just happened. "Could it be, I wonder, that we came looking for clues to my past and stumbled upon clues to yours?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," she scoffed, still annoyed with herself. "Am I such a mystery?"

"You were married," he said. She wasn't sure if it was a statement or an accusation.

"That's no secret," she said defensively. "I told you I was married the day I came to work for you."

"I had forgotten," he said. "Until just now."

She looked away and said nothing. She hated how vulnerable she felt all of a sudden. It was bad enough that he witnessed her tears over some old clothes. His pity for what he clearly considered an insignificant life hurt deeply. She never thought she would feel a need to protect her precious memories from him.

The Captain ended the awkward moment by gesturing toward the door. They left the station without speaking, only to thank the commander for his help. As they crossed the street toward the waiting automobile, he finally broke the silence.

"You left without saying goodbye," he said suddenly. "Even to the children." After all that had happened, he finally acknowledged that she had gone away. She looked at him briefly.

"It was wrong of me," she answered quietly. "Forgive me?" He answered by opening the door for her, but stopping her before she climbed inside.

"Why did you?"

"Please don't ask me," she shrugged. "Anyway, the reason no longer exists."

It was the truth. There was no more Baroness Schraeder and no more engagement. If anything came of her meeting with Wil earlier in the day, there would also be no more Smitty. She had prepared her heart for the end. Yet not since she first met him in the tobacco shop had a single day's events altered her life so quickly. She quietly slid across the seat to make room for him. Once settled, he turned to face her.

"You are back to, uh, stay?" Maria swallowed and stared at him. Only hours ago she had an answer and accepted it to be God's will. And yet, the words of the Reverend Mother were the only ones her mind could seem to find at the moment: When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.

The Captain interpreted her silence to the affirmative. He then leaned back and uttered three words to quickly put her heart at ease.

"Let's go home."

**A/N: heh heh, not **_**those**_** three words… **

**Again, I do not own 'The Sound of Music' or 'Random Harvest'. I'm sure that if you're reading this you are familiar enough with TSOM to know what I'm borrowing for the story, but perhaps I should make it clear that I'm doing the same with RH. The screenplay (which was nominated for an Oscar) for RH was written by Claudine West, George Froeschel, and Arthur Wimperis and based on the novel by James Hilton. I want to give credit where it is due. I read somewhere that James Hilton actually liked the screenplay better. Apple and oranges, really, because what he did with the novel was quite clever but could never have worked on film. You have to read his novel with that in mind. Don't you feel smarter for learning this? You should. **

**Ernest Lehman wrote the screenplay for TSOM. No nominations. He should have brought along his harmonica.**

**Incidentally, Greer Garson was NOT nominated for 'Random Harvest' because she received the nomination that same year for 'Mrs. Miniver' and apparently it is against the rules to be nominated twice. I guess. Doesn't matter because she won. **

**Aaaand I'll shut up now.**


	29. Chapter 29 Late Summer 1937

Chapter Twenty Nine

_"Is there anything you would like to say before I hand down my decree?" the judge asked her. She sat frozen before him, Wil by her side. His uncle also was in attendance as well as another man she did not know. She assumed he was another lawyer but she decided it wasn't really important. She started to shake her head when Wil cleared his throat and started to speak._

_ "Yes, sir, there is," he stated quickly. "As you can see, Frau Schmidt is a very young woman. She will wish to marry again and by assenting to her petition you would soften the impact of this unhappy episode on the rest of her life. I beseech you to release her so she can move on with her life." Maria shifted uneasily in the chair. She had to believe that Wil was only trying to appeal to the judge's sense of compassion, but he was making it sound like she regretted what had happened and nothing could be further from the truth._

_ "Very well," the judge replied with a nod. He folded his hands on his desk and looked back at Maria. "Frau Schmidt, I have reviewed your petition and the evidence submitted. The law is quite clear about waiting no less than seven years, but your lawyer has convinced me that no amount of time will alter the fact that your husband no longer exists. Therefore, based on your sworn testimony and the witness of your counsel, I believe there is enough here to declare the man known as Johann Schmidt to be presumed dead. Your marriage to him is consequently dissolved." _

The tears that refused to fall blurred Maria's view of the city as Wil's car winded its way through the streets of Salzburg and headed toward Aigen. The awful words kept flying through her thoughts… presumed dead… marriage dissolved… husband no longer exists, each one like an arrow shot into her heart.

"It's over now," Wil smiled. "You must be glad."

"Must I? I'm a widow. I find nothing glad about it." It was a fact that her mind could be convinced simplified matters. Her heart, however, was devastated.

"No, I suppose that's true," he said, regretting his word choice. "I guess I meant it should be a relief." He wasn't sure that was the right way to put it either. Maria looked at him with a stony expression.

"You mean because now I can… how did you put it? 'Move on with my life'?"

"I said that for sympathy from the judge," Wil defended. "Not that I don't hope there is a bit of truth to it, too. Someone has to think of your happiness if you won't." Maria closed her eyes to keep herself from screaming.

"I appreciate that," she finally managed. She didn't want to be angry at Wil. He had done her a monumental favor. "Perhaps you misunderstood that this had little to do with my happiness… present, future or otherwise. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this but I can tell you that I don't feel glad or relieved."

"Perfectly understandable. I regret my insensitivity, Maria. Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. You've been a very good friend to me and I thank you." They fell into silence. Maria continued to stare out the window. The days were growing shorter and there was a feeling in the air that suggested that summer was at an end. Everything seemed to be ready to change seasons. For a moment she wondered if she should do likewise and move on.

She began to think about the children, how the end of summer signaled the return to school. She didn't know where it left her. The original request to the Reverend Mother stated that a governess was only needed until September. Granted, a lot had changed since then but nothing had been mentioned one way or the other in regards to the loan of Maria from Nonnberg. She could feel her melancholy deepen just thinking about it.

"Maria, there's a question I've wanted to ask you since the day you came to my office," Wil interrupted her thoughts.

"Yes?"

"I don't understand why you don't just tell Captain Von Trapp who you are. If he wanted to know so much, why not just tell him everything?" Maria gave a humorless laugh.

"Maybe I should have," she answered wryly.

"Why didn't you?"

"I have a few reasons, but mostly I didn't say anything because you can't tell someone else their memories. I always had the hope that eventually he would remember," Maria explained with a tired voice. "Believe me. If he had shown the slightest bit of recognition, I would have confessed it all. There were times when I could tell he was close, but just not close enough."

"I can understand that in the beginning, but now? Isn't it maddening? If he wants to know, why don't you tell him?"

"Now… now, I'm too afraid." She felt a chill and pulled her jacket tighter around herself. "I recklessly pushed him to face part of his lost past with the hopes it would help him, but he was so… offended by it. What if I told him and he was disappointed to learn that everything he has been trying to remember only leads to me. Who am I? I'm nobody."

"You are the least nobody I know."

"There's always a chance he wouldn't believe me. Or even if he did believe me, that he'd reject me. I need to protect the little I have left…"

"You deserve more," Wil said with an edge. He turned the vehicle into the driveway and shut off the engine. After a few moments he turned, took her hand in his and gave her a tender look. "Maria, I'm expected at a party tonight, but I can call and get out of it if you'll agree to have dinner with me instead."

"Please don't do that," Maria pleaded quietly. "Go to your party."

"Another time, perhaps? Now that this is over, I am left wondering if I can see you again." Maria stared at her hand resting in his then started to pull it away. He held on, gently but firm.

"Wil…" She gave his hand a small squeeze before wiggling hers free. She didn't want to hurt his feelings. She had felt safe telling him everything. "We can see each other, of course. We're friends, aren't we? But that is all we can ever be. Do you understand?" Wil nodded and opened his door. Maria watched as he dejectedly got out and came around to open hers. He walked her to the front door before breaking the heavy silence that fell between them.

"All I want is for you to be happy, Maria," he said, trying unsuccessfully to hide his disappointment.

"I have to believe it will work out," Maria answered softly. "There is always hope he'll remember. And if he doesn't, maybe he'll fall in love with me. Would that be so incredible?"

"It would be incredible if he didn't fall in love with you," Wil answered and smiled. "You love him a lot, don't you?" Maria nodded. "You're going to be hurt, Maria. But I won't dwell on the negative anymore. I wish you the best of luck. And if you ever need me again, please…"

"Thank you," Maria said quickly. Wil reached for her hand and this time Maria offered it willing. He pulled her gently closer and laid a kiss on her forehead, letting his lips linger only slightly longer than he knew he should have.

The moment was interrupted by the sound of another automobile entering the driveway at reckless speed. They watched as Captain Von Trapp jumped quickly from behind the wheel and walked briskly toward the front door. Wil stepped aside to give the man room to pass.

"Captain? Is everything alright? I thought you had plans…"

"Frau Schmidt called and told me that Kurt is ill so I decided to come home. Didn't anyone tell you?" Maria's eyes widened with worry.

"Why, no! I just got home myself and I haven't talked to anyone. Is it serious?"

"I don't know," the Captain replied with concern. He opened the door, but turned toward Wil before entering. "Please excuse my rudeness but I'm eager to check on my son."

"No need to explain, Captain," Wil quickly assured him. "I hope Kurt will be well soon." The Captain nodded his thanks and went inside. Wil saw the anxious expression on Maria's face, too.

"I should have been here," she muttered. "Poor Kurt. This is terrible…"

"You had no way of knowing. I'll go so you can go check and see him. I'm sure it is nothing."

"Goodbye, Wil. Thank you for everything." He nodded and quickly got into his car to leave. When he was gone, Maria hurried inside. She met Frau Schmidt on the stairs.

"What is it? What's wrong with Kurt?"

"I don't know, but he is very ill. The Captain asked me to call the doctor right away." The housekeeper lowered her eyes and shook her head as she spoke. Maria instantly felt a knot form in her stomach. Without another word, she raced to the boys' room and entered quietly.

She was met by the sight of the Captain sitting on the edge of the bed talking quietly to his son. She hated to interrupt the private moment, but she needed to see for herself.

"Hello, Fraulein Maria," the boy said as soon as she was close enough for him to notice her. His voice was raspy and his face glistened with perspiration. She forced a smile.

"Hello, darling," she whispered. "How do you feel?" He started to reply but winced as his hand went to his neck.

"He has a sore throat," The Captain answered for him. "And a fever."

"Are you being a good boy and drinking what Frau Schmidt brings to you?"

"He can't seem to keep anything down, either." The Captain stood up and turned away. He gave Maria a woeful look. She knew every feeling he was having. She knew exactly how awful it was to look upon your sick child and be unable to think of anything but the worst. She took his place on the side of the bed and placed her cool hand on Kurt's forehead and gasped at how warm he was to touch.

"The doctor should be here any minute now," the Captain informed them, trying hard to sound upbeat. "He'll tell us what to do. And Kurt is strong, aren't you, son?" The boy nodded and smiled at his father.

"Oh, he sure is," Maria agreed and laughed to keep spirits up. "I wouldn't be surprised if this is just Kurt's way of telling me he doesn't like singing lessons very much."

"No, he doesn't want to go back to school," the Captain teased. Kurt began to laugh, but grabbed his throat again. Quickly the mood became strained. "I think maybe we should let him rest until Dr. Berner gets here, hmm?"

"Yes, but please let me stay with him," she begged.

"That would be fine, Fraulein. I'll go wait for Dr. Berner." The Captain hastened out the door, leaving Maria alone with Kurt. She quietly got up and went into the bathroom in search of a cloth she could soak in cool water. After she found one, she ran the water loudly to hide a choked sob. She felt foolish crying but it had been a long and emotional day. She carried the cloth back to the bed and sat down, folding it carefully before laying it on Kurt's head.

"There. Does that feel good?" Kurt nodded. "Would you like me to read to you?" That time he shook his head and closed his eyes. "Fine. You just sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." She quietly dragged a chair close to the bed and sat down. She watched him sleep for a few moments before closing her own eyes. She quietly began to pray.

_Father in heaven, please help me to understand that you allowed illness to befall this sweet boy because of your loving care, not in spite of it. Give the doctor wisdom to make him well and please… have mercy on me. I cannot watch another loved one suffer. _

She stopped praying. The knot in her stomach had moved to her chest. Her trembling hand wiped a tear from her eye as she struggled to gather herself.

_Lord, please heal all our hearts of pain so we can humbly accept and enjoy your blessing. Thy will be done…_

A warm peace settled on her. She decided it was useless to dwell on the worst. Children get sick all the time and the Captain was right when he said that Kurt was strong. She was sure that when the doctor came, he would put their minds even more at ease.

A few minutes later the door opened and the Captain led a kind looking gentleman into the room. She watched as he sat next to Kurt on the bed and removed the cloth from his head. He gently felt the boy's neck.

"You say he has a sore throat?" he asked as he reached for his bag and pulled out a thermometer.

"Yes," the Captain answered. "We've tried to give him liquids but he has trouble swallowing. He can't seem to keep anything he does manage to drink down. And then there's the fever." They waited patiently as the doctor took Kurt's temperature and carefully looked at his throat.

"Hmmm," he said, his face drawn into a small frown. He turned the child's head side to side and then gently unbuttoned his pajamas and inspected his stomach and arms. "I don't see a rash, but that could appear after a day or two. You'll have to keep an eye out for it." The Captain nodded. He shot Maria an uneasy look. She wasn't sure what it all meant, but clearly he did and it wasn't good.

"Fraulein, would you please soak this again?" The doctor handed Maria the cloth. She nodded and walked into the bathroom in a small daze. The relief she hoped the doctor would deliver was not forthcoming.

"You think he has scarlet fever, don't you?" The Captain asked.

"I have had three separate cases of scarlet fever in the last month, sir. Of course, that doesn't mean this is scarlet fever, but we need to consider it. Keep the other children out of here just to be safe."

"Of course," the Captain agreed.

"Keep trying to get him to drink… hot tea or broth would be good. You've been here before, Captain. I'm sure you'll do whatever you can to make Kurt comfortable and better. Please don't worry so much right now. You'll make yourself ill if you dwell on it too much."

Maria returned with the cloth and replaced it on Kurt's head. She had heard the doctor's advice to the Captain. She tenderly buttoned the pajamas. "Captain, Friedrich can sleep in my room. I… I would like to stay."

"I can't let you risk your health, Maria."

"I'll be fine," she quickly insisted. "Please, Captain." He simply nodded his consent. With nothing left to be said or done, the doctor stood to leave.

"Captain, may I speak with you before I go?"

"Yes, of course." He led the man to his private study and invited him to sit and offered him a drink which was instantly declined.

"Captain Von Trapp, I would like to say that it has been a great honor and privilege to tend to your family over the years," the doctor started, his voice tired and sad. "I regret deeply to tell you that you must find a new doctor. Here is a list of good ones. I have no trouble recommending any of them to you."

"I don't understand," He said as he took the small piece of paper from doctor. Dr. Berner sighed and rubbed his weary eyes.

"My family is leaving Austria, Captain. I cannot wait for Hitler to invade to take precautions. The time is now. It is becoming increasingly difficult for us to live. Not all my patients share your political views and my practice has suffered. Soon I will not be able to make a living."

"I'm… I'm terribly sorry," he replied, still trying to overcome the shock of what he just heard. The Captain felt sick to his stomach. He had never cared that the physician was Jewish, only that he was the best doctor in all of Salzburg. "When are you going?"

"I don't wish to say," the man answered with regret. "Please understand that it is best for you as well as me that I don't tell you too much more. I only wish to let you know so Kurt gets the care he needs." The Captain nodded.

"Is there anything I can do to help you? Please, anything you need…"

"No, but thank you." Dr. Berner rose from his seat and extended his hand. "You are what is good and honorable about this country. Sadly there are not many like you, not anymore. Goodbye, Captain." He shook the man's hand solemnly.

"Thank you, doctor. I don't know what to say. I'm horrified at what is happening out there. Be safe."

After seeing the doctor to the door, the Captain wandered slowly back toward the stairs. His mind raced at the news about Dr. Berner and his family. He turned and stared at the Austrian flag that hung proudly on the wall and his heart became heavy and sad.

"Oh, Austria, my beloved country… what has become of you? What _will_ become of you?" He once had taken an oath to his country, an oath he thought was for life. But he didn't recognize his country any more. He wondered how long it would be before he had to make a critical choice to protect his family or protect his honor. He had a desk drawer full of telegrams and letters from men that served with him, each excitedly extolling Hitler's plan to create a fierce navy, encouraging him to abandon his principles for the sake of some twisted glory.

And then there was that man Zeller who he had the terrible misfortune of meeting earlier in the evening before the phone call from his housekeeper. That man was much more direct with his provocations, accusing him of being an ostrich that buries his head in the flag. Assuring him that the Anschluss was indeed coming and he should expect to be called upon to serve the Fuhrer.

The Captain tore his eyes away from the flag and headed back up the stairs. Dr. Berner had been the doctor that treated his beloved wife when she fell ill. He had done everything he could to save her life. He knew he would do the same for Kurt if it wasn't for the threat to him and his family. He didn't blame the man for his wife's death and he could hardly blame him now for doing what he had to do for his own family. He wondered how long before he had to make a hard choice to protect the ones he loved.

He opened the door to the boys' room quietly, and stopped short as soon as he heard singing. It was barely audible. He peered in to the room to see Maria sitting by the top of the bed while cradling his son's head on her lap, running her fingers gently over his hair as she sang. He moved closer, touched by the display. She stopped singing as soon as she sensed his presence, but didn't look up.

"He… he woke up and was a bit delirious," Maria explained quietly. "I was able to get him back to sleep."

"Thank you," he said in response. Her voice was weak, but not tired. She had been crying. "I'm sure the singing calmed him down right away."

"Perhaps," she agreed. They sat silently for a long time, watching Kurt toss between fitful and deep sleep. Maria made no attempt to move him from her arms. "Captain, there is something I've been wanting to discuss with you but… well, there hasn't been a very good time." She looked up to meet his handsome eyes watching her. "I know the agreement was for me to stay until September. I know the children start school soon and that I won't be needed as much, so I was wondering…"

"You are free to leave whenever you wish, Fraulein," he spoke over her. "The matter needn't trouble you."

"Oh." Maria glanced back down at Kurt and resumed stroking his hair. She didn't necessarily expect him to ask her to stay, but she thought he was oddly insistent that she leave. "Captain… the thing is that I don't really wish to go. That is, I would like to stay if I can be of any help."

"I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I thought... well, never mind. You may stay, Fraulein. If that is what you truly want."

"What did you misunderstand?" Maria asked, confused by the sudden switch.

"Oh, I just thought you were going to tell me you wanted to leave," he answered awkwardly.

"Why would you think that?"

"I saw that young man kiss you and assumed that maybe you had plans to remarry…"

"No," she interjected quickly, now her turn to interrupt. "I don't think I'll ever marry again."

He saw a brief flash in her eyes when she said it. It wasn't the first time he had seen it, he knew. It was there when he confronted her about his children the day he returned from Vienna. All she wanted to do was remind him that his children were growing up without him and in his foolish need to be right he fired her. The memory of her standing in a wet dress yelling at him made him chuckle.

"Is something funny?"

"I was just reminding myself not to question your decisions, Fraulein. The look you just gave me was the same look you had when you called the uniforms 'straightjackets'. And you were right." The Captain laughed softly again.

"Oooh," Maria moaned as she recalled the entire incident before a smile spread across her lips. She was still smiling when she finally shifted Kurt from her lap and gently laid him down on his pillow. It faded when she leaned over him and kissed his forehead. "He is still quite warm. I don't think the fever has gone down at all." She reached for the cloth that had been set aside and left to soak it again. When she returned, the Captain reached for it and tenderly placed it on Kurt's forehead. Maria became mesmerized as she watched him care for his son.

"There was one thing I do regret about that day," she offered. "I shouldn't have implied that you weren't a good father because you are a very good father. Very loving and very gentle."

He nodded but said nothing. There was a time when he thought that was all he needed to be for his children. His mind went back to the conversations with Herr Zeller and Dr. Berner and the German threats that were creeping closer and closer to his doorstep. He wondered if he would be the father he needed to be when the time finally came and he could ignore things no longer. He sighed and pushed the troublesome thoughts from his head.

"It's too bad you are so sure about marriage, Fraulein. You would be a very good mother," he finally responded. He didn't mean anything by it except to say that he appreciated how she cared for his children and return the compliment. He didn't expect it would drive her near to tears. "Fraulein? Did I say something wrong?" She slumped back into the chair looked up into face.

Maria didn't answer right away. She knew the moment she opened her mouth, tears would overwhelm anything she tried to say. She had already broken down in front of him once. To be so vulnerable and need his understanding so much was more difficult than she ever thought it would be.

"I… I already have been a mother, Captain," she finally spoke. "I had a baby boy who died not long after he was born."

"I'm sorry," he responded sadly. "I had no idea." He watched her wipe a few tears that had silently trickled down her face. He couldn't fathom the amount of loss she had endured. He looked away quickly at Kurt. Like her, he had lost the love of his life, but to lose a child… it would have been his undoing.

"Yes, well… now you know."

No more words were spoken for a long time. Maria was thankful she was not pressed further about her marriage or her son. The Captain, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking of anything else. He stood up to leave for the night, but he wished there was something he could say to comfort her.

"It certainly explains how you handle my children so well," he whispered softly across the bed. "And why they love you so much. You have been like a mother to them."

"I love them as though they were my own children, Captain."

"Yes…" his voice trailed off. He bid her goodnight and left.

That's why she's so different, he said to himself as he walked toward his bedroom. She truly has been like a mother to them. And she said she loved them as though they were hers.

He found the sentiment fascinating and not at all strange. Suddenly he realized what was bothering him the most about everything that had happened that day. More importantly, a possible solution was beginning to form in his mind.

**Disclaimer: I don't own, not mine, blah blah blah.**

**A/N: I think this was the longest I've gone between updates. Writing this chapter was like herding kittens. I don't think it will happen again, but… **


	30. Chapter 30 Fall 1937

Chapter Thirty

The following weeks were solemn and quiet around the villa. The scarlet fever never did manifest; Kurt's sore throat gradually got better and the telltale rashes never did appear. But while the Captain was thankful for that, fever and loss of appetite persisted as did concern for the boy's recovery.

His other concern was for his governess. She remained vigilant and it was becoming obvious to everyone that she was jeopardizing her own health. He finally had to insist that she start joining the children for meals and a few hours in the sunlight every day. There were plenty of people to sit with Kurt if necessary, he reasoned to her. Once he got her to agree to that, getting her to take a day off was the next order of business.

Not that he liked making her do these things. He found an odd sense of comfort and balance in the way she attended to his son and at the end of the day he found himself joining her by Kurt's bedside. Deep down he knew why he wanted to be there. He knew so little about this woman that captured the hearts of his children so completely. Her sorrowful and mysterious past did not square with the joyful outspoken governess that breezed into their lives.

One evening he came to sit with her only to find that she was not there. Slightly disappointed, he sat and gazed at his son. His color had returned and he breathed steady in sleep. He reached to him and discovered him to be cooler to the touch. The gesture stirred the boy awake.

"Father," he mumbled, his eyes barely opened. The Captain was pleased that the grogginess was due to sleep, not fever.

"How do you feel, Kurt?"

"Hungry," he answered, sitting up. "May I have some more?"

"More?" His father glanced at the chair by the bed where a small tray was resting, empty dishes piled neatly for someone to remove.

"Fraulein Maria brought me some toast with jam. It tasted so good. May I?" The Captain nodded as he laughed.

"I'll be glad to get you something, son," he said through a wide smile. "I'm so relieved to see you feeling better. I bet when cook finds out, she'll make all your favorites. We'll have a real feast."

"Really? I should get sick more often!"

"O-ho… let's not do that," he laughed quietly as he tussled the boy's hair, thrilled to see his son so nearly recovered. Kurt looked around and started to frown.

"Where's Fraulein Maria?"

"Hmm? I'm not sure. I was wondering that myself, actually."

"Is she going to stay?" The Captain inhaled deeply at the question.

"Yes, I think so. She says she wants to stay. Do you… want her to stay?"

"Oh, sure."

"Kurt, uh… what do you think about Fraulein Maria? What I mean is, why do you like her?" Kurt rolled his eyes at such an easy question.

"She's nice to me and always thinks of fun things to do with us…" He hesitated and became earnest. "She took good care of me, Father. Just knowing she was nearby made me feel better. Only sometimes…"

"Yes?"

"She doesn't know I heard her, but Father… sometimes I could hear her crying. Did I make her sad?"

"Fraulein Maria was just worried about you. When you care about someone, you worry when they are ill." It wasn't a lie, he knew she cared. But he also knew that many of those tears were for another boy. Kurt nodded in understanding but was still downtrodden.

"I didn't mean to make her cry."

"Of course you didn't. Please don't worry about it." Kurt nodded again, followed by a big yawn. "Still hungry?"

"Yes, but I'm too tired," he answered as he lowered himself down on his pillow and closed his eyes. The Captain tried to hide his amusement as he watched his son drift back to sleep. He quietly left the bedroom and began to wander down the hall. He thought about his son's words about Maria and was pretty confident that he could interview the others and find they felt the same way.

He stood staring at his bedroom door but it was early and there was too much on his mind to sleep. He turned toward a set of doors that led out to a small balcony and walked out into the cool night air. Maria suddenly appeared wandering across the lawn and his mind turned back to thoughts of her again.

Ever since he realized how much he and his children had come to depend on Maria, he suspected that in some way she needed them. He thought perhaps there was something more than the attachment she had to the children, but he never could figure out exactly what it was that brought him to the conclusion. He kept watching as she disappeared in and out of the shadows and then finally out of view in the direction of the gazebo. He took a deep breath and pursed his lips as he turned back inside. Slowly but steadily he made his way down the stairs and back outside, tracing her steps across the terrace and down the moonlit path.

"I thought I just might find you here," he greeted her, startling her out of her mind travels. She had been sitting on a bench when he found her. He was pleased to note that the strain of worry was replaced by a peaceful solace.

"Was there something that you wanted?" She stood up quickly. "Is Kurt..?"

"Oh, no… please," The Captain answered with a gesture for her to return to the bench and asked to join her with a raised eyebrow. She nodded as she complied. "Kurt is more than fine, I'd say. I need to thank you for the way you cared for my son. I know what it put you through."

"I've told you how much I adore your children, Captain. There is nowhere else I would have chosen to be." She answered with a dismissive shrug, ignoring his reference to her personal grief.

"I'm… very glad… to hear that… Fraulein…," The Captain said, his voice trailing off. He double glanced at her as he shifted on the bench to talk to her. It had been a long time since he experienced the feeling of the hair across his neck standing on end, the hum in his ears before music faintly played somewhere in his memory. The glances turned into a gaze and the gaze into a glare.

"Captain, you're staring at me."

"Oh? Forgive me. I just… well, your eyes," he shook his head and cleared his throat. "Your eyes are quite blue, aren't they? They positively sparkle in the moonlight." Maria gave a short laugh.

"Is that all? You were so intense." She couldn't bring herself to look away.

"It happens to everyone, doesn't it? That feeling that you've lived through a moment before?" he offered his explanation lightly.

"Do you mean you have a feeling that you've met me before?" Maria's smile only dropped slightly, though her eyes grew wide at the thought.

"Yes, but only for a moment," The Captain agreed with a slight frown. "To be honest, I felt it the day you first arrived." Maria continued to look at him, her heart beating faster with each word.

"You, uh… you never said anything," she replied, breathing harder. He simply shook his head and gave no further explanation. He nervously brushed his pant leg with the back of his hand and cleared his throat once again.

"Fraulein, forgive me, but I wish to ask you once more… is there a chance you'll ever want to marry again?"

"No, sir. Not at all. I'm quite sure." The confidence in her answer belied an uneasy feeling that he wanted her to leave. He probably thinks I took advantage of him at a critical time and has changed his mind about letting me stay, she told herself.

"Well, if you're sure…"

"Captain, if you want me to go, you only have to say so." Maria stood up and turned away. She slowly distanced herself from him by walking toward the gazebo.

"Oh, no!" He quickly reassured her as he stood to follow her. "That isn't what I want. I only meant to see if… well, I would like to discuss a special arrangement with you. I need your help." She turned and looked at him as he caught up to her side. He reached up and scratched his ear as he exhaled. "You know, the idea seemed reasonable when it first came to me, but now I find that I'm losing my nerve."

"Is it really all that shocking?"

"You might think I've lost my mind, Fraulein." He chuckled for a moment and then became serious as they entered the gazebo and stopped. "But it isn't a sudden impulse. I've thought it through quite carefully. You see, it occurred to me that you and I have a lot in common. I hate to sound so dramatic, but… we're both prisoners of our past. Me, bound to lost memories… you, bound to your grief."

"Yes, I suppose that's true," she agreed quietly. Her words sounded faint to her compared to the sound of her heart pounding in her chest.

"What if we were to pool our loneliness, Fraulein Maria… uh, Maria? What if we gave each other what little we have to offer? Support… friendship." He waited for her to turn and look at him. He wanted to be sure she understood him. "I'm proposing marriage, Maria."

Maria froze as soon as he said the words. He gently took her by the elbow and helped her sit down. He proceeded before she could say anything. "The children need a mother. You are closest the little ones have come to knowing a real mother. The others need you, too. As you just said, you adore them. As though they were your very own, isn't that right?" Maria swallowed and slowly nodded.

"I am going to have to make some rather difficult decisions in the months ahead," he continued. "If the Anschluss comes, I have been told that I will be expected to accept Berlin's orders and serve the Third Reich in their naval forces. To refuse them would be fatal for all of us. And joining them would be… unthinkable." Maria's eyes remained on him as he sat down next to her. He was hunched over and she thought he looked as though the weight of all of Austria rested on his brave shoulders.

"I've been trying to weigh my options," he continued. "But… no matter what I decide to do, there will be risk. I could end up separated from my children for a long time. Or worse. I do not intend to abandon my children for Hitler, but neither will I allow them to become orphans. Not when there is something I can do about it." Her hand flinched as she considered reaching out to touch him, to let him know what her voice was too paralyzed to say; He didn't have to be so alone.

"You don't need to worry that I will make any emotional demands of you, Maria. I only have sincere friendship in mind and that is all I would ever ask from you." Her hand retracted into a fist and she brought it to her lap. He stood once again and paced in a small circle before her. "You've told me about your son and it is not my intention to replace him, but I know in my heart my children love you and will be glad to call you Mother. And for my part, you would never want for anything for the rest of your life. It is my hope that someday you will be able to call this your home and us your family. Don't answer right away, but please say you'll think about it. I know it's a selfish thing I ask but I hope you'll say yes. We would be totally lost without you."

He returned to her side, realizing she had not uttered a sound or moved since he began his speech. He noticed large tears growing on her eyelids and became alarmed.

"Maria, did I say something to hurt you?" He reached into his pocket for a handkerchief and gave it to her.

"No, uh… you just took me by surprise, that's all. Forgive me, it's quite silly for me to cry..." She wiped her eyes, struggling to find words. Before she could say anything, he rescued her.

"Well, it's late and I'm sure you're very tired. I won't keep you here any longer. I'll escort you back to the house."

"Oh, no. I can manage, thank you." Maria stood up and took a few steps to leave but turned around before she left the gazebo. "Perhaps I should take a day off tomorrow." He immediately nodded his approval. "Would you be willing to drive me into Salzburg? I… I want to visit the Reverend Mother."

"We can go after breakfast." Maria nodded and they bid each other a good night.

The next morning Maria stood patiently outside the abbess' door with Sister Margaretta, waiting for her chance to discuss the proposal. She caught the nun grinning with amusement in her direction. She threw her a puzzled smile in response.

"Oh, Maria. I was just thinking of the time you were summoned to this very spot because Sister Berthe caught you singing on your way to mass. You paced around nervously unaware that you were still singing. I thought she was going to pass out she was so annoyed with you." Maria turned pink at the memory.

"Sister Berthe didn't like me very much," Maria moaned.

"Nonsense," the nun answered. "Just the other day another postulant was singing inappropriately and she turned to me and said, 'Well, she is no Maria.' Ha ha! Even she had to admit she misses the sound of you around here."

"What? I don't believe it!" Sister Margaretta nodded and sighed as her laughter faded away.

"You are special, Maria. It has been heartbreaking to see you so downtrodden when you visit. But here you are, so calm and serene. You've been in my prayers, my dear. Tell me, has God been answering them?"

"Of course, Sister. God answers all our prayers one way or another. The real question is if I have been willing to submit myself to those answers," Maria answered slowly. "I confess that my faith has been weak and I don't always understand. I'm hoping the Reverend Mother can help me sort it out." The nun smiled as she nodded.

"I think your faith is a lot stronger than you think," she replied knowingly. "Be encouraged, Maria. When you find the life you were born to live, I'm sure you will be a blessing to others as well as yourself." Maria was visibly touched by her words.

"Thank you, Sister. I do hope you're right."

The door opened and Sister Margaretta was called to enter. She emerged a few seconds later with a fresh faced candidate, eager to start her journey to join the Sisters. Maria watched her follow the nun toward the robing room, recalling the day she first came to the abbey. How much she thought she knew about herself and what she wanted that day. How different it all turned out.

"Come in, my child," The Reverend Mother said to her, interrupting her thoughts.

"Good morning, Mother," Maria answered back as she entered the office. "Thank you for letting me see you. I know you're busy." The abbess regarded Maria silently for a moment. She was pleased to see that Maria's eyes were clear and that she carried herself with more confidence than the last time she came to seek her counsel.

"I could never be that busy, my dear. To be frank, Maria, I expected to see you sooner. I recall that Captain Von Trapp only needed a governess until September. It's nearly October," the Reverend Mother reasoned, her eyes narrowing as she looked into her face. "Something has happened. Tell me."

"Yes," Maria affirmed. "Something has happened. Mother, the Captain has asked me to marry him." She gave a small laugh at the look on the older woman's face. "Oh, it wasn't a romantic proposal in the least. More like an arrangement. In fact, that is exactly what he called it."

The Reverend Mother had heard that the engagement between the Captain and Baroness Schraeder had been called off, though she didn't know the circumstances. She was sure if Maria was somehow mixed up in the cause of it, the facts as well as the rumors would have reached her eventually. She pointed to a chair and kindly asked Maria to sit.

"Bring the chair closer to me, child," she instructed. "I think our talk needs to be a little more intimate." Maria obeyed, the smile fading from her face. She had come seeking counsel from this woman, and already she suspected what that counsel would be from her serious tone. "Now, what is this about marrying the Captain? Perhaps you can start with his engagement to the Baroness."

"I don't know why they broke it off and to be honest, I don't really care to know. It was her idea and besides, this has nothing to do with it."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite sure. The Captain's reasons for this arrangement are really very simple and if I were to be honest, noble and decent. He is under a lot of pressure, you see. Everything that is happening in Europe has him quite worried about the fate of our homeland. Last night he confided that should something happen with Germany, he will be expected to report to Berlin and serve. Think about it, Reverend Mother! Think about what would happen if he refused! Or accepted! If you knew anything about him, you'd know where his heart falls on these matters." Maria hoped she didn't sound like schoolgirl defending some ridiculous first love. When she finally allowed herself to look into the Mother's face, she saw genuine concern and sympathy.

"I can imagine. And I can imagine that as a widowed father the matter weighs even heavier on him. Is that why he asked you to marry him?" Maria nodded, amazed once again at the woman's intuition.

"Those poor children have already lost their mother. He just wants to make sure they aren't left without anyone to take care of them," Maria explained.

"I'm glad to hear that you aren't in denial about his intentions, but I wonder if you might be in denial about your own," the nun said, looking at her unconvinced. Maria felt as though she had been slapped.

"They are one and the same! Those children need me, they need a mother."

"Would that be enough for you, Maria? Could you be happy to only be a mother to his seven children?"

"Eight! I would be mother to his eight children," Maria snapped back. "It was a role I was more than happy to fulfill for one child and I can't imagine anything that would make me happier than to do it again!" She quickly stood up and walk around to calm down.

"It isn't the same thing…"

"Isn't it? Two people loving children together, doing what is best for them together…"

"Maria…"

"I love them, Reverend Mother, I love them as if they were my own! I knew it from the moment I met them. And I know they love me." She suddenly regretted her tone. "Forgive me, Mother. I… I didn't mean to speak like that. But please, don't try to convince me it isn't enough when it is so much more than I have right now. He's offering me a home and a family to call my own. It's everything I have ever wanted."

"My child, you are also sacrificing a lot, too. And that can only lead to more hurt." The nun stood and came to her side and rested a gentle hand on her shoulder. "This is going to sound harsh what I say to you now. If you decide to marry him, you'll have to stick to his terms. Remember, those will still be the terms when the children have grown up."

"Yes, I know you're right," Maria whispered, then lifted her eyes to the abbess and gave a desperate smile. "It may work out. I still have hope. You told me hope requires patience. I'm prepared to wait my lifetime if it means I can still have hope." She looked at her watch and stood up. "The Captain will be waiting for me, Reverend Mother. I must go now. Thank you for listening… and for saying what needed to be said." The abbess waved the words away and walked with Maria to the gate. When they arrived, Maria took a deep breath before leaving.

"Please don't be against this, Reverend Mother."

"Oh, it isn't that I'm against it. Rather, I'm for your happiness. If you believe that this could make you happy, then I wish you every bit of it. God bless you, my child." She watched Maria make her way through the gate and out of view.

Maria spotted the Captain's vehicle parked in the square. Everything the Reverend Mother said to her made perfect sense. Once again she was faced with the potential of more heartbreak, only this time there would be no easy escape. But she knew those children needed her as much as she needed them.

"This is right. I know this is right. And when something is right…," she murmured to herself as she crossed the square. The Captain saw her and quickly jumped out of the automobile to open her door.

"How is the Reverend Mother?" he asked casually, trying to disguise his eagerness.

"She's very fine, Captain."

"Was she, uh, helpful to you?" Maria looked into his face as she nodded. He closed the door and came around to take his seat at the wheel. Neither spoke until they reached the outskirts of town.

"Maria, I don't suppose…"

"It's yes, Captain. The answer is yes." She watched as the tension slowly vanished from his face, replaced by a relieved smile.

"I'm so glad, but…" he started to smile wider, finally taking his eyes off the road to look at her. "… I think it would sound even better if you called me by my name instead."

"Very well, the answer is yes… Georg."

**Disclaimer: not mine, don't own, blah blah blah**

**A/N: Please leave a review. **

**Writing about Maria and the children made me want to dedicate this chapter to Christian and Michael. They are the "Kurt's Appetite" and "Kurt's Mischievous Twin" to my "Befuddled Maria".**

"_Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone_

_But still miraculously my own._

_Never forget for a single minute_

_You didn't grow under my heart but in it."_

_By Fleur Conkling Heyliger_


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty One

Very few at the wedding knew the true nature of Captain Von Trapp's marriage to Frau Maria Schmidt. For those who admired him, they witnessed final happiness for a man who spent the last few years in a cloud of tragedy and heartache, especially after being spurned by the Baroness. For those who held him in less esteem and who found strange pleasure in vile gossip, they were finally getting a good look at the governess who played her cards well and forced the socialite out herself. For the ones who mattered most, the children, they were watching their father marry the women they would call Mother and it was truly a cause of joyous celebration.

The children were not given all the reasons for the arrangement. They were simply told that their father was making it so their beloved governess had to stay forever and it was reason enough for them. She still carried on with all the duties she performed all summer; she dressed them in the morning, oversaw their homework and lessons, tended their hurts, laughed, played, and hugged. And at the end of the day, she tucked them soundly into their beds, told them that she loved them and kissed them all goodnight. But from that day on it was different. Their names sounded different when she said them. Her laughter sounded sweeter. Her arms seemed even more ready to hold and embrace.

If Georg had concern that Maria had any regrets about her decision to marry him, it was quickly driven away by the way she threw herself into her new role. She quickly learned how to talk to the staff and they willingly eased her into the responsibility of running her new home in appreciation for the way she saved this family from the dismal path they were on before she arrived. She gathered her courage and accepted invitations to tea from women she never met in order to face down the rumors. She accompanied him to concerts and dinner parties, charming the doubters and engaging with her quiet grace those who perceived her as being nothing more to the Captain than a warm trophy.

What no one understood except Maria was that she did it all for him. She didn't want him to simply think he secured the future for his children. She wanted his home and family to be a haven from the chaos that tortured his mind and the threats that crouched increasingly closer to his doorstep. And she wanted him to know if and when those henchmen came for him that he had something worth living for, not dying for. She did it because she loved him and wanted him to be proud he chose her.

And for the most part, she was very happy. She didn't think she would ever tire of hearing the children call her 'Mother'. Georg was attentive and doting, though she knew it was mostly out of gratitude. Their understanding was clear but giving. She was able to see glimpses of Smitty in the gentle way he spoke to her and in the moments when he seemed most peaceful and contented.

Those moments were most prevalent after dinner during the family hour. They would sometimes sing together but often the evening was spent in quiet activity. One evening Maria read aloud with Gretl snuggled closely to her side. Georg helped the boys build a model ship while the girls were occupied with knitting and a card game on the floor.

Maria had just finished the first chapter of the book when Louisa interrupted.

"Father?"

"Hmmm?"

"What did you give Mother for a wedding present?" The random question captured everyone's attention. Even Gretl, who had lowered her head to Maria's lap and closed her eyes, sat up to hear the answer.

"Wedding present? Well…"

"He gave me seven presents, Louisa. They are priceless and beautiful and exactly what I wanted." She looked at Georg, her eyes smiling, noting how uneasy the subject made him. He smiled back, unsurprised at her heartfelt response. Louisa, however, rolled her eyes at the sentimentality.

"I mean, a real wedding present," she insisted. He looked around at the other children who seemed to be in agreement. He appreciated Maria's attempt to deflect the issue, but they were both outnumbered.

"Well, your father did give me a lovely engagement ring, didn't he?"

"No, no, no," Brigitta joined in. "That doesn't count." Maria laughed and looked at Georg as if to say she tried her best. "Father, did you forget?"

"It appears that I did, Brigitta. I don't know how I failed at something so important," he said with amusement. "But it's never too late, is it? What should I give her? Does anyone have any ideas?"

"Oh, no really, you don't have to…" Maria insisted.

"But I think I do! I will not have my children be ashamed of me," he teased. He wiped some glue from his fingers as he stood up and crossed the room and set gently on seat next to her. Gretl quickly crawled into his lap. He stroked his daughter's soft tresses absently as he thought about the matter some more. "What would the bride like for a present?" All eyes turned toward her expectantly and she quickly brought her hands to cover her blushing cheeks.

"It really isn't necessary. Children, your father has been most generous to me. Can we please not talk about this anymore?"

"Please," Liesl said quietly. "There must be something you really want. Tell us."

Maria looked helplessly at each child and then at Georg. He stared her with a curious look, quite interested in knowing what she would finally say. She tried to think of something that would satisfy all of them and not require a fuss. Suddenly she knew the answer.

"I know what I want," she finally said with such self-assurance that it surprised herself as much as him. "I would really like to hear you play the piano." The shocked expression didn't surprise her. She expected that he would protest and claim that he couldn't play after so many years of neglecting his skill. She didn't realize, though, that he would stutter and turn pale as he did. His body seemed to tense up at the thought of touching the piano.

"Oh, yes… please, Father!" The children didn't seem to catch how uncomfortable he was at the request and their voices joined together to plead with him.

"I'm told that a long time ago you were quite good," Maria added softly. And not so long ago, she continued in her thoughts. It wasn't a ploy for his memory. The moment she saw the piano in the ballroom she longed to hear him play again.

"Well, that was a very, very, very long time ago," he insisted nervously.

"I remember, Father," Liesl spoke up. He knew they would never let him get away with refusing, especially since they were so disappointed that he didn't give her a present already. He looked at Maria and smiled in surrender.

"I don't think I have a choice," he moaned dramatically. "Just this once, children. As a present for your Mother." Projects and games were quickly abandoned as they grabbed his hands and hauled him off the sofa toward the door. Maria followed behind him trying to calm the fluttering in her stomach.

She joined the children to watch him unceremoniously uncover the piano and sit down. Louisa gently took her by the arm and pushed her toward the piano for an honored view of the performance. Without saying a word, the children took a step back. They all understood that he was playing for her and wanted to watch her listen as much as they wanted to hear him play.

He stared at the keys searching for a piece he could remember how to play. When it came to him, he looked at Liesl. She instantly read his mind and nodded with a smile. He stumbled over the first few notes and stopped. He gave Maria a sheepish look and laughed. She smiled sympathetically, all the while swooning inwardly at the sight of him sitting at the keys again. Finally he focused again and began to play.

The notes drifted lightly around the ballroom. Georg's face became serious as his playing became more confident. Maria clutched her hands to her heart, smiling wider with each note. It was a beautiful piece… Liszt, she thought after trying hard to determine the composition. She could barely take her eyes off him to watch the children. They were completely enraptured by the sight of their father playing with such skill. Maria wondered how long it truly had been since he played for them. They seemed to be surprised at how accomplished he actually was. As the final notes faded, he looked up into her face and exhaled in relief.

"That was so lovely," Maria said with awe, visibly moved. "Thank you for playing for us."

"It was for _you_," he corrected warmly as he stood up, bowing appreciatively. He looked back down at the keys with a mixture of relief and sorrow. Maria could tell there was little hope he would willingly play again, but she refused to let that mar the wonder of the moment when she closed her eyes and listened to her Smitty play again.

"I think it's time for bed, children," Maria forced herself to say, knowing she had to go with them and help the little ones. A spell was cast when he played and she hated for it to be broken. He nodded his agreement as Marta and Gretl approached for a kiss goodnight before running to catch up with the others. Liesl lingered until her siblings were gone.

"Thank you for playing her favorite, Father. I wasn't sure you remembered," she whispered as she stood on her toes to kiss him goodnight. He nodded as he caressed her cheek.

"There are some things I will always remember, Liesl," he said fondly. She moved quickly to embrace Maria and bid her a good night before leaving them alone. Georg sat back down at the piano but made no motion to touch or even look at the keys.

"So the rumors were true after all. You are very talented, Georg. And it means a lot that you played for me. I know it was difficult, thinking of her." He was hardly listening, and looked up with confusion when she finished talking.

"Hmmm? Oh, yes… well, I have made peace with that part of my past, Maria. Because of you. It was a small way to thank you." He was still distracted as he said it. "I'm very glad you liked it."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, just… tired, I guess."

"Oh… very well. Goodnight." He nodded as she turned to leave.

It was an easy task putting the little girls to bed. They were exhausted and barely touched the pillows with their heads before they were asleep. All the other rooms were quiet, too. There was something satisfying about tired children, as though they had done their jobs of learning and playing and devouring every moment of living the day had to offer. It made her feel as though she had done her job well, too.

Her room was no longer located in the servant's wing. As soon as she agreed to marry him, Georg had the room across from his own completely redecorated for her. When she protested the extravagance, he finally explained that the room had belonged to his late wife during her illness. It didn't hold any sentimental value, he insisted, and it wouldn't do for her to simply occupy a room like a long term guest. He wanted it to be completely and permanently hers.

He spared no luxury and filled it with fine new furniture, from the four poster bed to the imported French dressing table to the matching sofas in the sitting area. He told her she needed to have the room fit for a baroness, not a governess. She didn't fight him on any of it. She knew he was trying to fill it with those things because he would not be among them, as though somehow it would make their agreement normal, maybe even typical.

It was a beautiful room fit for royalty and yet she would give it all back for the small cottage with its worn out sofa, mended chairs and faded curtains. Even for just one night with him in their small bed that still took up half of the bedroom. She had been given every bit of comfort she could want, but it didn't have the comfort she needed. And it seemed empty at the end of the day when she had to close the door and be so alone.

As she reached for the door to her room, she could hear the sound of him at the piano again. She smiled to herself, thinking that he must have rediscovered his musical passion when he played for her earlier. She didn't think anyone with his talent could ever really stay away and she supposed it was only a matter of time and gentle encouragement to get him back to it. She turned the door knob when it stopped and then started again, back at the beginning. She turned and made her way to the top of the stairs so she could hear it better.

She gasped when she was close enough to recognize it as the song Smitty wrote for her. It was only six or eight measures of the beginning haunting minor chords and runs… but he played it over and over as if he was trying to remember more but couldn't. She forced her feet to take her closer and closer until she was standing outside the ballroom where she could watch. She bit her lower lip anxiously each time he started again, praying hard that he would remember more. Instead he would falter clumsily.

Suddenly, Georg slammed his fists onto the keys and slammed the cover shut. Maria flinched. She could understand his frustration, but the anger frightened her. Before she could hide, he removed himself from the piano and walked brusquely toward her. He was startled to find her standing there.

"Maria! I thought you went to bed," he said, breathless from the strenuous attempts at unlocking the mysterious tune.

"I heard the piano, and… Georg, what were you playing?" She knew. Did he?

"Huh? Oh, that? That was nothing," he muttered, walking past her toward his study. Maria regretted the finality in the way he said it. Even if she was his wife in name only, she wished he could at least confide in her as a real one. He turned after a few steps and looked at her still standing there with impatience. "Was there something you wanted, Maria?"

"Oh, no, no. I just heard and… is everything alright? You can tell me, Georg." She took a step toward him. She was starting to break the rules but she couldn't let him ignore the memory, not when it manifested itself in such a powerful way, as unsettling as it may be to him.

"If you don't need anything," he said evenly, almost coldly. "Goodnight." He turned away and left her standing in the hall speechless. She didn't feel her legs carry her back to her room. She went through the motions of getting herself ready for bed with trembling hands and after she turned off the lamp by her bed and sunk her face deep into her pillow, she wondered if it was possible to ever run out of tears.

Georg berated himself the second he closed his door behind him. He just did what he vowed never to do again; let the memories threaten to hurt the ones around him. It happened with Elsa and before he could stop himself, it happened with Maria.

But it was inevitable after all. The memories had returned and were coming at him rapidly, almost daily. It was getting to the point where he couldn't suppress them until he was alone at the end of the day anymore. Playing the piano that evening unleashed the biggest and fiercest one yet.

It wasn't just that he couldn't remember the music. In fact that part didn't surprise him at all. He was used to the half clues and broken flashbacks. But for the first time he had a feeling… no, he _knew_, that there was a woman.

He couldn't remember her name or what she looked like. But he knew he loved her more than he ever thought he could ever love again.

He moved to his desk and dropped wearily into his chair. He leaned over and rested his head in his hands. How would find her? Should he even try? Could he even if he wanted to? It was a cruel thing his damaged mind was doing to him… teasing him with remnants of a past that could do no more than stoke the longing and regret. Perhaps if he gave into it just once, grab onto the hope that he would remember someday. Who would it hurt? He wouldn't tell anyone.

He opened the long drawer of his desk. The little brass key was right where he left the day Elsa ended the engagement and he decided to bolt the door shut on anything that had to do with the missing years of his life. He held it in his hand, letting it tumble around in his palm, rubbing it gently with his fingers as if it were a magic talisman. After staring at it for a couple minutes, he wrapped his fingers around it tightly before returning it to its spot in the desk.

He stood up to leave and go to bed. He opened the desk again, grabbed the key and dropped it into his pocket.

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Sound of Music. I do not own Random Harvest. This is just all for fun**.


	32. Chapter 32 Late Fall 1937

Chapter Thirty Two

Shortly before the first Sunday in Advent, Maria began to inquire of the family's holiday traditions and was surprised and quite disheartened to learn from the children that they had none. They observed the holiday, but after their mother died, much of what made Christmas merry was banished.

She approached her husband with a request to institute the observance of Advent and other such things and he willingly agreed to the idea. The children joined her in scouring the house for the necessary items to make the advent wreath and soon they only needed to gather some fir branches to put it together.

"Where are we going to get the branches?" Kurt asked between bites of his dinner. The wreath was the constant topic of questions at meals for the excited children. They could hardly believe their father had agreed to it and were determined to see it done perfectly.

"Let's see," His father answered thoughtfully. "Tomorrow is Saturday. We can go for a walk and gather them ourselves. We have lots of trees."

"You too?" Louisa could hardly believe her ears.

"Sure," he laughed. "Why not?" A murmur of excitement went around the table at the thought of a simple outing with him. "Oh, I see. You think your Mother is the only one who can take you on adventures to walk all over and climb trees." They were thrilled by his mood, but still made him promise just in case.

The next afternoon Maria gave final instructions and two large baskets to Georg and the children before they departed. She made sure each one was bundled warmly before sending them off.

"Aren't you going to join us?" He asked as she buttoned Gretl's wool coat.

"It's too cold for me," she replied and added with a smirk, "Besides, I wouldn't want to make you look bad to your children. You know… showing them more fun than you." He gave her a sideways look and feigned offense. He turned and rallied his children.

"The fair maiden has given us a quest," he shouted playfully. "We shall not fail thee, Lady Maria!"

"I wish thee Godspeed, kind Sir Georg," she responded in kind. "Here, take this as my token to bring you luck and safety on your journey." Maria tenderly wrapped a scarf around his neck. As she finished, he took her hand and gallantly kissed it, soliciting fits of giggles from his daughters. Maria was grateful for their amusement because it prevented anyone from hearing the gasp in her breathing when he brought her wrist to his lips.

Maria grabbed her coat and followed them as far as the terrace and then stood watching them traipse noisily across the lawn toward the thick groves of trees that extended quite a distance on the property. Even when the group was out of sight, her smile lingered. She brought her hand up, touching the hot spot where he kissed her.

She knew he meant nothing by it, but she loved those moments when he unconsciously made small gestures toward her. If he noticed the telltale blush whenever he brushed her arms as he helped with her coat or when she had to slide close past him when he held a door for her, he didn't show it.

She taught her heart to be satisfied with the crumbs offered, whether in jest like just a few moments before, or during those moments of life that most people never even notice. She told herself that because she did notice those little things, their marriage had a special kind of intimacy that real marriages took for granted. She told herself that, but had yet to be convinced.

She saw Franz heading toward the front door as she took off her coat. She waited curiously to see who had arrived and was pleasantly surprised to see Max breeze in the way he always did. Georg had failed to mention a visit from dear Uncle Max.

"Hello, Max," she greeted happily. "I wasn't told to expect you! Are you here for a long visit?"

"Hello, Maria," he returned as he deposited his coat and hat with Franz. "If you'll have me. I've taken care of business and now I'm looking forward to a few days of pleasure." He looked around and gave her a quizzical look. "Where is everyone? Don't tell me they found out I was coming and ran for cover."

"Oh, of course not," Maria laughed and led him to the sitting room. "Georg took the children on a special mission. We're making the Advent wreath tonight and we need some fir branches. They won't be long, I'm sure."

"You've domesticated my friend," Max quipped. "I should be annoyed about it but I like you." Maria smiled at the compliment and sat down while Max helped himself to a drink. "How are you, Maria?"

"I'm fine, thank you," she answered.

"Really?"

"You don't believe me?" she laughed.

"Oh, I suppose I do," he said casually as he sat down. He turned to face her before going on. "I just want to know if you are getting along, that's all."

"That's very sweet of you, but the answer is still the same," she shrugged. "I'm very happy. This family has been very kind to me."

"Everyone?" Max stared into his drink as he asked. Maria's face dropped.

"You sound cynical."

"I'm always cynical, my dear. You should know that about me."

"Everyone, including Georg… if that is what you're getting at."

"I'm glad," Max sighed, satisfied. "He'd be utterly lost without you. That's why I talked him out of sending you and the children away."

"What did you say?" Maria sat alert on the edge of the chair.

"Hmmm. I thought he at least told you about it. I guess since he changed his mind he figured there was no point."

"He wanted to send us away? Just me and the children?"

"I spoke out of turn, Maria. Please don't think anything about it."

"I am thinking about it," Maria cried, her voice rising. "Why would he stay? He can't be considering…"

"No. I think we both know him better than that." Max studied Maria for a moment. "He doesn't want anything to happen to you, that's all." He drained his glass and stood to pour another drink.

"Max, that doesn't explain why he wouldn't come with us. If you know something about it, please tell me."

"I don't think…"

"Please," she begged quietly but with sincerity. Max knew he shouldn't divulge things spoken in confidence, but there was something in her eyes that moved him.

"But there really isn't any reason to worry. He thought about it, but he isn't sending you anywhere. The fact that he didn't tell you goes to show that it's nothing." Maria remained unconvinced but she nodded, resigned to the fact that he wasn't going to say anything different about the matter.

They sat in silence, staring at the fire dance across the logs. Max turned to look at her again as a fresh blaze of firelight brightened her face. She looked strained, her brow knit tightly in contemplation. He knew the reasons for their arrangement from both sides, but he thought Georg was being unfair to her. She deserved honesty if she was to be able to function in such an unusual situation.

"Maria, do you know why Elsa ended the engagement with Georg?" She blinked at the seemingly arbitrary question.

"No, I don't. He never told me but then again, I never asked. Why? Does that have something to do with him wanting to send me away?"

"Not directly, no," Max sat up and leaned closer to her. "Georg has these, uh… I don't know what to call them… flashbacks, you could say. But not like you or I would have them. We would know where they came from but Georg's flashbacks seem to be from the part of his past he can't remember."

"Oh, I've seen it happen," she replied with forced nonchalance. "Does he talk to you about them? I'm glad. He rarely talks about them to anyone. And he never talks to me about them. I wish he would. But then again, we have an agreement. And we have plenty of other things to talk about."

"Yes, well… I think he is afraid the memories will do nothing but hurt you and the children. The way it did Elsa. That's why he doesn't talk to you, I'm sure. That's why he tries so hard to ignore them."

"Ignore them? But why? Doesn't he want to remember?"

"Oh, deep down he does, I'm sure. But it isn't that simple."

Maria nodded again and returned to her silent contemplation. Max thought he had said enough. It would serve absolutely no good purpose for her to torture herself when Georg was torturing himself enough for the both of them. Maria suddenly began to speak, though he wasn't sure it was to him or to herself.

"Have you ever been going somewhere with someone and you just know the path you're on is the wrong one, but the other person is so certain it is the right one you say nothing? You have to wait for him to suspect for himself that it is the wrong path. By then, however, you are afraid to say that you knew it was the wrong way because he will turn on you and wonder why you never said anything."

"It's an interesting riddle," Max replied. "I'm afraid I don't understand what it means."

"Oh, maybe I'm just glad he has friend like you," she laughed, wishing she hadn't said anything at all. "You seem like the kind of person who _would_ tell him he's going the wrong way." Max didn't laugh, only nodded. He could tell she meant it and it made him admire her all the more. If she couldn't have his trust in these matters, she would still be thankful that he confided elsewhere.

"Maria, do you love him?" She looked at him, trying to determine if it was worth it to lie.

"I adore him, Max. But who wouldn't? He could have had any woman he wanted…"

"He got the woman he wanted," Max insisted. He watched the smile fade from her face for a moment and then return.

"Yes, I know what you mean. He wanted a mother for his children. And I'm very happy to be her. So yes, I do love him for that. But I was thinking of Baroness Schraeder. She's beautiful, elegant… they could have been very happy together, don't you think?"

"I don't know," Max shook his head. "I see how well you do with the children and what a soothing effect it has had on Georg. I honestly don't think it would have worked with Elsa. Neither did her. And eventually, neither did him." Maria nodded with a small smile.

"I'm talking about his ability to find his own happiness again. That's what I want for him. I don't want him to regret not trying to be truly happy… for settling."

"And yet it seems to me that is exactly what you are doing, too. Am I right?" Max watched her shift uneasily in her seat, opening and shutting her mouth in a struggle to respond.

"No, it's different. I have more than before… a home, seven beautiful children who call me 'Mother' and willingly let me love them in return." She knew she sounded too defensive, but it was true. It may not be enough, but it was more than she thought she'd ever have after losing so much. Besides, it was too soon to tell, wasn't it? She still had hope… that constant friend who came in and out of her life. Sometimes it deserted her in a dark hour, but always seemed to appear before she totally despaired. She offered Max a meek smile. He narrowed his eyes at her as he regarded her words. He suspected there things in between them, unspoken things… fragile things.

"Hmmm… I guess that's true. Still…" Max left the subject where it ended. He finished his drink once again and set the glass down on a table between them. "Maria, I want you to know I'm your friend as much as Georg's. What I'm trying to say that I'm not necessarily always going to take his side. I want you both to be happy."

"Thank you, Max," She answered, her eyes finally smiling again. "For a cynic, you are awfully nice."

"If you let that spread, I'll deny it," he scoffed at the compliment, soliciting a bigger laugh from his hostess. They heard a noise in the hall at the same time and knew the others had returned from their outing.

"Uncle Max!" the children cried in unison as soon as they saw him.

"Success?" Maria asked as they began to shed their winter wear. She helped the little ones with mittens and stubborn buttons. She held Gretl's cold face in her hands, adoring the flush in her cheeks from being outside.

"Two baskets full, as you requested." Georg held up the prize to show her. He nodded his greeting to Max, only slightly embarrassed by the amused look on his friend's face. The children clustered around Max, chatting all at once about the wreath they were going to make together.

"It sounds marvelous and I want to hear all about it, but maybe not here. Come in by the fire and tell me more while you get warm. Perhaps you can entertain your dear uncle with some singing…" Maria watched as he led them away like the pied piper. She turned and took the baskets of branches for closer inspection while Georg took off his coat.

"These are perfect! Well done," she praised him.

"They are a bit wet, I'm afraid. Maybe we can set them by the fire to dry them out," Georg offered to carry them once again. As they walked he talked about their adventure. "The children sang some of the songs you are teaching them for Advent and Christmas. They sounded incredible. I really am very, very much impressed."

"They're your children, Georg."

"They're _our_ children," he corrected softly. Maria could feel herself beam as she nodded in agreement. He stopped walking just before they reached the doors. He turned and gazed at her with a tender look in his eyes. For the first time, Maria found no traces of pain, only peace. "You know, ever since Agathe passed away, I have always dreaded this time of year. You've done so much to make it beautiful again. I want you to know how much it means to us. To me." He raised his hand, and for a moment she thought he might reach for her. Instead, he gestured awkwardly for her to go into the sitting room before him.

She suddenly realized that in a way she was glad he didn't respond to the moment. She knew he would berate himself later, becoming more distant and guarded around her.

It occurred to her that Max was wrong. She wasn't settling. And it was enough. Because she was waiting and hoping. And she was happy.

**A/N: A few things about this chapter… I went to the books instead of the films for much of the content. The idea about the Advent wreath is from **_**The Story of the Trapp Family Singers **_**and the conversation between Max and Maria is loosely based on part of **_**Random Harvest**_** by James Hilton.**

**I struggled a bit about whether or not to include this chapter because I wasn't sure it was necessary and might actually confuse things as we go into the home stretch. But I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. And if that isn't the point of writing, then I don't know what is. **

**Your patience is about to be rewarded as we are getting ready to start the end of the story. Each chapter I post makes me a bit sadder to see it end. Your lovely reviews have made it totally worthwhile. And I thank you.**


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